to just be completely fed up woyh mil

[mustsleep]

ok now we get along ok we are civil or i am civil and she is often moody and off with me for no particular reason

but am 12 weeks pregnant and she actually called me up the other day just to say "so are you going to have those tests to see if it's a mongel with you being old now" ffs apart from the term she used which isn;t nice at all i am only 26!! and then she will go on and on about it to dh until he is woried about it

i refuse to tell her that we are planing on having homebirth as she will be straight down to tell dh that i will die baby will die etc

omg your jeans aren;t too tight are they you'll strangle the baby

i will buy you a moses basket even though you have told me on numerous occasions that you don;t need one (with having two kids already) nd then keep it at my house and smoke all over it (so i wouldn;t want to use it and then be rude whn i explain why)

to constantly tell me that dd (2) is a dirty little arab because her hair is in a mess and that ds (6) never behaved this badly (had the odd tantrum) and looked so scruffy (he did)

to tell me that the house is a mess no matter how immaculate and if she does acknowledge that it is tidy it must be down to dh

to expect me to wait on hr hand and foot and make her tea and drinks four hours after having dd and then hanging around for two hours after everyone has gone

to have her friends call us up and tll us we are awful to her because we should be giving her money (even though we have no money for leisure activities ourselves but she has no mortgage and can afford to smoke twenty a day)

taht she feels the need to make it a competition with my mum so that ds feels he can not say if grandma bought him something cos hse will be funny with him

to not want her to look after the kids cos she just lets them do whatever they want but if we do not ket her she will complain that we never ask her

to expect her to smoke outside and not in the kitchen and to not sit in the kitchen doorway with the door wide open and all the smoke billowing in... and i know that she still smokes in the kitchen as ds tells me

arrrrgggghhhhh

feel much better now sorry about the rant

She sounds awful you poor thing!
How does dh deal with her?

if he thinks that she is being completely rude he will say something to her

once one of his friends was round and was saying that is doctor had put him on antidepressants, and even though she didn;t know his mate she was like you can;t possibly be as sick as me and all the things i have to deal with blah blah blah

and i remember that dh did actually ask her to leave on that occasion, but as for the other stuff he will tell me she doesn;t mean it like that or that i am over reacting but i am not

she sounds horrid.

Sounds a bit like my MIL - only not quite as horrid! Poor you!

mishymoo yours must be a complete nightmare then

aargh I meant not quite as horrid as your MIL

I sympathise. I have one like that. When my husband 1st met me and told his mother we were seeing each other she said a very long statement in german (which she is) It translated as red headed women are the spawn of the devil. I have red hair. Nice.

Could you buy her a nice new sweater (polyester)
And a body spray (aerosol)
And suggest a new hairstyle that requires a lot of hairspray.
And buy her a nice engraved ZIPPO lighter.
And stand well back

If she complains about the childrens hair - hand her a hairbrush.

If she remarks on the state of your house - show her where the hoover is kept.

If she want's refreshments - point her towards the kettle and get her to make you one too, while she's at it.

If she smokes in your house - spray her with neutradol, while she's still smoking.

Let her buy a moses basket - the give it to the kids for their dolls.

Tell her friends to eff off and get a life when they phone you up to complain on her behalf.

Job done.

mustsleep, I can bore you to tears with my mil. She is a horrid, nasty, selfish person. Luckily my dh sort of agrees.

And after the way she treated me last year, he told her to apologise. Which of course, she hasn't. So now we don't speak to each other. We're civil when she's around to see my ds.

Lately she's been trying to be friendlier to me, but I just ignore her.

I feel for you. It took me a long time to get over the fact that any person can be as horrible as she is. It's just not in my make-up and I found it hard to come to terms with. But it is getting easier to ignore her.

Tell her if she can't find anything positive to say then to just shut up and leave.
This is the sort of input you don't need.

I expect she'll predict piles, breech birth post natal depression, husbands always have affairs after baby is born etc etc.
You don't need that
Just at her remarks!

My dad is tactless, but she is just rude and horrid.

Can i hi-jack? I too have the most awful mil. We haven't spoken in 18months. It does make it difficult coz of dd but mil knows she's not welcome here and hasn't set foot in our house since new year 2007. My dh drops dd off at hers so they still have a good relationship and dd doesn't know anything is wrong. My dh is on my 'side'. His mum just suddenly developed a dislike for me and started being catty every time i saw her until i'd had enough and refused to go to her house anymore...things escalated to the point that she would rant and rave to my dh who would just put the phone down on her. It is still unknown what her problem is with me but we just get on with our lives. Now she is trying to win us back and has apologised to dh a few times but never to me. Until then we will just continue to carry on as we have been, but it is very sad for dd coz we don't have family get-togethers anymore. DD has never asked anything and just accepts things. Its a sad place to be but she has caused me so mush heartache that she has got an awful lot of grovelling to do. I could quite happily never speak to her again, but it's not just about me is it?

