To not tell ex I’m having a baby with new partner?

[Notjustmesurely]

Not really sure what the protocol is.

We broke up 3 years ago, it wasn’t messy but he took it badly.

We are still contacts on WhatsApp but don’t message. I’ll probably wish him a happy birthday next month for his 40th. We were together 7/8 years.

He lives a 5 minute drive away so every chance I’ll bump into him at some point.

Is it best to drop a message? Wait for someone to tell him? Or for him to drive past and notice I’m suddenly huge?

I know it’s upsetting when exes move on and have babies. I found it pretty devastating a few years back when my kids’ dad announced his new arrival on Facebook.

Whats the decent thing to do?

I don’t to rub his face in anything. He never wanted kids or to move in together. We were friends for a few years before we got together. He sends happy birthday messages to me and the kids, they send one back. For all I know he is happily with someone now with a baby of his own on the way and he won’t think anything of it. Whereas he bumps into me in Morrisons with a huge bump or his mate passes it on and maybe he’ll think it would have been better coming from her (me). I know if he was in my shoes I’d probably appreciate a heads up, rather than it being sprung on me. That’s just me being sensitive tho I guess.

I don’t see why you would go out of your way to tell an ex you’re pregnant when you don’t have children. If you tell him, then I can only think it would be because you’re trying to keep him sweet by explaining yourself/being apologetic/seeking his blessing etc.. and you DON’T owe him any of that!

When I was pregnant with my first baby, my ex boyfriend wasn’t someone I thought I had to tell as 1) I didn’t owe that to him 2) It was none of his business and 3) I really didn’t think to care how he would feel about it.

We broke up 3 years ago

So why bother him? He'll hear it on the grapevine anyway.

Why are you more bothered about a relationship gone over 3 years than celebrating your pregnancy with the baby's dad (if he's around? - the mine fucked off in the first year).

he bumps into me in Morrisons with a huge bump or his mate passes it on

That's life too. You're overthinking this. Enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations!

With all due respect he's not gonna care, you're overthinking this.

I guess it depends how important you think you are in his life now. Yes he took the break up badly but that was three years ago. He's likely moved on with his life a long time ago. If you don't even know if he's with someone or has a child then you're really not in each others lives in any real way.

It sort of comes across like you think he's still broken hearted and sleeps with a pillow with your face printed on it and news of your pregnancy has to be gently broken to him or he'll be sobbing in front of the creepy little shrine to you he's got in his attic 😁

You're creating an issue where there really isn't likely to be one. Enjoy your pregnancy and focus on your family rather than the bloke you dated 3 years ago.

So he didn't want children with you.

You have no link to this man other than you broke up years ago.

Why do you keep contacting him? Why does he play such a large part in your headspace? No, he doesn't need a pregnancy announcement from you, it's not going to upset him, he's moved on and didn't want kids with you anyway. Leave the poor guy alone!

I'm struggling to understand why you would tell him...

Why on earth would you share your news with someone you broke up with 3 years ago?

When I was with my ex I didn't want children. He did. He thought I'd change my mind eventually but I split with him before that happened.

I met my husband, got married, decided I actually did want children and fell pregnant.

I bumped in to ex's sister, mum and grandparents while I was pregnant. I also bumped in to him too.

They were all a bit miffed and I felt sad for him because he was a nice guy. But my life is my business and we split for a reason.

He now has three children of his own and I couldn't be happier for him

I’ve explained why in my posts

Posted several times why I was considering it

Honestly op. I think you are clutching at straws for a reason to contact him

I don’t keep contacting him. Not had contact for several months and then aside from that it’s been happy birthdays/merry Christmas sent to the kids.
He doesn’t play a huge part in my head space particularly. I just wasn’t sure if it’s a thing people do as it’s a new situation for me. I wasn’t planning on contacting him but a couple of people have asked if he knows And it made me wonder if he should.

Agreed. Just seems so random, oh hi ex who I barely talk to, please don't be too gutted but I'm having a baby !

I would leave it op. You admittedly said he might have kids etc and you have no idea. So I would say leave it. If he finds out from someone else, then so be it. You don't owe each other any type of courtesy

As you don’t have any children together, I wouldn’t tell him. I am amicable with a couple of exes, we message each other now and again. I didn’t receive a ‘heads up’ about their wives pregnancies and I didn’t disclose mine- I honestly don’t think there is a need too. I’m not sure it’s wise to keep in touch with an ex who handled the break up badly. Keeping in touch can only really work if you aren’t emotionally invested in each other anymore.

For heaven’s sake, it’s none of his concern and there’s no reason to contact him at all about anything. Just delete his info, get on with your life and let him get on with his.

Will you be contacting all your exes to tell them your news, or just this one?

Do your exes contact you to tell you they are having children?

I feel like I am living in a parallel universe.