To be concerned about my future?

[FreeSki]

We are a military family. DH has about 6 years left to complete his full service. Our eldest child will be going to secondary school in 1.5 years.

We are not homeowners and we DH’s job means moving regularly. I’m worried about the impact this would have on secondary education.

My earnings are really low, but I’m completing qualifications to help to boost that, but that might take a few years to come to fruition. Our children will struggle massively with us basing ourselves somewhere and DH working away. Especially our eldest, who is somewhat traumatised by long spells she spent separated from her dad in her younger years.

We have £30k in savings, to put towards a house. A portion of that is money we saved, and some is inheritance. The most likely place my husband could be employed next is the south of England. House prices there are completely unaffordable for us.

im getting very worried about providing my children with a good education, a happy childhood and not causing them any suffering like being separated from their dad more often than just deployments.

If my husband completes his full service, it gives him a really good pension. He also loves his job, but his main priority is the kids. We’re just at a crossroads and don’t know what to do next. Anyone have a crystal ball and can tell me what to do for the best?

My immediate thought would be to use the £30k as downpayment on a property in a sensible part of the country e.g. affordable and somewhere you wouldn’t mind visiting semi regularly. Rent it out so you don’t miss out on being on the property ladder and earn some more equity over the next 6 years. You work on your career prospects and decide a final destination to settle post your DH’s service. In 6 years time you move there, selling the rental house to fund if necessary. Or buy the rental house in the location you’d finally like to live. It will get you on the ladder a few years earlier as I’m guessing you will not have the option of a 30+ year mortgage once your husband finishes.

I don’t have DC so can’t comment but that’s what I’d do financially!

This is exactly what our friends have done in your situation OP. It's absolutely what I'd do.

thanks for the replies.

Another concern is that the money is in a lifetime ISA, so maybe we would lose the government bonus if we don’t buy the house to live in it? I’m not sure on that one.

Also still leaves the disrupted secondary education issue, with moves every 2-3 years. 🙈 Do you think it’s better to do this and stick together as a family?

Children with parents in military service are entitled to a pupil premium at school, which is extra money just for them and can go towards anything the school think will help their education. The curriculum is the same throughout the country so they should not miss anything by moving schools. The only impact really will be leaving friends behind but then they also get the opportunity to make new friends.

The thing is that family life is really important to all of you but your husband's job means that everyone is suffering. Is there any chance of him working in one place for the next six years?

@WallaceinAnderland - in my personal experience, Service Pupil Premium is rarely used to provide tangible support when needed. No pastoral support has ever been made available to my children despite deployments of 9 months +.

@OhComeOnFFS there is a chance it could happen. But we go where the military sends us, so it’s out of our control.

It wouldnt be ny choice but would your child enjoy or even manage homeschool/online learning?

Home schooling wouldn’t work for us as it would prevent me furthering my career, and I’m working hard to do that so that my income is secure when DH leaves his military career.

I feel like it’s just too complicated. I’ve tried to talk with friends and family but I can’t figure out a good route forward and it’s causing me so much stress and anxiety. I already suffer with anxiety but this added stress is really making things worse.

The curriculum is the same throughout the country so they should not miss anything by moving schools.
Not true. Try moving schools in February of year 11 and being expected to do a whole new set of GCSEs with totally different exam boards because the school didn't offer the right subjects/exam boards it was the only school you could get when applying outside normal intake dates.
Even in other year groups it's a problem because schools don't teach the same things in the same order and there's wiggle room within the topics.
As a teacher children who move around have all sorts of problems.
Also "it's just making new friends" is a stupid attitude. Your friends are your stability and your trusted human connections. You need them. So do kids.
OP the advice about buying elsewhere is a good idea. Also there are shared ownership schemes that prioritise serving forces members in the SE and also financial incentives on some newbuild estates for forces.

