To think my DD 2 year 9 could start a new school next Monday

[Georgianattiude]

My DD2 is extremely bright but very strong willed and naughty hence she deliberately failed her 11+ to prove a point to us. I thought at the time Ok you go to the school you want to then, fast forward to year 9 and after 4 after school detentions this year and currently being on report I think I need to move her one way or another to a new school.

The non selective school where she is tell me she is probably academically the brightest pupil in year 9 but also one of the most challenging. Last year she took a 13+ exam for a Grammar State Boarding School and passed but there were no places available, we live 150 miles away so it has to be a boarding place . yesterday I got a phone call asking would I still like a boarding place as a place has come up immediately in year 9.

I have not even told DD yet but I think she might be open to a change of environment, she said when she took the exam she would not mind going to Boarding school. I have a cousin who teaches at the school so she could do Weekend Exeat's with her if we can't be there,

I appreciate 150 miles is a long way and makes regular visiting difficult and time consuming. I also am assuming the school is not put off by her current behaviour record which is not very good, Thus, even if this does not happen I have to move her to another school which would likely be Private, because I don't think managed moves to Grammar Schools exist. Another non selective Comprehensive or Modern School is not going to work for DD2 and will just enable her behaviour to decline.

Well worth a try. If she is incredibly strong willed though boarding school may not be a good fit. It is all about behaviour there and so easy to get in trouble as you are there all the time.

it might be just the move she needs! If you pose it as an optional change though… you gotta be ready for her to say no and what would you do then?

Why does behave badly and why do you think a private school will help with this? Surely they’d just kick her out because they can?

Hmm. Seems like she’s not settling down. I think it’s unusual for a child to deliberately mess up the 11 plus. Does she recognise she’s hurting you by her behaviour? What is she doing at the school that’s causing her to be on report? Is that behaviour likely to change? She has, after all, manipulated the situation to her advantage to get the school she wants and now isn’t making the most of it. Why would she settle into boarding? Hardly likely to in my view.

However what have you got to lose? If she’s bright at a non grammar, what are the issues? She might get far more to occupy her time with boarding. However, what clubs and activities are available? Will she engage with the opportunities? Boarding Dc need to be busy. So check that out. I’d get packing if she agrees to go. Have plan C up your sleeve though as I rather suspect she’ll bounce back.

Can you share the school?

I was your DD in year 7 and 8 - I was much smarter than most of the class and had already covered all the subject matter which meant I was bored and ended up acting out and got in a lot of trouble. I went from being a complete geek on the first day of year 7 to almost being expelled and truanting by year 8. My parents moved me to a highly selective private school from year 9 where I was amongst peers and challenged and it worked! It took about a year for me to completely calm down but I did and ended up with excellent results. The only risk you would have with boarding school that I can see is that she might think you are sending her away for being naughty and that might give her more reason to rebel against you.

rockpooling together

That is so unfair and a stupid thing to ask
One girl going in to a new school with all of her previous in the open for other kids to share.

Anyway there are only two State Grammar Schools that take girl Boarders at year 9 so hardly rocket science...

She sounds troubled. Sending her away from her home and family is unlikely to be the answer for her. She sounds like she needs more nurturing, not less. I'd think very carefully about it. Her saying she "wouldn't mind" boarding sounds non comital at best, and more likely a put up show of defiance than a heart felt wish. And why would your cousin want to take her on? Why wouldn't you be doing everything you could to be there for her, if she ends up at boarding school.

I would want to understand what is driving the behaviour first before I could decide if YABU or not.

I would spend as much time as I could with her but the distance means it is likely I could only see her once every two weeks. This is where my cousin comes in who was the one who encouraged her to take the exam in the first place. Thus, it is likely I would stay with her and DD during Weekends.

We cant move closer as DD1 is in year 11 at a local grammar and obviously it is a very important year for her . She is in for all 8 and 9s . She also wants to go her schools Sixth Form, I don't know if she would consider DDs 2 potential school for Sixth Form, which would mean we could rent a house there in the short term. However, that might be unfair on her because all her friends are at her current school.

All the local Private schools do not have any places available, hence why this is very attractive and the fact my 'cousin' gets her that's what she says.

I have just mentioned it to her, and she is interested but told her it depends on whether the school will take her due to her behaviour. Hopefully, her report card will be good, she was put on report for acquiring her fourth after school detention this year ! The detentions have all been for answering back the teachers and being the 'Shop Steward' for the class , a part she is expected to play by the other kids. She pulls faces and mimics teachers to get laughs from the other pupils in the class ! She says because she is bored and the lessons do not stretch her.

