Kindly...

[MasterBeth]

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that starting your post with "Kindly," does not absolve you from being mean and cruel, and often suggests you are about to be?

("Kindly, you are a wretched human being with terrible ways and appalling instincts." etc)

I’ve never seen a post start with kindly and actually be kind, so YANBU.

I also hate these ‘gentle reminders’ we are getting at work these days. Vaguely passive aggressive. Just tell us to do it!

I loath 'with respect' - there is never any respect involved. It is just a way of saying something really rude. I don't really hear 'kindly' used, but it seems to be used in exactly the same way.

With respect - keep your kindly comments to yourself! (Not you OP, obviously).

Along with ‘no disrespect meant but…’ which is ALWAYS followed by someone being blooming rude.

Kindly OP, it does. Particularly if you want to suggest that the OP might have mental health issues, or gaslight them. E.g., "I'm worried about my DC for x y z reasons". Reply "Kindly, OP, I wish to patronise you as you are clearly a shit parent who worries too much and I'm much better than you" - that sort of thing.

My dentist does "gentle reminders", you get a text message. "Gentle text message". Anyway. Kindly, but we were talking about posts on MN. There's a special kind of kindly and gently for MNetters.

No offense but (insert something really offensive)

It's the same as writing 'polite notice' before an instruction. The very fact you have chosen to insist you are being polite, makes it rude.

I think it's probably getting worse because more and more posters take offence when none is offered and characterise disagreement as cruelty.

I used it this week to someone asking for advice. It's hard to get tone across in an emotional post so I was using it to say that I wasn't being mean or goady but was trying to explain something difficult without the nuance of voice or facial movements(?). And yes, the phrase therapy was used a lot by other posters. It was that sort of thread.

I agree that "kindly" is supposed to infer a tone of well-meaningness which might otherwise be construed as critical or bossy.
Though it often has the effect of sounding patronising instead. Sometimes I think the poster might as well have said "patronsingly" rather than "kindly".

I can guarantee that any request I receive that starts with "Kindly..." goes straight in the bin and/or I do the exact opposite of the request.

It’s like the ‘No Offence’ character from the Fast Show from years ago… “Your backside looks enormous in that skirt… no offence”

"Kindly" is the most passive aggressive thing you can write.

As a PP pointed out it never prefigures actual kindness. It's a disclaimer that you are about to be aggressive and dictatorial but with a veneer of icy politeness.

Very much in the same vein as people saying: "I'm not being funny but/I'm not being racist but"... and then going on to be unkind or racist.

What about ‘Polite Notice’?

For example:

Polite Notice - You’re all twats.

Not really polite, is it?

Kindly is awful, patronizing and PA

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

What about ‘Polite Notice’?

Polite notice in my experience is almost always followed by

"Give me money".

I’ve definitely used this and have gone on to be nothing but kind.

I agree “kindly” is not always used “kindly” but sometimes it is.

I have literally never seen the word "kindly" used in any context other than passive aggression. It's always meant to take the sting out of a demand for money, a fairly bossy instruction to do something or a telling off. It's lost any of its historical association with actual kindness.

You may be using it with kind intentions but I promise you it isn't coming across as such.

I absolutely respect this opinion but I guarantee my interactions on MN using “kindly” have been nothing other than kind.

I’d also put a fair bet on my coming across as actually kind rather than PA or as a total bitch in its use. It’s quite late so I won’t search my posts now but will take some time tomorrow to do so. The only thing I can think may refute this opinion is that I have likely used “gently” as well as “kindly” and likely used “gently” more often, maybe that changes the meaning of the post?

Oh... now I'm confused. I thought the OP was talking about it in relation to MN threads but now I see others are talking about it with regards to money.

Yes, I can see it as PA in work emails etc but it means something totally different in the Relationship and Divorce boards here.

In the same vein as "I'm not being funny but..." In other words, "I'm about to give something/someone an absolute pasting but I don't want to look like a twat"

"Kindly" I definitely see as passive aggressive. Again, in other words "I'm about to give you an absolute bollocking but I don't want to look like a twat"

"Gentle reminder" ; "I need to give you all a kick up the arse but I don't want to look like a twat"

It's 'reminder'. Or "just a reminder", or "quick reminder" if you think you might come off as abrupt. None of this gentle bollocks.

I quite like it used on here because it’s a clue that what I’m about to read is going to be 100% cunty, no dilution. So I can brace myself. Kindly, gently, [insert twattery here].

I saw your title and thought 'yeah right, bet there's not going to be anything kind about this!' - which i think proves your point.

Are the people you notice doing this people who learned English in the UK?

When a British person says "Kindly <something>", what it really means is "For goodness sake will you bloody well <something> or else"

In contrast, in Indian English, it seems to be added as a polite formality. When I moved to a team with a lot of Indian colleagues (both onshore and offshore) this grated at first before I realised it was just a language difference.

@dcsp I agree, I've experienced the same with my colleagues from Africa. It seems to be a formal way of communicating in written English and not intended to be patronising at all.

I like reading the different uses and styles of the English language.