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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TRIGGER- MC. Anyone up? Ectopic, surgery and feeling frantic about the future.

29 replies

Herefordeals · 29/10/2023 01:40

The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster. Discovered I was pregnant with a much wanted LO. Started bleeding and assumed MC (I've had a few). Bleeding stopped so went for HCG bloods which showed they were high. Next set showed a slight increase but not enough to be viable. Within 24 hours I was in theatre.

I've just woken from all the drugs and been told they had to remove the left tube but everything else looks healthy. I'm totally devastated. I haven't even managed to sit up yet but already thinking about our future.

Anyone able to offer some positivity? We won't be able to TTC for a couple of months apparently while I heal so need to find a way to fill this time with something I feel might be preparing me for that. Does that make sense? I'm thinking along the lines of a couple of months of good diet, lots of water, start doing some light exercise etc. Maybe start reading a bit more while I'm off work. Can anyone suggest any other little things that might give me focus while I recover? How long will I even need to recover? I don't remember the Dr saying but I'm in agony right now. Granted I'm only 4 hours post surgery.

It might be drugs I've had but I've woken up in absolute terror and feel so panicky at what the future holds and can't imagine leaving this hospital yet again without our own little bundle. I'm totally heartbroken. Mumsnet anyone around to hold my hand for a while?

OP posts:
MotherEarthisaTerf · 29/10/2023 01:44

I am so sorry this sounds so frightening. Late time for surgery to be awake in hospital at night to getting your head round it all.

and I’m so sorry about the pregnancy but I’m glad they’ve told you everything else looks well.

take it really easy for a bit. Your recovery time sounds well planned. And then you can just relax for Christmas- reassess in the new year.

unmumsnetty hug Flowers

hazandduck · 29/10/2023 01:45

I’m here, OP. I’m so sorry for your loss. I found planning a trip away (we went skiing over New Year) helped me take back a bit of control over that ‘what will the future hold for us,’ feeling. I also read loads I just deleted anyone who made me feel shit on social media (even unintentionally, posts about babies etc) and set a reading challenge and lost myself in other worlds. It’s so shit I am so deeply sorry for your loss and sending you a cuddle xx

Original poster
Herefordeals · 29/10/2023 01:47

Thanks both of you. I'm teary reading those messages. It's good to hear @hazandduck you've made it out the other side too. I feel absolutely petrified

OP posts:
JaneBostonBun · 29/10/2023 01:53

I had an ectopic pregnancy and found it very hard emotionally. Be gentle with yourself as you work through all the emotions as your hormones will take a while to settle.

I can offer you hope though, I fell pregnant again and gave birth to a healthy baby exactly 12 months later to the day

Original poster
Herefordeals · 29/10/2023 01:56

Thanks @JaneBostonBun did you lose a tube too? I feel so let down by my body but also just desperately want to try again. Thanks for the tips, will take that on board. How long til you felt better physically? I imagine emotionally it's a long longer.

OP posts:
hazandduck · 29/10/2023 01:57

You poor thing.

I am 7 years on from it now. My experience wasn’t the same as yours but I had a couple of traumatic hospital stays during that time of TTC. It’s awful and I really am so sorry you’re going through all this.

I did get fertility acupuncture which weirdly made me cry so much each session but also was like releasing this huge pressure and I always walked out lighter afterwards, almost giddy. And my work kindly funded therapy for me, it really does help talking to someone who isn’t involved in your life if you are able to afford/access it somehow.

Bugdem123 · 29/10/2023 02:02

I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't had an ectopic but I had a MMC last month so I can relate to the loss of a very much wanted wee baby.

Your idea of focusing on your health and reading etc is a good one. That's what I did as I was physically recovering. I've been doing a paint by numbers and I've found that really good to distract myself.

Most of all I just want to say I'm so sorry and wish I could give you a big cuddle. Losing my baby has been the sorest thing I've ever went through and I wish you didn't have to go through it too.

221BBakerSt · 29/10/2023 02:09

I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. I had a ruptured ectopic that needed 8 hours of surgery followed by a long stay in ICU. Left side destroyed. My recovery was long, please be very gentle on yourself. My son was born 1.5 years later and I’ve been blessed with three more children following him.

Original poster
Herefordeals · 29/10/2023 02:24

I'm so sorry @Bugdem123 that you're also going through your own trauma and for the loss of your little one. How are you coping? I also experienced a MMC in 2020 where nothing was picked up until the 12 week scan so I sympathise with how you feel. Your paint by numbers is a very good idea to help keep the mind busy, that's the kind of thing I was asking for. I'm going to order some now from Amazon so they're there when I get home!
Sending you a hug back, I'm so sorry to hear you're part of this awful club too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herefordeals · 29/10/2023 02:28

@221BBakerSt I'm so sorry you had to go through that, that sounds absolutely terrifying. Thank you for sharing, this is the kind of positive success story I really need to hear tonight. I think the dip in hormones and pain and exhaustion are making my mind go all funny and I can't seem to think straight. I just feel hopeless but this really helped.

OP posts:
spacecadette · 29/10/2023 02:47

First up, I'm so so sorry that you're going through this.
I've been in your exact shoes and it was the saddest time of my life.
My surgeon told me that the loss of a tube reduces your chances of conceiving by just 10%.
I had a naturally conceived, perfectly healthy baby boy 3.5 years after my ectopic.
You will recover... I promise it will be ok xx

spacecadette · 29/10/2023 02:49

Also I'm here for you if you need to talk or have any questions, no matter how small!

Original poster
Herefordeals · 29/10/2023 02:51

Thanks @spacecadette this helps. Did you try for 3.5 years? I'm mid 30's and worrying about my clock too so hoped it might happen a bit quicker. Glad however that you did succeed naturally, you're all giving me that wee bit hope I need tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herefordeals · 29/10/2023 02:52

How long until you felt physically ok @spacecadette ? Did you need time off work? My doctor was a bit vague about that part.

