Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My boyfriend love hearted a female colleagues picture and I feel upset- AIBU

50 replies

Goldbracelet24 · 01/11/2023 00:06

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2-3 months now. I’ve had issues with him looking at other women in the past, calling them hot, which has set the scene for all of this.
Firstly my boyfriend has mentioned that before getting with me one of his female colleagues came to his apartment.
Not long ago, I also noticed that he was following mainly women on Instagram. I noticed on Facebook he reacted the love heart emoji to revealing pictures of women.
We had a conversation about this, and he suggested he does not like as many females pictures in future and I agreed. This was a few weeks ago, and our conversation put my anxiety to rest.
I have just been on Facebook and I have noticed that he has reacted with a love heart to a female colleagues picture on a night out in a nice dress. I think it was the same colleague who came to his apartment.
When I saw it I felt quite gutted. I don't want to sound immature but it has really played on my insecurities and I wouldn't have minded a like but felt the love heart took it too far.
Is this a red flag or am I just being silly?

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/11/2023 00:08

End it. He’s not to be trusted. He is interested in other women, in connecting with them and flattering them. He’ll make you miserable and blame you for being ‘over sensitive’.

Wishingiwastracytutor · 01/11/2023 00:13

Jesus, this early in a relationship give your self a break and just ditch him now. You will find someone better when doesn’t make you feel like this x

HeddaGarbled · 01/11/2023 00:15

2-3 months is very early days. You could almost call it dating rather than boyfriend/girlfriend territory. I suspect you’re keener to call it a relationship and he’s still keeping his options open.

Maybe you should be keeping your options open too.

Aphroditee · 01/11/2023 00:17

End it. Too much drama for such a short space of time. You will never trust him if you’re getting anxious over this.

Men that follow mainly women on social media and heart react their photos is an ick and turn off for me. It usually means they’re sleazy.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/11/2023 00:18

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2-3 months now. I’ve had issues with him looking at other women in the past, calling them hot, which has set the scene for all of this.

You've been together for all of five seconds and you've already caught him being unfaithful/inappropriate multiple times?

Come the fuck on, op. Seriously. You really need randoms on the Internet to tell you this guy is a total waste of your time?

ImustLearn2Cook · 01/11/2023 00:19

I agree with @AtrociousCircumstance

You’ve only been together 2-3 months. Walk away. If you end it now you will be relatively unscathed. And you will open yourself up to meeting someone who actually likes you enough to not be interested in flirting with other women.

Albioncreed · 01/11/2023 00:19

2-3 months? Barely any time at all. And far too early for there to have been problems already. It shouldn’t be so hard. So early on. Ditch him and move on.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 01/11/2023 00:20

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2-3 months now. I’ve had issues with him looking at other women in the past, calling them hot, which has set the scene for all of this.

Christ on a bike, op, this is supposed to be the honeymoon period, when you're both on your best behaviour.

Just dump him. Then find your self-respect!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/11/2023 00:21

At most you’ve been dating for 90 days. For both your sakes end it now. You have crazy expectations and he is not as in to you as you are him. Potentially something serious could develop in the future, but unlikely.

if you are getting worked up by heart emojis that’s a bad sign.

ExTheCheater · 01/11/2023 00:23

You are crazy.

HMW1906 · 01/11/2023 00:28

You’ve only been together 2-3 months and you’re already having issues trusting him? End it now, this relationship isn’t going anywhere. It all may be innocent but it’s always going to be in the back of your mind that he’s doing something he shouldn’t be.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/11/2023 00:46

My ex was like this. He always (and I dont just mean with me, with every single woman he was ever with) had his eye open for something better just in case he was missing out. Killed every short and long term relationship he had. But even he wasnt this blatant about it!

Think about it this way, in the first few months you are at the stage where you both show yourselves at your absolute best, to give the best impression that you can.

This is his absolute best. Can you imagine what it will be like when you see him at his absolute worst?! He is a player, or likes to think that he is. Fancies himself far more than other women do I bet.

