I know that threads like this come up on here all the time but I just need some perspective, because my dp thinks I’m being unreasonable.
I have always struggled to make friends. I’ve always got on with people, have always been able to talk to them, but it never goes beyond that. I’m not talking about having a large group of friends who go out regularly or anything like that, just people I can catch up with occasionally, maybe for a coffee, maybe for a chat. But it doesn’t matter how many people I talk to, it just never happens.
So over the years I’ve got on with people in various settings, work/hobbies/through mutual acquaintances (usually my dp). But as soon as I ever suggest that we say, catch up for a coffee if we haven’t seen each other for a while they’ll either agree that we should, say that they’ll be in touch and I never hear from them again, or if I do follow up they’re still really busy so so will let me know, or will arrange something and then cancel at the last minute.
Or if we do get together with people, it’s a one off and I never see them again.
My eXH acknowledged that I didn’t have friends. Used to tell me that he couldn’t understand why people didn’t like me, and he pretty much conducted his social life without me, which was easy because he commuted so his friends were closer to work.
My DP has friends, people who he even says take an interest in me, but as soon as i physically enter into the equation everything changes.
It’s got to the point where I just don’t bother any more, because I know what the outcome will be.
So at the weekend my DP was invited over to the house of someone he knows through an event they attended together a couple of years ago. She invited us both over, but she doesn’t know me, so I wasn’t sure if I should go because I didn’t want to intrude. DP talked me into going, assured me that I would enjoy myself, said that I was overthinking things. So I went.
We had a good time. Got on with them, I played with the kids and they seemingly had a good time, and she even said that it was nice to have people over for once who seemingly don’t find it difficult to be around her kids.
Before we went she and dp had been having a text conversation, what time to get there, if we could bring anything etc etc. Then after we left he text to say thank you for the evening and that we’d had a lovely time and hopefully we’ll do it again. And nothing. No response, no acknowledgement, nothing.
And because of all my previous experiences I just know that it has to be me. But I don’t know what I’ve done. I don’t know why people seem to feel like this about me.
Thing is, I can accept not having friends. I’ve spent so long not having frends that I no longer have any expectations. But this has the potential to cause problems between me and my DP. he currently doesn’t live with me. he actually lives some distance from me, so he does go out with people fairly regularly. But we’re talking about moving in together. And I’m afraid of what that will do for his friendships. Because he says he doesn’t want to go out on his own, he wants us to have mutual friends as a couple. But I know that that’s just not going to happen.
he says that I’m over thinking. That people have busy lives, and in some instances that’s true. But when you have this many experiences you just have to accept that it’s you and not all the other people. And I don’t want to sabotage his friendships or make him feel that he can’t go out because of me.
Anyone else been here?