to just be completely fed up woyh mil

[mustsleep]

ok now we get along ok we are civil or i am civil and she is often moody and off with me for no particular reason

but am 12 weeks pregnant and she actually called me up the other day just to say "so are you going to have those tests to see if it's a mongel with you being old now" ffs apart from the term she used which isn;t nice at all i am only 26!! and then she will go on and on about it to dh until he is woried about it

i refuse to tell her that we are planing on having homebirth as she will be straight down to tell dh that i will die baby will die etc

omg your jeans aren;t too tight are they you'll strangle the baby

i will buy you a moses basket even though you have told me on numerous occasions that you don;t need one (with having two kids already) nd then keep it at my house and smoke all over it (so i wouldn;t want to use it and then be rude whn i explain why)

to constantly tell me that dd (2) is a dirty little arab because her hair is in a mess and that ds (6) never behaved this badly (had the odd tantrum) and looked so scruffy (he did)

to tell me that the house is a mess no matter how immaculate and if she does acknowledge that it is tidy it must be down to dh

to expect me to wait on hr hand and foot and make her tea and drinks four hours after having dd and then hanging around for two hours after everyone has gone

to have her friends call us up and tll us we are awful to her because we should be giving her money (even though we have no money for leisure activities ourselves but she has no mortgage and can afford to smoke twenty a day)

taht she feels the need to make it a competition with my mum so that ds feels he can not say if grandma bought him something cos hse will be funny with him

to not want her to look after the kids cos she just lets them do whatever they want but if we do not ket her she will complain that we never ask her

to expect her to smoke outside and not in the kitchen and to not sit in the kitchen doorway with the door wide open and all the smoke billowing in... and i know that she still smokes in the kitchen as ds tells me

arrrrgggghhhhh

feel much better now sorry about the rant

seriously, until she can learn to behave, cut her out

why do some mil, dm think they can behave like this, mil and dm both use mongol, they dont see any harm. we have a neighbour with a ds child i have to warn them that he isn't a mongol, they really take offence. no thoughts for ds mums feelings.

Really? I wouldn't be being unreasonable seeing as she's been and apologised (not for anything in particular, she just said sorry) I really don't know how to handle thos situation!

this situation!

would you accept someone else into your life who behaved in the manner you described? I certainly wouldn't and the fact that she is supposed to be your nearest and dearest certainly doesn't excuse her

how does your dh feel about it as the ball would be in his court as its his mum

I'd be inclined to ask him to tell her she's not welcome until she can respect your (and by that I mean dh and your) decisions and can behave in your company - until then sod off and take her mean twisted attitude with her

some people genuinely don't realise how poisonous their behaviour can be and until its pointed out to her you may have to put up or shut up

hard choice though and I don't envy your situation in the slightest

My DH is totally supportive of me and thinks we should give her a wide berth. That says a lot really doesn't it? xx

what a terrible shame, some people really don't do themselves any favours do they and its soooooooo hard when its someone you're meant to love and respect unconditionally.

am glad you have support of dh thought, have seen some threads where some ladies dh's have been torn between them and the mil

not fun at all

Thanx to everyone who's chipped in tonight with the advice, it's most appreciated. Will still probably lay awake tonight going over it all in my head again, even though she's not worth the head space. Ta for all your comments dizzychixies.xx

you're very welcome, please don't waste anytime worrying about this, what will be will be and hopefully it will all work out in the end

Hi, i'm back again, been wondering, do you think i should write to her and put all my feelings down on paper? I need to get this off my chest somehow and it needs to be directed at her so she knows she hasn't won me yet. What do you all think? sorry to go on but as you can probably tell it is still really bothering me! Cow!!

I would be tempted to write it all down and not post it - go back to it in a few days and look at it again with a clearer mind. When you decide what the real sticking points are, discuss them with dh and leave him to deal. his mother so up to him really

Thanx dizzy, kind of what i had in mind really. Am currently typing out my feelings etc, but going to leave it a few days til i'm calmer and go back to it and let DH read it and then decide whether to e-mail her or whatever. I just need to unload my mind. DH is 100% behind me and doesn't even think i should waste my time writing stuff down but it's what i need to do to straighten my mind...I'm so worked up about things, there has to be some release! I'm lucky that he is soooo supportive. He actually said tonight that he thinks she is unwell in the head department and maybe won't see what i'm getting at because she is ill. Her own sister thinks she has lost the plot! HOpe i'm not doing your head in dizzy....i know i'm doing mine in!! xx

no, not at all, I have issues with ours, mainly fil who drives me nuts but its nothing malicious or nasty its just laziness and ignorance in our case

hope it really does help to get things straight, its terrible what some people put up with in the name of 'family'

Exactly, just because they are family we feel we have to tolerate crap, and we don't!! My mil is such a control freak, i'm sure if i decided to send what i've written that she'll go off the rails and not apeak to us again because i'm standing up to her..but tbh i wouldn't be bothered if i never set eyes on her again! Sorry you have trouble with fil, at least like you say it's nothing malicious but it still hurts doesn't it? x