Get rid, and then have a long think about why you even stayed with him after the first incident. Its been weeks that you have been together, weeks! That sort of conversation is something I might expect after a rocky period in a long term relationship or marriage, not dating!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 01/11/2023 00:55

he suggested he does not like as many female pictures in future

So you're happy that he's a little less sleazy? Come on OP. Toss him back and find someone who is at least as committed as you are. He doesn't have to be declaring undying love but he should have both eyes on you, not one on who else is coming through the door

WeeDove · 01/11/2023 01:09

Agree you will be happier without him. He has an eye out elsewhere.
Don't get I to specifics as he'll just gaslight you.
Just tell him your on different pages.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 01/11/2023 03:14

So you’ve been dating 2-3 months, and not only is this happening now, but he’s also done it in the past!? OP, with all due respect, get a grip and some self respect and bin him! Jesus Christ, the bar is low. People treat you the way you allow.

SinnerBoy · 01/11/2023 03:56

So, he's openly gawping at other women when you're out together. Surely this tells you that he's poor relationship material?

I don't think that you actually need the advice to sack him off!

WaltzingWaters · 01/11/2023 04:04

An awful lot of drama already. Just end it. It’ll only get worse.

GodDammitCecil · 01/11/2023 04:13

2-3 months?

And you’re spending your time looking up who he’s liking/hearting?

Seriously?

Relationships are meant to be with people you liked and who like you. They’re meant to bring something to your life.

I don’t understand how sitting on your phone looking up his like history sounds like a good way to spend time.

There are zillions more fish in the sea. Ditch and move on.

GodDammitCecil · 01/11/2023 04:14

Honestly - do some people genuinely not understand how relationships are meant to work, or something….?

OldPerson · 01/11/2023 04:54

I completely adore my husband. Most amazing person I've ever met. We've been together for decades. We've been through everything from losing a child, to losing homes and jobs. Just never, ever, would either of us show interest in another person. I don't know your relationship, but it sounds rotten. I'm pretty sure that my husband and I are not the greatest people ever to have set foot on the planet - although we do have sound values and integrity - but that's how we make the other person feel. Personally I'd advise. Run. Run for the hills. And while you're running set yourself some values and boundaries. Your partner for life is the person who sees the strength and value in you. And the person you will make a life-commitment to - just because you know they are a worthy person with standards and values. Is it because young people have no value or standards? Or is it because values and standards have become confused with activists? But surely everyone knows right from wrong?

hattie43 · 01/11/2023 07:10

Why are you with this man .

CarpetSlipper · 01/11/2023 07:18

End it. Some people might be ok with him doing that - you clearly aren’t. You’re checking what he does on social media and fretting about him looking at other girls and it’s only two months in.
Don’t expect him to change who he is for you - there are men who don’t behave like he does.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 01/11/2023 07:24

I’ve had issues with him looking at other women in the past, calling them hot, which has set the scene for all of this

I'd dump him for this. As others have said you're in the early stages of a relationship where you're on your best behaviour so if he's like this now it's not going to get better.

Personally the love response to a FB post is a total non event to me, that's my default response over the like one to most posts. If my husband told me he didn't like it I'd think he was strange but I'd change to like as I wouldn't want him to feel shit and I love him. Having my social media use micromanaged, and knowing me partner was looking into all my interactions with this level of detail 2-3 months into a relationship would be a red flag to me though and I'd dump someone for behaving like you are over his.

However I do see I'm in the minority here, and at the end of the day if he's crossing your boundaries with this and making you feel crap it's time to end it

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/11/2023 07:26

Do you think he's going to change? Is that it? Do you think it's normal to have such problems so early on in a relationship?

For your own self-esteem and mental health, you should end this. You deserve so much better.

StrictlyComeSnoozing · 01/11/2023 09:59

If you're tracking his activity on social media now, when it's meant to be all sunshine and rainbows, what will it be like a year down the line?

Flip

1 2