To think my DD 2 year 9 could start a new school next Monday

[Georgianattiude]

My DD2 is extremely bright but very strong willed and naughty hence she deliberately failed her 11+ to prove a point to us. I thought at the time Ok you go to the school you want to then, fast forward to year 9 and after 4 after school detentions this year and currently being on report I think I need to move her one way or another to a new school.

The non selective school where she is tell me she is probably academically the brightest pupil in year 9 but also one of the most challenging. Last year she took a 13+ exam for a Grammar State Boarding School and passed but there were no places available, we live 150 miles away so it has to be a boarding place . yesterday I got a phone call asking would I still like a boarding place as a place has come up immediately in year 9.

I have not even told DD yet but I think she might be open to a change of environment, she said when she took the exam she would not mind going to Boarding school. I have a cousin who teaches at the school so she could do Weekend Exeat's with her if we can't be there,

I appreciate 150 miles is a long way and makes regular visiting difficult and time consuming. I also am assuming the school is not put off by her current behaviour record which is not very good, Thus, even if this does not happen I have to move her to another school which would likely be Private, because I don't think managed moves to Grammar Schools exist. Another non selective Comprehensive or Modern School is not going to work for DD2 and will just enable her behaviour to decline.

OP I don't think the problem with your DD is the school, but maybe take a look at how you disciplined her. That nastiness has got to have come from somewhere.

She wouldn't last 5 minutes in a private school. Perhaps a PRU sounds more where she's headed.

Did you mean to be so unnecessarily unpleasant?

I only just saw OP's comment about her daughter stepping up for her little brother being bullied, and honestly, I commend her for that.

But that does not excuse the general bad attitude she has all the time, and it doesnt mean she needs to go to a private school. She could easily end up expelled if she continues to be violent and defiant.

What is PITA?

No it doesn't, but people are so vicious on here. There's a real human trying to navigate the difficulty of bringing up a tricky teenager here.

Pain In The Arse

OH!

Thank you

Picture the rejoicing in the staff room!

Thank you Cold Caller there are some quite nasty comments towards both me and DD2. Regards to the comment that the staff room will be rejoicing well that is not what I have been told. Secondly how many kids capable of straight 9s at GCSE go to Secondary moderns ! For context my DD1 is in year 11 at the Grammar,DD2 flunked the 11+ for, she has gone through without any behaviour issues at all and is likely to get all 8 and 9s at GCSE, DD2 is academically more able than DD1 but has chosen to be the opposite of a 'Geek' to protect herself. I think she regrets failing her 11+ on purpose, but she will not admit it.

It seems it is very easy to paint a picture of someone based on only half the story. The picture painted here does not state that DD is a girl who helps all the children struggling in the class in particular Maths. The Maths teacher has said it is very difficult to keep DD interested, especially has she finds it difficult to give her different work from the rest of the class . DD is ready now to take GCSE in year 9 but finds herself in a school where only 25% achieve grade 5 in English/Maths in year 11. DD's English is also very good and likely she could attain 9s in both language and Literature GCSE's in year 11 . It is very easy to see a bad girl in DD and little in redeeming factors based on limited info without seeing the full picture.

This move looks like it is happening which means we all be going down on Saturday afternoon in two cars because I will stay on for a few days to help her settle.

She is a bit upset because 5 year 10 boys have asked her out this week!
However she is ready to grow up and achieve her potential in a different school where there is no image to conform to and she is not the only ;bright kid in the school.

good luck, I hope it works out well for her

Good luck. I hope the move works out well for you all.

@Georgianattiude Its a well used strategy to get bright DC to explain the maths to those who find it more difficult . A teacher of maths really should be able to broaden out the curriculum to keep her mind working. It’s pretty lazy teaching if they don’t bother.

The school she finds herself in is en interesting concept, it’s as if she had nothing to do with it. She did. She’s the architect of it. A bit of honesty and Mea culpa might be worth pursuing with her.

You assert she’s the only bright kid in the school which is very rude. Your child is there because she wanted to be and now it’s not good enough. She’s even misguided enough to think clever Dc are “geeks”. Are they really? All of them? Not that I’ve seen. Good luck with the new school and do keep us posted.

TizerorFizz
DD is not the only bright kid at the school and I owe the school an apology because having looked at the Ofsted Tables the school gets 41% at Grade 5 Maths/English. The school actually does well with its typically 58 high attainers each year and if they stay for Sixth Form they average a B- at A Level. Sorry for painting the school in an unfair light. The school is regarded quite well in the area and looking back it is why I allowed her to go there in the first place. The three friends who enticed her to fail the 11+ are no longer friends and often call her a Snob Swot and Rich Girl. I have told her that is a life lesson she has learned which is to be swayed by others especially if it is against your own interest.

A silly other mistake I made was taking DD's word that nobody in her class can do Maths when looking at the figures, it is obvious that the majority of the top English/ Maths sets will attain at least Grade 5 at GCSE.

DD though needs to be somewhere new where she can get rid of her acquired persona and just be in the pack. Last night she told me it is very tiring playing the part she does.

Not to be swayed by others...

I wonder having read this thread again whether your DD might be Autistic certainly her actions in school show traces of PDA. I also believe her actions with teachers and pupils alike are coping strategies, perhaps one reason for failing the 11+ was a deep fear in herself that she was not good enough. this being something that she would keep to herself rather than opening up to you or others. The failing of the 11+ dealt with her inbuilt fear and also allowed her to create an image around bravado, not being bothered perception of being tough etc . However, now she is ready to leave her contrived image, but has to much baggage in her current school.

Well DD had her first boarding night on Sunday and her first school day at her new school on Monday. So far everything has gone very well indeed. After her first day on Monday evening and last night DD has phoned me to tell me how good the school is and that she is really enjoying boarding.

. I am currently staying with my cousin who is a teacher at the school who says that DD appears to have settled very quickly. DD will likely spend the majority of weekends with my cousin who has a young 9 year old daughter.
According to her house mistress DD is a very likeable girl who on first impressions very chatty and 'polite' DD thinks the other girls in the boarding house are making her feel at home and are so friendly. She also believes that she no longer has to play the 'Big Girl' hence the rudeness to teachers and staff, which she is adamant was to protect herself and her brother from the bullies.

DD though is very worried about DS in year 7 and keeps talking about him on the phone . DD wants me to move him from the school, she says there is terrible bullying and DS is a big target because of his SEN issues

I am very happy with how the transition appears to have gone, though we are only 4 days in.

Great to hear it is going well

I would say that, as an individual, DS should be allowed to think about his options for himself. Plus you should talk to him. Dsis is trying to be kind but she’s not him. I would be inclined to remind her of that. Glad she’s happy though.

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