To still be pondering over this parents evening..

[SheWhoShallNotBeNameChanged]

Had parents evening for DS who is 6 and just started y2. He’s always been a lovely child (I know I’m biased) and the teacher said the same thing. She mentioned a couple of things he could improve on, like his handwriting and his concentration which I agree with.

Then she said, laughing (not unkindly), ‘it’s like having a little lapdog around- he’s always wanting to please us and do his best’. At the time I didn’t say anything as I presumed I’d got the definition of lapdog wrong but when I got home and looked it up, it meant what I originally thought, someone weak who’s always eager to please. Now I can’t get it out of my head! She said it 3 times in total, but is so kind to him and really is a great teacher so the rational part of me knows she probably didn’t mean it insultingly.. right?? It’d be crazy to email her and ask her not to call him that again.. right?

YABU- it doesn’t matter, it’s just a word and she’s so lovely other than this
YANBU- it’s okay to email her and tell her her use of it made me uneasy

I would never have thought the definition of lapdog would be weak tbh. If you'd asked me to define it I'd have probably said a being that's cute, good natured, affectionate and eager to please.

I don't think there was any malice intended and I think you'd be crazy to bring it up.

I reckon she meant cute and loyal, lovely to have around. He sounds like a wee darling to me. And she sounds great!

Teachers can’t win, they must dread parents evening and parents getting offended at every little thing.

Maybe just next parents evening make a (smiling) comment back if she says it again - 'not sure dog is quite appropriate but I appreciate the sentiment', something like that. Let her know you're not quite comfortable with it and she'll likely think of a different simile. Main thing he's happy and has a lovely teacher who appreciates him.

You are right OP that the connotations of the word are not good, but I think she didn't realise this.

In the moment, I think it would have been fine to ask (with a smile and a friendly tone) if she was trying to give you a hint that your son is a bit clingy and needy, and, if so, did she have any suggestions as to how to help him build self confidence and independence. I think writing a message would be over thinking it and would make her uncomfortable.

Honestly my first thought was it's an affectionate term, but maybe cos I'm a dog person. It does have both usages & they are equally as legitimate. I suspect someone's mind refers back to how they first came across it or are most exposed to the term.

So for her, it's affectionate and a very sweet thing to say about your son. He probably brings her a lot of joy as a student cos, let's be honest, some kids are little shits.

I would understand her to mean cheerful, eager to please, kind, curious. Id not think she meant ready to do anyones bidding without question, weak willed, etc - for that shed probably say something more tactful "he's a lovely boy but can be easily influenced / easily led wgich might become a oroblem".

Poor choice of language and she meant more like a puppy dog - following her round, always wanting to please.

I wouldn't assume she's using it in the more political sense "the primeminister is acting like the president's lapdog".

Although I would take it as affectionate, if she mentioned it several times I would also wonder if she is subtly saying that it's also a bit much or maybe that he wants her attention for being a good boy.

It was meant kindly and with affection. In school i was very quiet, shy and followed the rukes etc and not into the school led sports. I was about 12 and at one parents evening Mrs Wright, pe teacher said to my mum and dad, "Sometimes Bbq looks at me in such a way i want to slap her across the face"..
We are still really shocked by that comment 40 odd years later. So, point is, it's far nicer to be calked eager to please

@Itsnotchristmasyet that’s a bit of a silly comment in regards to me looking up the word. I thought I knew what it meant and was checking to see if I was right. It’s silly to say I’m looking for something to be offended by when the whole point of this post was to check with others. It’s okay to ask a question without being made to feel stupid.

You're being very unreasonable and massively over-thinking this. To most people 'lapdog' just means a cute little loyal companion who wants to please you and likes being praised for good work.

In this context, it doesn't mean the teacher thinks your son is 'weak'. She means your son is eager to please in a good way, ie he's helpful and kind and attentive, likes to do his best, and reacts well to being praised/encouraged.

It would only be insulting if it was used in an obviously insulting context - usually only if it was applied to an adult who was being subservient to another adult (eg 'It's so embarrassing the way she follows him around at work trying to get him to notice her - he barely acknowledges her but she's still there begging for his attention like a lapdog' or 'How did Rudy Guiliani go from being the respected mayor of New York to being Donald Trump's lapdog?')

I wouldn’t want my child to be called a lapdog. It sounds needy and irritating. I wouldn’t say anything though but would be a bit annoyed.

I was about 12 and at one parents evening Mrs Wright, pe teacher said to my mum and dad, "Sometimes Bbq looks at me in such a way i want to slap her across the face"

One of my teachers once told my parents that my friend and weren't sufficiently positive and questioned things too much, and that it was like trying to teach 'the old men who heckle from the theatre in The Muppets'

This was my thought. A lapdog following you around is annoying and always there in your space. None of us know what meaning she had in her head though.

I think I might wonder a bit if your ds was depending too much on adults in the room for companionship and want to know how his friendships with his peers were going. Did the teacher say anything about that? Maybe encourage him to have friends home to play?

I can see why you thought it might have been a backhanded compliment but in 6 years time you will probably look back fondly on it and wonder where the hell that lovely little lapdog went😁

I don’t think I’d email about it, as it was clearly meant well, but I wouldn’t be thrilled about it, as I also understood it to have negative connotations. If she said it to me again in person I’d be tempted to ask her if she’d seen The Princess Bride, then say “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”. That shouldn’t cause offence, but would hopefully encourage her to look it up, and choose a better term for future use.

Oh OP. My kids are young adults but I'd have hated for them to be described as lapdogs.

It's an awful way to describe a young lad! In my mind a lapdog is weak, pathetic and easily led. Not an adjective I'd like my kids to be described as.

BUT she obviously likes him and enjoys teaching him and he likes her so would not disturb the status who.

I suspect she meant puppy dog, which is cute. I bet she went home and was kicking herself about saying lapdog!!

This is the definition I found:
someone who is willing to do anything that a more important person tells them to do
I'm sure the teacher would love all the kids to be a bit more like that!

It wouldn’t be something I would ‘complain’ about. But that observation would concern me. (Very similar things have been said about my own children!) Teachers may like it when their pupils are obedient and keen to please, but actually children turn into successful adults when they are assertive,
resilient and independent and self motivated!

I wouldn’t be chuffed with this either. I’d assume the teacher was a bit lacking.

Leave it.

I remember DDs Reception parents evening clearly, my nose was put right out of joint that my PFB "didn't engage with others and just watched them" and when I asked about harder reading books for home as she was getting picture books was told no because she wasn't reading at school although was reading simple chapter books at home. DD had been at playgroups and nursery for years and no one had commented negatively about her and I didn't recognize that description of her at all.

Turns out she was autistic, I didn't know that at the time and she didn't get her diagnosis until well into High School and that teacher was making very astute comments of a different type of behaviour compared to when DD was at home/nursery/ playgroup that she was familiar with. Throughout Primary school she was the only one who really picked up on Dd's differences, everyone else just brushed the quirks off as she was very quiet, very bright and compliant

The teacher didn't mean anything negative by what she said about your DS, but it could also be that he is following the adults around more than the other children, possibly a little clingy but pleasant and willing to please. I used to have a student who would always be by my elbow, tapping on me to get my attention continuously as long as DS isn't doing that and also spends time with his peers then there's nothing to worry about

I've never thought of 'lapdog' as weak, more following you around and eager to please. Clearly she wasn't saying it with any malicious intent. People get phrases incorrect all the time - context is everything. Please don't email. She clearly thinks your son is lovely.