@SisterMichaelsHabit thank you for the info on moving schools. This was my fear. I will look into options for forces discounts when buying. I have already looked at shared ownership, but it’s no good for us sadly. You then have to rent the part you don’t own (if that makes sense), often causing the mortgage payment + rent to be higher than if you took a mortgage for the full amount. Makes sense if you can afford the payments but don’t have enough deposit I suppose.

i know you would like to be together as a family but you can’t keep moving schools in GCSE years.

I think you need to decide where you would like to live and move there when this deployment finishes. The children and yourself have stability, a consistent education and a home.

your husband who you have all been sacrificing yourselves for, for his career will have to be the one to do the travelling and being seperate from you for a while to enable a settled future.

It’s probably the opposite of what you want, but would hoarding school be an option, where they are with other military children?

Does the army still pay for boarding school? I went to one for secondary school due to living abroad and the boarding house was made up of mostly army/air force kids. It gave the stability of a familiar place, then the excitement of going home somewhere potentially interesting in the holidays. Yes, going to live away from my parents was difficult at first, but the trauma of moving schools all the time - along with the effects on education - could be a lot worse.

Not sure it would be a good idea for your husband to give up his job and lose the pension? Sounds very shortsighted. Any chance he could discuss with his superiors being based in one area so the children can do their exams?.

What do the kids think about moving around? Are there positives to it? Could you afford tutors to help them during exams if there had been a change of schools?

How old are you both and what is your earning potential likely to be in six years time when your husband leaves the forces? If he is 55 in six years time and you are a similar age I would buy property now so you’re hopefully building some equity before it’s too late.
Your kids need to know they will be in one place for GCSE schooling and A-levels too if they wish to take them. I remember one poor boy moved to our school between year ten and eleven only to find that he had to re-learn the entire history syllabus from year ten because while we were learning about WWII Germany he had been studying for a different exam board and had been learning about Russia. Even if it was an option I wouldn’t send my kids to boarding school.

This is the option to go for. Move in 1 yr and pick somewhere near the most likely place your DH could be.

I have teen children. You can’t keep moving them to remain together it is going to really impact their education and prospects.

I would buy a house close to good schools and my family/ friends in your position as close as you can afford. Your dh continues to be posted in the next few years, hoping he can come home often.

I feel you have to prioritise dc’s stable education at this point.

I think the best option is to stay together as a family and start planning now for boarding school at 13.

Something like this https://www.doyrms.com/admissions/fees#:~:text=Because%20we%20are%20a%20state,paid%20for%20by%20the%20state).

Like @GertrudeKerfuffle I’m wondering why you’re not considering boarding school for your secondary age children.

If you’re not familiar with boarding you may have an impression from the 1950s of children sent off in September and not seeing their families for months (or even years!). It’s nothing like that now - you would need to be prepared to be running back and forth to the school every week or two, but it would provide stability and ease (and a lot of fun) for the children. If you have friends or family with boarding children you’ll know more, obviously.

I only know about mainstream independent schools and bursaries, but Google offers this:

https://aff.org.uk/advice/education-childcare/boarding/

Quite frankly, had my parents been in your position I would have thought it odd if they didn’t think about this.

Why would you even consider a boarding school for a child that is already traumatised from separation? It makes no sense to me.

You can't keep moving for secondary. I would settle near family and friends, or if this isn't an option, buy somewhere central with good transport links.

Boarding school isn’t something we could consider for our eldest. She would not cope well with the separation and it wouldn’t be fair to put her through that.

Someone unthread asked how old we are. I’m 35 and DH is 36.

Do you move with him each time because you get military housing and is it cheaper than local rents?

I think you’ve got a couple of years of secondary and then you need to base yourself in one place. As PP said schools use different exam boards and you can’t change schools once in GCSE years so really I’d say you’ve got year 7&8 then you really need to base yourself somewhere and your DH joins you at weekends. That might be hard for your DC but not as damaging as a disrupted education that could impact them for life