OP posts:
PlaneMum19 · 29/10/2023 03:12

Hi OP,
I felt Exactly the same after my ectopic.
please take time to recover, I had surgery and rush back to work (I had 2 weeks off work) and into to much and I know realise it wasn’t the best thing, maybe not physically but more mentally.
i agree with another poster about planning a trip/some time with just you and your partner, we went on holiday about 5 weeks later and it really helped having some time together with no worries just the 2 of us.
we waited the recommended 3 months and on the 2nd month of try I fell pregnant with DS1. Less then a year later I fell pregnant with DS2 (the reason I’m currently awake at 3am)
I wish you all the best.
& also peppermint tea for the trapped wind and rest x

DeeCeeCherry · 29/10/2023 03:27

So sorry OP. My Sis had an ectopic pregnancy, then 1 tube removed. She got pregnant 2 years later and had a healthy baby boy. She has PCOS so always had fertility issues anyway and felt the chance of conceiving was very low. It goes to show you never can tell. Hope you feel much better soon

Dextybooboo · 29/10/2023 03:43

So sorry for your loss. I hope you have a speedy physical recovery and glad everything else is looking well.

Not the same situation but I had three losses, a life threatening first trimester mmc which just went disastrously wrong. A stillborn son after a horrendously difficult pregnancy and a second trimester mmc. I began to think it wouldn't happen for me.

We decided we would have one more try after a year out. I spent that year having counselling and doing lots of research. I looked into what vitamins were good for egg quality and supporting pregnancy. I researched progesterone and baby aspirin and I looked into things like womb scratches and loosely ivf, adoption and fostering. I wanted to know all of my options.

I started all the vitamins, conceived, started progesterone and baby aspirin and even though the pregnancy, delivery and recovery were horrendous by beautiful perfect dd is asleep next door!

Dont give up hope. Modern medicine is amazing. Give your mind and body chance to heal.

Noleafclover1 · 29/10/2023 05:00

Hugs OP. Definitely take a couple of weeks off if you can, spend time doing things that make you happy and try not to let your head disappear into what ifs too much (easier said than done!).

I had an ectopic in my late 30s and lost a tube. Conceived DS2 3 months later (first month of trying).

The human body is amazing - when I had the 6 week ultrasound to make sure it wasn't another ectopic, they could see that I had last ovulated from the side without a tube - ie. my remaining tube had picked up the egg from the ovary on the other side! That's why fertility is better than 50% after loss of 1 tube - your body finds a way.

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Suds84 · 29/10/2023 05:21

Yes, you only need one fallopian tube, it can move and pick up egg from either ovary. Only learned this when I had a c section and surgeon said I only had one fallopian tube- must have been born this way. So if you only have the tube removed then that ovary can still work. Our bodies are amazing. I only started trying in my late 30’s and welcomed our son just before my 39th birthday. Take care of yourself in the coming weeks and let your body and mind heal itself. xx

thelonemommabear · 29/10/2023 05:54

I'm so sorry for your loss

Recovery wise mine ruptured on the Tuesday and I went back to work the following Monday - more for my own mental health than anything as I dont well being at home dwelling on things

Fertility wise I know lots of women who conceived with only one tube. For me it was more complicated and I did go on to lose my other tube a year later from another ectopic but thankfully later had success via IVF x

JaneBostonBun · 29/10/2023 06:00

Suds84 · 29/10/2023 05:21

Yes, you only need one fallopian tube, it can move and pick up egg from either ovary. Only learned this when I had a c section and surgeon said I only had one fallopian tube- must have been born this way. So if you only have the tube removed then that ovary can still work. Our bodies are amazing. I only started trying in my late 30’s and welcomed our son just before my 39th birthday. Take care of yourself in the coming weeks and let your body and mind heal itself. xx

@Herefordeals my obstetrician also told me that one fallopian tube can pick up an egg from the other side. My ectopic pregnancy was on the opposite side to the ovary that ovulated (they can tell by the corpus luteum)

DarkForces · 29/10/2023 06:02

My journey was very similar to yours and had a baby with just one tube.
The ectopic triggered an operation to look for endo and remove it. I had a successful pregnancy 4 months after this procedure so where you are now was the darkest time but it set me on a path to dd.
There is still a lot to hope for. I found drawing my sadness and anger helped. My dh found a lot of dark pictures in the bin! I hope you find something to help you too

Rtc12 · 29/10/2023 06:12

I'm so sorry for your loss, sending big hugs.

I had an ectopic pregnancy and left tube removed in Nov 2016. I fell pregnant naturally in April 2017 and have a 2 year old also. I think your chances to conceive naturally are only slightly reduced as the right tube will sweep over to get the egg which the left ovary releases, so you can still get pregnant on each cycle.

I think I took a month off work afterwards to recover physically, so you will definitely need some time off. Definitely give your body time to rest and recover before starting exercise, but speak to the doctor about it before you're discharged if you can.

221BBakerSt · 29/10/2023 11:29

How are you today @Herefordeals ? You’ll be on a physical and emotional rollercoaster. I really recommend the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust for support.

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 29/10/2023 11:55

I had an ectopic a month before I was scheduled in for investigative surgery for suspected endo. I only tested because of bleeding and pain so I had a feeling it wasn't going to end well and sure enough had it confirmed only 2 days after getting a positive test. Caught very early so I had a methotrexate injection and not surgery.

The investigative surgery got delayed for 2 months, but when it happened they found endo and removed it there and then. I was pregnant 3 months later, DD is now 5.

My friend also had an ectopic but the surgery as caught late. She also managed to get pregnant too so there is hope Flowers