To wonder if nurseries and childminders judge parents who send their children when they don’t work?

[Anotherdayishereagain]

Just wondering if they do. I know they would be too professional to show it to the parents face hope so anyway!

How would they know? Surely they are just happy to get money?

How would they know? Why would they care? The child is there under their care in either scenario.

I was a childminder for a few years, one of the little ones I minded had a mum who was at home full time, he still came to me twice a week. I never once judged her decision, he was a lovely boy and I was grateful for her business and her trust.

I can't imagine they would have any idea. Our old nursery did know that I worked and sort of knew what I did (I work in infectious diseases, so I got a lot of questions during COVID, even though I don't do those sorts of ID). But honestly, our more recent one (before youngest started school), I can't imagine they had any idea if I worked or what I did. I would assume that they did think I worked because we also used holiday club, but to be honest, most parents I see doing nursery/preschool/school runs are dressed very casually. I almost assume everyone is just going home to slum around the house because that's how they look! But realistically, I assume all to most of us work, but with the exception of a few friends, I have no idea really if any of them do.

I think childcare staff only judge when you make their lives difficult - not sending in clothes as requested, ridiculous lunches filled with chocolates they have to sort through and remove, being late for pick up constantly, disappearing and not turning up when you've booked a day, not paying on time.

No why would they? I don’t work but have been judged for NOT sending my child to nursery so seems you can’t win either way.

That’s a very judgy op.
plenty of reasons why someone who doesn’t work might need to send a child to nursery.

What difference does it make? It's still a paying customer.

doesn’t bother me.

Surely it’s very common, at least common enough that providers don’t really think about it? I thought the whole purpose of government funded hours for two-year-olds of parents on certain benefits was so that those children from homes where parenting isn’t always optimal gained some early education, which most providers would support for children.

I can't imagine that they care either way.

I don't work and send DS 2 half days a week. Not sure if they are calling me in behind my back but they've never given me the impression that they're judging me!

I think they probably prefer me because they know I will keep him off at the first sign of a sniffle to save them all catching it, whereas if I was working I suppose he'd have to go in and spread his germs around unless he was properly poorly!

I'm on maternity leave and my DS still goes in 4 days a week. He's nearly 4 and full of beans. I thought about keeping him home 1 more day and changing him down to 3 days but tbh I find him full on and I need to care for the baby without constant interruptions. I know lots of mums manage it and I do worry the nursery think I'm lazy tbh ☹️

I had a friend who worked in a nursery and judged the parents whether they worked or not. She said she couldn’t see why people had children if they didn’t want to look after them.

She then had a child, stopped work, found parenting a lot more effort than she’d expected and sends him to nursery for most of the week.

Unreasonable people are unreasonable, they don’t need a good reason.

Do what works for your family.

We took DS’s a few mornings a week for the social element even though DH was a SAHP. Nursery’s aren’t there solely for working parents only.

I send my DS for his benefit, not mine, why would they judge that?

People send their DC to nursery for socialisation as well as care. I was a SAHM and both my DC went two days a week to get them used to a group care setting, to prepare them for school. Why would anyone judge that?

Why do they care? Or most importantly why do you? I don't work but I have a nanny. Who is going to judge me and I honestly don't care.

Snap. That’s exactly what we did to help prepare us and them for when they started school.

I'm going to continue sending my DS for his usual 2 days when I am on maternity with my next baby. He enjoys going, does lots of stimulating activities and it means new baby gets me all to themselves for a while the same as DS did. Plus I need the break, I love him but gosh he's full on.
I can't see our nursery staff caring tbh, they're almost all mums themselves and will understand that looking after toddler and newborn is much harder than just newborn.

Depends really doesn’t it? If you send your child for 50 hours a week (8-6 Mon-Fri) from six months old and don’t work or have other children, but just want me-time, I might judge.

If you work part time and send your child on one extra day to catch up with everything you haven’t been able to do while accompanied by a toddler, or if you don’t work but send your child 1-2 days a week for socialisation/messy play etc, I can’t see what anyone could possibly object to.

We live in a small flat and don’t have a garden. DS had an idyllic time at his nursery with its massive garden, indoor climbing frame, art, etc. I do work, but if I hadn’t, I would still have sent him for all of those benefits. Probably for fewer hours, but I would still have sent him.

Mine did the 15 free hours when I was a SAHM - it was for their benefit not mine and about getting ready for school . I don’t think there was any judgement and was quite common where we lived . Also meant I got all the cleaning and chores out the way then and could do nice stuff with them in the afternoons .

My Mom is a childminder and so I grew up surrounded by childminders and now a nanny and surrounded by a lot of Nannies and childcare providers and I would say that yes, a good chunk judges.

One of the main complaints I heard from childminders growing up was that they were being sent kids even when parents didn’t need to and or when they were sick (they were more annoyed at the latter because unavoidably everybody would then get sick which admittedly isn’t great).

in the end does it matter if they judge you? Or what they think? Would it stop you from sending him/her in? In the end you can control what you do but can’t control what people think of it so do what’s best for you and ignore the potential judgment.

I was a childminder for 10 years and absolutely did not .. if parents had a day off together I encouraged them to do something as a couple even though I would be paid if they stayed at home.

when they were sick (they were more annoyed at the latter because unavoidably everybody would then get sick which admittedly isn’t great).

Anyone who sends a sick DC deserves to be judged IMO.

I'm a childminder and sent my 2 to nursery even though I was at home looking after other people's kids 🤷‍♀️

It was only 2 days a week and purely for them to socialise in a larger environment with more children and different caregivers before they started school.

I don't care if anyone judged me and I don't judge parents who send children to me.