To still be pondering over this parents evening..

[SheWhoShallNotBeNameChanged]

Had parents evening for DS who is 6 and just started y2. He’s always been a lovely child (I know I’m biased) and the teacher said the same thing. She mentioned a couple of things he could improve on, like his handwriting and his concentration which I agree with.

Then she said, laughing (not unkindly), ‘it’s like having a little lapdog around- he’s always wanting to please us and do his best’. At the time I didn’t say anything as I presumed I’d got the definition of lapdog wrong but when I got home and looked it up, it meant what I originally thought, someone weak who’s always eager to please. Now I can’t get it out of my head! She said it 3 times in total, but is so kind to him and really is a great teacher so the rational part of me knows she probably didn’t mean it insultingly.. right?? It’d be crazy to email her and ask her not to call him that again.. right?

YABU- it doesn’t matter, it’s just a word and she’s so lovely other than this
YANBU- it’s okay to email her and tell her her use of it made me uneasy

Yabvvvu! It was said with affection. Please do not even think of upsetting this lovely teacher. She sounds fab.

Good god. Move on.

She means a literal puppy dog. The intentions were kind. Emailing is only going to cause upset and make her second guess every interaction with him & you from here on in.

She said a nice thing about your child. That's good. Move on.

Fgs she was saying something kind about him. Leave it alone.

Thank you for giving my head a wobble- I’m sure we’ve all been in a position where we’ve felt protective over something said about our child, so it’s good to know I’m not being reasonable. She’s absolutely lovely and I won’t say anything.

I think she meant lapdog as in wanting to be with her all the time, eager to be in her company. It was a sweet compliment.

Please don’t be that parent and tarnish the teachers relationship with your child!

I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t love the definition lapdog because in my mind a lapdog is quite clingy… but in this case I’d never say a thing because she’s a great teacher and she clearly really likes him. I’d 100% focus on him being the positive things you knew he would be and drop it.

Sounds like she chose a bad word to use to describe what she meant.

personally I would be concerned by this too. I have a child who is also very compliant and the teachers are always very positive about him and the fact he ALWAYS does as he is asked. I think being an overly compliant child comes with its own issues. I highlighted to my child’s teacher that behind that compliance is a child who is scared to make mistakes, worries massively about small things he might get wrong at school etc. oddly I think some children actually need to learn to break rules or slack off every now and then 😂.

Given his age I'd also assume she meant "puppy dog" ie enthusiastic and eager to please.

I agree with not saying anything because it sounds well intentioned but I do get what you mean. I don't think of lapdog as a compliment as such, it brings to mind someone slightly annoying who won't leave you alone. So, yeah I'd be a bit taken aback if someone described my kid as a lapdog.

As a teacher and a parent, don't say anything. The intention was good though the choice of language was off, I agree. Best to keep your 'complaints' to those that really matter ( if you ever have any) as you'll be taken more seriously if you haven't nitpicked previously.

Thank you @Vallmo47 , that’s where I was coming from. The majority of the definitions I saw included words like ‘weak’ and ‘insipid’ which I don’t think any parent would be happy their child was called. However, I accept it was with good intentions which is why I was so torn.

I won’t be saying anything.

but is so kind to him and really is a great teacher

Try and end the thought there. I know what you mean though, it’s a description I’d generally use for a needy boyfriend!

I wouldn’t say anything, but I would work on your DS’s independence and risk taking a little. He’s clearly a lovely child who is eager to please, but I’d read between the lines of what the teacher said and boost the other sides of his personality.

She could have just said 'eager to please', no need to mention a dog comparison at all. I wonder what animals she compared the less well behaved ones to?

Those definitions are for when the word lapdog is used for a politician or other powerful person. “X Is Y’s lapdog”.

She didn’t call him a lapdog, she said he was like a lapdog, she’s clearly using the other definition of the word …a small, cute dog that follows its owner closely.

She’s not comparing him to Quisling… she’s comparing him to a Pomeranian. It’s cute!

This tbh. Perhaps she didn't get the connotations.

I’m not sure I’d be keen on it, but it’s unlikely she’s looked up the definition and thought about it that deeply and accurately, she probably just meant he’s very attached to her and eager to please.

Years ago ds had a school report that had a word used I really didn't feel described him at all. (Annoyingly I can't remember the word right now but basically the word called ds serious and shy unable to speak up-ds is nothing like this)

I asked around friends and found many people did not understand the true meaning of the word and used it to mean something someone who was quiet. I had to take a big breath and not take it up with the teacher and move on accepting the teacher used it differently to me.

In the case of your teacher she meant it like someone who wants to be near her all the time and who is eager to please. She may not be aware of other definitions. She is like @Takoneko said thinking of something cute and adorable like a pomeranian.

I too think she meant it more literally as he was like an actual LAP Dog ie small cute dog always around rather than the harsher “lapdog” meaning. Having said that if she mentioned it 3 times about my child I’d also be reading between lines a bit (whether rightly or wrongly) that I needed to get them to be a bit more self assured and independent. One child cannot be seeking that much time and reassurance from a class teacher however cute they are.

I definitely agree he needs to work on his independence, it’s never been his strong point. She was, however, also talking about how much he’s come on independence wise so I’m less concerned about that side of things than I was last year.

thank you, especially the posters who understood where I was coming from and those who were kind with their words. As I said, I think we’ve all had moments where we second guess ourselves over something someone said. I’ll definitely give her the benefit of the doubt and presume she wasn’t using it in a negative way.

You looked up the definition of lap dog??

Blood hell!

OP this is not normal behaviour.

Obviously she wasn’t calling him a dog in the literal sense either.

You don’t always need to find something to be offended about.

If the teacher says there is an issue then listen to what she’s saying and try and help.

But if she’s complimenting your child, as she was, then accept it and just be proud of it.

I am sure she said it in an affectionate way but it is not the best choice of words. I would worry it implies that my child is a bit too eager to please, docile, vulnerable and a clinging. I am sure he is a lovely boy and teachers have to come up with something to say . Take it in the context of what you know about the teacher and your child.

I think you are really over thinking this.