Is anyone still watching this thread? I was the last one on here last week, have i scared everyone off?! I tend to have that effect on people!heehee (only kidding)
Well the latest development with me is that mil came to see me yesterday to apologise. She didn't want to talk about anything that had happened or why she suddenly fell out with me which i thought was a tad unfair seeing as how i've been stewing over things the last 18mnths wondering what i've done, think i deserve an explanation don't you? Anyway got a few bits out of her, all my fault (of course), apparently i irritated her one day over lunch because i didn't eat all my pudding (didn't want any, had it forced upon me by dear mil) and she thought my table manners were bad that i dare to leave it...she said in her day she would have eaten anything put in front of her to be polite to the bf's Mum. (well that was in her day) I'm not prepared to make myself ill over a bloody bowl of custard!! She said a few other things that wound me up a bit but i kept my cool, to keep the peace really. But since she left yesterday i can't stop thinking about things she said. I know i need to forget it and i will in time but atm i'm still unhappy about things. Don't trust her motives either..she is currently going through a messy divorce and can't help thinking she is just trying to get all the family on her side. (I'm soooo cynical aren't i?!) She reckons the divorce is the reason for her new outlook on life and thats why she wants to make amends...would appreciate any feedback on this so i can put it to bed. Fed up of thinking about it! Help perleeeez! xx

Hmm. To stop you thinking its just about her and you for a mo, and putting aside her bloody awful behaviour, very unhappy people who feel they have no control over their lives will often try to exert it somewhere else.

It sounds like she is taking her frustration out on you in the most unproductive way when really she should be treating you to a cake and coffee and winning your support that way.
NONE of which excuses her behaviour, but my point is, its not about you and its not your "fault".

She treated you like a whipping girl because she was unhappy in her marriage so no wondered you're pissed off.

It sounds like she knows she's acted out of order so even if she is only trying to get you on side, just enjoy it but stay on your guard. I would make her work to get back in my good books, but then I'm like that!

I had this from my MIL too. My dd left some of her pudding one time and despite the fact that kids ate free so although she paid for lunch she didn't pay for dd's meal, she still get annoyed about the fact that I didn't force feed my dd.
I think I'd still give her a wide berth if I were you, she my have a new outlook on life, but she's still behaving badly.

God, she sounds like a complete bitch face. Sympathies.

She sounds like a nut. all that over a pudding? Lawd have mercy. you are better off without her.

Christ on a bike.
Am I just the luckiest person in the world?
My XP was an absolute prick but his mum was always there for me, never interferred, and would always support me against him. In 6years we had two arguments, one of those after I ahd split with XP because she found out that I had met my current DP on the internet and was sure he was a murderer, so just worry for me and the DC's really.

Now, DP's mum is a gem, wouldn't dream of telling me I was doing anything wrong, will ask me before she even offers the DC's a biscuit incase I have other plans, and is going to heopfully be one of my birthing partners.

I don't know how I'd cope with such a busybody, you all have my sympathies. Tell them to STFU.

(Maybe that's why mine are nice, they knwo I wouldn't have stood for it )

PMSL@'Christ on a bike'. I think I'll make that my Easter phrase@VicSqual

You have my sympathies wiggleit - my mil v. similar. She will go through phases of sulking with dh and I, mostly for attention. She did this after we got married and after each of the dcs were born. Would set 'tests' for dh - who was more important her or me and dcs? She told him once she was depressed and had been seeing a therapist who had advised her to tell dh that the root of her depression was his refusal to go and see one weekend.

Agree with bearmama - your mil obviously has baggage - don't carry it for her.

She has baggage? She is a baggage! I thought my MIL was bad!

I can't get past OP's first sentence

we get on ok and are civil

sod that she is a cheeky rude ignorant mare and I wouldn't be bothering with her at all

sorry but life is short enough to have to tip toe round these people

Follow Katie Scarletts advice - brilliant xx

Thanks everyone, didn't expect so much response, cheers! Well you've all basically said what i was thinking so at least i know it's not just me. She just got my back up the way she came into my house without any explanation then proceeded to put the blame on me, then go on and on about her divorce and expect sympathy, basically blaming her hubby for her behaviour! It seems anyone will do to take the blame as long as it's not her fault.She is a nut and DH and i think she has lost the plot..along with a few other family members. I just like to give people a chance thats all but to be honest don't think she really deserves one. It's only to make life easier with DD. Wish i could just erase her from my mind. xx

Haven't told you that she refused to come to our wedding have i? DH and i got married last year and dear mil nearly anded up on the psychy ward when he broke the news to her! She said she didn't believe he was happy with me and if only she'd met the girl he was seeing before me ( whom she refused to meet because she had 4 kids and tattoos) then he wouldn't be where he is today ie married to me! Cheeky cow! She almost had a nervous breakdown and i'm not exaggerrating! When she came yesterday the wedding was mentioned and she just said "you didn't need me there, it was your day." And i said "Yes, but he's your son, first born and first to marry" Her reply was "It's a wedding, I've been to hundreds of weddings!!" Speechless!