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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just quit my job..

57 replies

mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:29

I work because I like to have a little bit of independence and it being good for my mental health.
I've found my most recent job has been detrimental to my mental health, it's stressful, not very well paid and after putting dd in nursery we've had Covid, Norovirus, cold.. it's exhausting. I feel constantly anxious.
DH wage is good and covers everything thank god.
Aibu or will I be seen as lazy if I just quit and be a SAHM for a while?

OP posts:
RubyBoozeDay · 01/11/2023 10:31

Do what is right for you, don't be influenced by other people's opinions. If you can afford to take a break from working, then do so, reset yourself, and go back to work when you feel you want to.

crazypavingstar · 01/11/2023 10:32

How old is your Dd?

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:32

She's 19 months x

OP posts:
DonPeggyJoan · 01/11/2023 10:33

There's nothing wrong with being a SAHM. And there's nothing wrong with quitting a job you don't enjoy then if you want to, finding something that suits you better. Life's to short. If I could afford to quit I'd be walking out the door today!

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:34

@RubyBoozeDay this is what I'm thinking.. maybe a year until DD would start preschool.. it is a shame in some respects as she's doing well at her nursery and they're lovely but it just feels so much more hassle and stress than it's worth. I can't decide whether to just quit now before my probation ends (end of nov) or to see Christmas out and leave at the start of the new year x

OP posts:
something2say · 01/11/2023 10:34

What does your husband say if he is about to pay all the bills while you stay at home?? I would NEVER make a man pay for everything...

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:36

The money I earn isn't a lot but all it is for is just so I have "my own" money and not asking DH all the time.. but he's said I can have the joint account card and within reason use it as and when. We've always just had our own bank accounts since we got together 11 years ago.

OP posts:
AccidentallyWesAnderson · 01/11/2023 10:36

something2say · 01/11/2023 10:34

What does your husband say if he is about to pay all the bills while you stay at home?? I would NEVER make a man pay for everything...

Stay at home looking after his child I presume?

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:37

He pays all the bills now as it is.. quite literally everything, from the mortgage to phone bills. I'm very lucky.

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 01/11/2023 10:38

There's nothing wrong with being a sahm , if you don't like the job and it's stressful it's not worth it . You'll have plenty of time to go back to work in the future when your dd is older

Heyhoherewegoagain · 01/11/2023 10:38

something2say · 01/11/2023 10:34

What does your husband say if he is about to pay all the bills while you stay at home?? I would NEVER make a man pay for everything...

Despite it looking like he appreciates the role OP will be playing in family life?

I’d quit in a heartbeat if I could, and wouldn’t care about other people’s opinions, the on,y opinions which count are yours and your partner’s. There are more ways than financial to contribute to a relationship

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:39

We have 2 children. One school age and one younger. I had to miss the eldests harvest festival because of work which I was quite gutted about.. it's things like that on top of everything else I don't like to miss

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 01/11/2023 10:40

something2say · 01/11/2023 10:34

What does your husband say if he is about to pay all the bills while you stay at home?? I would NEVER make a man pay for everything...

I'm guessing he'd say something along the lines of "Thanks for saving us a fortune in childcare and picking up more housework than me".

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:40

He's absolutely fine with it.. I cried after work the other night as it's really affecting me and he said "just quit. We don't reply on your wage. No one is forcing you to work, you're putting pressure on yourself"

OP posts:
crazypavingstar · 01/11/2023 10:40

It's at the end of the day what is right for you and your family! It's getting the balance as I also found I enjoyed working however it sounds like things are a bit tricky.
I worked 2 days a week when mine were little however it was only 2 days a week. I had a lot of family support from my in-laws so that helped as it was only my youngest who went to nursery I day a week.
Is your job full time?

Wolvesart · 01/11/2023 10:41

Don’t think of it as lucky, in a relationship assets are joint. Your job isn’t your only role, you are doing more childcare etc.

if the job makes you miserable, give it up. There’s other stuff out there and it gets better re kids getting viruses etc.

MarvellousMinnie · 01/11/2023 10:41

I did exactly this and don't regret it for a moment. Work was so stressful as my manager was very difficult and overnight our lives became sunnier.
Also, don't take notice of people who tell you that you will struggle to get back into the workplace...I had 4 years off and walked back into a similar role, as did a couple of friends.
If you can afford it, if your husband is ok with it, just do it. Nothing has to be forever.

DyslexicPoster · 01/11/2023 10:42

I got made redundant when I had my fourth child after having worked when all the rest was babies / toddlers. I don't regret looking for another job. My third child has significant SEN and I was stressed working around his SEN school nursery taxi. You can always go back

crazypavingstar · 01/11/2023 10:42

something2say · 01/11/2023 10:34

What does your husband say if he is about to pay all the bills while you stay at home?? I would NEVER make a man pay for everything...

Bit harsh, what do you think bringing up your children counts as???

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:42

No it's 4 days but it's just a minimum wage pay, so I'm not bringing home an awful lot. I've barely spent my wages in honesty, they've just gone into savings x

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 01/11/2023 10:42

If you genuinely don’t need the money in the medium term and are confident your DH won’t become controlling over money which he perceived as “his”, do what’s best for your family. But with a faltering economy and falling job market in the horizon, finding another job again in a year or so is likely to be a lot more difficult than it has been in recent years - so you need to be pretty confident you’re not going to need an income with any urgency.

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:45

When I was crying the other night he handed me a debit card and said take this, use it for taking the kids out, coffees etc, clothes if needed - whatever you'd use your wages for.

I work as I feel "like I should" this year alone I missed Easter Sunday and Monday, Halloween, my eldests harvest festival.

I think if I didn't have kids and the job was closer it would be ok.. but it is stressful for the money and it's just affecting me even when I'm not there.

OP posts:
Brieandbeetroot · 01/11/2023 10:46

I'm going to be doing similar. I like my work, doing well, in theory salary is good but is eclipsed by DH's and is purely extra money for saving/spending). But they've changed the goalposts re hybrid working since I joined and DH works long hours, travels often and unpredictability and we have a toddler. I just can't and don't want to be pulled in 20 different directions by DH's work and my own employer and have no say in how my day to day life looks. DH loves the family life we have, facilitated by me, and loves his job and it's opportunities and knows he couldn't have both if he had to do anywhere near half the family/domestic management.

If it works for you and your family, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks although still doesn't stop me thinking am I lazy? Stupid? Selfish? DH answered a resounding no so I felt we were both on the same page and I'm looking forward to it.

Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:47

It's like yesterday my son has vomited since midnight.. then at work I started with it myself.. and I had to leave him with my dad. I just want to be with him but they said there was no cover at all so I had to try going in.

OP posts:
Original poster
mylittleponyrainbow · 01/11/2023 10:49

@Brieandbeetroot I completely understand. When I was pregnant and not working I remember thinking "I'm just a waste of space I contribute nothing"
Dd was newborn and I just wanted a job and to get out.. I actually had PND x

OP posts:
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