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Original poster

To not tell ex I’m having a baby with new partner?

43 replies

Notjustmesurely · 01/11/2023 17:44

Not really sure what the protocol is.

We broke up 3 years ago, it wasn’t messy but he took it badly.

We are still contacts on WhatsApp but don’t message. I’ll probably wish him a happy birthday next month for his 40th. We were together 7/8 years.

He lives a 5 minute drive away so every chance I’ll bump into him at some point.

Is it best to drop a message? Wait for someone to tell him? Or for him to drive past and notice I’m suddenly huge?

I know it’s upsetting when exes move on and have babies. I found it pretty devastating a few years back when my kids’ dad announced his new arrival on Facebook.

Whats the decent thing to do?

OP posts:
pumpkinpie21 · 01/11/2023 17:46

If he's your dc dad then obviously tell him as it will impact his children.

Otherwise he's an ex and you're not in contact so I don't think it's appropriate to msg him specifically to tell him this.

Aylestone · 01/11/2023 17:47

Why bother starting a dialogue with him when you don’t even talk to each other? It’s been years and it’s none of his business. I thought you were going to say you had children together or something

GrazingSheep · 01/11/2023 17:47

Do your children not see him? Or do they live with him and not see you ?

GrazingSheep · 01/11/2023 17:48

Sorry - just see he’s not your kids dad

m00rfarm · 01/11/2023 17:48

If he is the father of your children, then no - if he announced his baby on facebook, then you have nothing to worry about as he clearly does not care what you are or are not doing. If he is not the dad of your children, then there is definitely no need at all to tell him. What are you expecting him to say?

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 01/11/2023 17:49

Unless you share kids no need. You aren't friends. I'd lose his number entirely.

TheChosenTwo · 01/11/2023 17:50

You really have no need to tell him at all. What business is it of his?!

LoneFemaleTraveller · 01/11/2023 17:50

No. You're being cruel.

We broke up 3 years ago, it wasn’t messy but he took it badly. We are still contacts on WhatsApp but don’t message. I’ll probably wish him a happy birthday next month
He took it badly. Stop sending out crumbs of contact to him.

Nomnomnom66 · 01/11/2023 17:51

It would never occur to me to get in touch with an ex at all unless we had kids together and thankfully I dodged that bullet.

Original poster
Notjustmesurely · 01/11/2023 17:51

Thanks all. I wasn’t going to say anything but I know I am prone to overthinking and second guessing myself. Just didn’t want to be a dick if him finding out from someone else would be worse. Appreciate your words.

OP posts:
trippytriangles · 01/11/2023 18:02

I'd see it as gloating if an ex from the past piped up and shared they were having a baby with someone else and wanted me to know.

IncompleteSenten · 01/11/2023 18:03

Assuming you don't have any children with him you don't need to tell him anything. He's part of your past not your present.

2jacqi · 01/11/2023 18:04

if he is the father of your current child, then tell him. If he isnt the father then it has bugger all to do with him so you dont need to say anything to him!

Notimeforaname · 01/11/2023 18:04

No I wouldn't bother telling him. No need. I'd find it weird if an ex contacted me to tell me they were having a baby.

Unless you generally text him about things that happen in your life, new job, new relationships etc.

Ponoka7 · 01/11/2023 18:05

LoneFemaleTraveller · 01/11/2023 17:50

No. You're being cruel.

We broke up 3 years ago, it wasn’t messy but he took it badly. We are still contacts on WhatsApp but don’t message. I’ll probably wish him a happy birthday next month
He took it badly. Stop sending out crumbs of contact to him.

I agree with that. Lose his number and leave him alone.

Original poster
Notjustmesurely · 01/11/2023 18:07

As mentioned, more than happy not to share with him. I thought it would seem mean but then also thought if a mutual friend told him or he found out second hand it might be worse. That’s all for clarifying.

OP posts:
Pinkpinkpink15 · 01/11/2023 18:09

No, you don't need to tell him. He doesn't need to 'be there' for shared children. You don't generally chat with him. Yes, it might hurt him if he sees you with a baby, but that's life, sometimes it hurts, but there's no way for you to prevent that.

your kids Dad should have told you personally.

it's different.

TimeForTeaAndG · 01/11/2023 18:15

If you don't chat regularly I wouldn't even message a happy birthday.

I don't understand remaining "friends" with exes unless you were friends before the relationship and it was a mutual breakup. Just delete his number.

NutellaNut · 01/11/2023 18:20

Do you have any children with him? If so, probably better to tell him direct. But if not, it’s none of his business, so don’t mention it. Why would you need to?

PrestonHood121 · 01/11/2023 18:21

You don’t owe him anything.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/11/2023 18:54

You shouldn't be in contact with him at all. He's not a "friend", he's an ex, and he took it badly. You being in contact with him is sending all sorts of mixed messages, and it's disrespectful to your current partner. Stop it. No more communication, no happy birthday message.

ExTheCheater · 01/11/2023 18:56

Are you trying to rub his face in your happiness? Why would you want to personally announce it to him?

LakeTiticaca · 01/11/2023 18:57

Why would you?
Your relationship has been over for years.
He's not your kids dad and you owe him nothing

towriteyoumustlive · 01/11/2023 19:01

I'd just drop him a casual message, something along the lines of:

"Hi, how's it going? Just thought I'd drop you a quick message to let you know my news. I'm expecting a baby due XXXX! Just thought I'd let you know as I thought it would be a bit odd not to tell you, and then you to bump into me looking like a blimp. Hope all is good with you."

neleh87 · 01/11/2023 19:04

Nope no need to tell him. Delete his number block from WhatsApp etc. It's really freeing! You've moved on. Congratulations on your baby.