It will be good for the other students in her current school if you move her, she sounds like she is disruptive and a pita.

this!

She engineered this whole situation. She does sound like a pita at school. Let her go. The worst that can happen is she bounces back. But she cannot complain about being bored as she chose to mess about in the 11 plus exams. Presumably you’ve reminded her of this. A new start could work but she needs to engage and, frankly, grow up.

Can a state school reject her on behaviour reports? Don't they just use the admissions criteria & nothing else? It would be different if it was a managed move

I should not be saying this but she is actually a very good mimic and is quite a comedian ! However, she has to grow up and realise there is a time and place for everything not during a Maths lesson for instance. Nor is it funny in the voice of her English teacher standing up in the class telling them that they are likely to have to redo their English GCSE's because they will not get a grade 4.

That mimicking the teachers does actually sound quite funny 😬

Move her! If it goes wrong you can try something else. She’s incredibly lucky to have been offered this place.

If she was behaving badly to get your attention then sending her to state boarding school could backfire. But it sounds like she’s strongwilled, bored and bright, with a superiority complex and zero respect or understanding of ethics. Perhaps this might be the fresh start she needs. Fingers crossed for you all.

Ps if you do end up looking at private schools one day, she sounds like a performing arts place would be a better fit.

I was thinking that. She should look at MFLs too. DD could mimic accents! She also enjoyed school plays and performing. Did MFL degree and is now a barrister. Used her skills appropriately through drama at school though. Hopefully the boarding school can give her this outlet. It’s quite usual for bored Dc to do this by the way. She does need to accept her role in all of this though.

DDs school used to have an evening called “pupil entertainment”. They wrote pieces to perform where DDs mimicked staff (not to ridicule them) It was comedy. It wasn’t for parents but it was an outlet and DD loved it! There was also “staff entertainment” where staff did a similar evening of comedy and music. School got a new head and it was banished but it had it merits!

Mimicking people in front of them is bullying. She doesn’t sound very nice and I bet the school would love you to move her. However, from your attitude it also sounds like you’ve been encouraging her implicitly.

It's a state boarding school.

Do Labour know they are State Boarding Schools that charge Fees for Boarding!

I say this because if they don't charge VAT on the Boarding Fees of State Schools how can it therefore be legal to charge VAT on Boarding Fees of a Private School.

I am sure the lawyers of independent schools are looking in to this.
it is just more evidence that people in politics are useless people with no ideas just soundbites for their followers.

because the fees in an independent boarding school cover education, whereas in a state boarding school they do not.

Are Boarding Fees and School Fees two different things. If you look at some Private schools they have School Fees and Boarding Fees separate. So they are two different components . So if a top Private school charges £40K PA 20 K is the School Fees 20k might be Boarding fees therefore could VAT be only charged on the School Fees and not on the Boarding Fees !

I have just got off the telephone with DD's current school explaining the situation and that I think that DD would be better suited to another school. The school head is disappointed to hear that but agrees DD might be better served in a different environment with a fresh start. The head acknowledged that perhaps DD should have been in a Grammar School from year 7 and maybe frustrations and boredom have aggravated some of this behaviour. DD also as acted out in a certain way to protect her year 7 brother who is also at the school but has SEN issues with communication and has wet himself on a couple of occasions . DD has recently punched one year 8 who had been bullying her brother very badly. The lad tried to pull DS pants down and make comments to the other year 8s that he had wet himself. DD not surprisingly was told this and found the boy and hit him. The school would normally have Suspended for that but because of the details isolated her for the day two weeks ago. The boy got a couple of detentions, the school perceived DD's act to be more serious than his attempted actions.

The head said that she is liked by most teachers who understand that when she is focused she is a credit and extremely academically able.

The school have said they will focus on DD's strengths if asked for a reference, not on her weaknesses which might have exacerbated by the surroundings and type of school.

Communication and bladder difficulties.

Georgian attitude:
The school sound as though they are really at fault for letting the bullying happen to your son and wonder whether that is the correct school for him. I know this will not be popular here but well done your DD for standing up to the 'bullies' that her young brother is not able to do. Those boys needed to come across your DD who obviously among her strengths is a willingness to stand up to bullies !

The two schools concerned that offer year 9 Boarding for DD's are both excellent schools with good pastoral care. I am sure your DD will meet some kindred spirits there and achieve both academically and emotionally .