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Original poster

No cash gift this Christmas?

37 replies

Arbutusflower · 29/10/2023 01:11

A few years ago we we feeling flush, were able to give adult children some chunky cash gifts for Christmas ( four figures) as well as wrapped presents over the next few years. Fast forward and I've retired, but invested inheritance is in a big dip rn and I'm using all the income to tide us over for some big house expenses. Foolishly perhaps we hinted back then to dc that the cash gifts could now be pretty regular after getting the inheritance. Didn't reckon on COL issues and house stuff (total replacement all windows e.g.).
Would it be totally mean to apologise and say sorry lads bit tight this year or should we just dip into capital and keep up the chunky subsidies? Both are in employment no kids.

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 29/10/2023 01:24

Of course not. I'd actually be quite embarrassed at getting big money gifts from my parents every Christmas as a fully grown employed adult while I gave them "normal" gifts. Hopefully they won't be bratty about it and appreciate what they've had so far. It would be really silly to give away money when you can't really afford to.

Original poster
Arbutusflower · 29/10/2023 01:27

I just know it's much harder for their generation and technically we have the money so seems mean and society would see us as selfish boomers probably 😕

OP posts:
Peoplemakemedespair · 29/10/2023 01:30

Omg op. You’re so unreasonable for not giving all of your children thousands of pounds in cash on top of presents this Xmas. You’ll just have to fall a little short this year. Whatever will you do?

Original poster
Arbutusflower · 29/10/2023 01:32

There's no need to be snotty @Peoplemakemedespair . You could just scroll on by.

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 29/10/2023 01:34

Why would you refer to yourselves as 'selfish boomers'? It sounds as if you are thoughtful and generous parents. Your children will be more than aware of the COL. Just let them know in advance, if only to manage expectations on the day. Wrapped presents will be more than enough.

Original poster
Arbutusflower · 29/10/2023 01:37

Because that's the narrative here, on sm, the Graun, everywhere. We don't think we are but that doesn't stop the feeling of being in the camp of wrong as it were.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arbutusflower · 29/10/2023 01:38

Almost as if the only way we can justify being able to be retired when that generation never will is by bankrolling them

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 29/10/2023 01:42

If you feel that bad give it to them then. It's your money to spend as you see fit. I think you are making a rod for your own back personally but that's for you to decide. Nobody will give a shit about you being a "selfish boomer" (why would you be that because you don't gift your kids thousands each Christmas?!) and why would that be anyone else's business anyway. You realise the vast majority of parents don't give such huge gifts? Your not talking about giving them a lump of coal and a satsuma in a stocking, you are talking about JUST buying them normal presents. As I said previously, I'd find it embarrassing if my parents gave me such extravagant cash presents while I handed over normal things but maybe that's just me.

EvilElsa · 29/10/2023 01:43

Why do you think they won't retire?! You've said they both work.

Ponderingwindow · 29/10/2023 01:45

My parent has at times given me large cash gifts at Christmas. I know he is scaling back this year because of inflation and I am perfectly happy with that. The absolute best gift he can gift me is staying solvent and never needing to come to me for money.

RoseMartha · 29/10/2023 01:47

Tell them you have had some unexpected expenses this year and wont be giving them the cash.

Original poster
Arbutusflower · 29/10/2023 01:17

@EvilElsa

You hear it all the time, the younger generations will not be able to afford to retire because they'll have huge mortgages and rubbish pensions.

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 29/10/2023 08:10

In that case wouldn't you be better putting some money away for them every year for a lump sum at some point in the future when they need it rather than a few thousand every year that they probably spend on clothes or going out? If you are wealthy will you not provide for them in your will? My mum retired after receiving her inheritance.

IncompleteSenten · 29/10/2023 08:14

I guess you need to ask yourself how well you raised your children.
Did you raise them to be decent people or entitled, selfish ones?

You seem like a loving and caring person so I suspect the former so don't feel bad. Give what you can and if you raised decent people, they'll be grateful.

Chasingsquirrels · 29/10/2023 08:18

My parents give me £5k every year, if they didn't want to one (or every) year that's up to them.
If they felt squeezed by doing so I'd be horrified if they felt they still had to.

handyandie · 29/10/2023 08:21

@Arbutusflower will your children be getting your inheritance? It's quite normal for adults to struggle through the early part of life, you don't need to bank roll them.

LuckOfTheDrawer · 29/10/2023 08:22

Arbutusflower · 29/10/2023 01:17

@EvilElsa

You hear it all the time, the younger generations will not be able to afford to retire because they'll have huge mortgages and rubbish pensions.

I believe that's just hyperbole, and it's not a particularly useful thing to believe anyway - no one would bother saving anything for retirement if that was the case.

I hope your DCs are planning for their retirement now.

LuckOfTheDrawer · 29/10/2023 08:23

And yes, just tell your DCs that your circumstances have changed.

DappledThings · 29/10/2023 08:24

You don't need to. And if they don't understand that that's on them.

My parents give my brother and I £3k each year as the maximum IHT relief. Every year we are really grateful and say so. If there was ever a year they decided not to I wouldn't think anything other than wanting to know they were oknand hadn't been overly dipping into their savings so far. Mum hinted once she was going to get cheaper bathroom tiles for their new bathroom so as to protect the amount coming to us and I was very clear I did not want to be part of the consideration that way and she should get the expensive ones.

KateyCuckoo · 29/10/2023 08:24

Wow the stealth boasts are getting stealthier Grin

Heyhoherewegoagain · 29/10/2023 08:26

You just need to have a conversation with them very soon to manage their expectations…although not quite thousands at Christmas we’ve done the same with our adult kids and we’re saying just yesterday that we just can’t do it this year for pretty much the same reasons as you

Lagershandy · 29/10/2023 08:32

Not in the four figure league, but I have always given a cash gift to along time friends two sons for birthdays and Christmas. It seems totally daft now they are both working, so I am going to tell my friend due to us retiring and col I will no longer be doing this.
It will be a relief for her as she doesn't have to rack her brains and dash around having to reciprocate gifts for us.

MintJulia · 29/10/2023 08:35

Start by cutting out the 'selfish boomer' nonsense.

Your retirement income is for you first. Your children are grownups and can stand on their own two feet.

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 08:35

No just tell them it’s a skip for this year but hopefully it will be back when the economy bobs up (as long as your health holds up, haha)

You need to stick caveats in there because knee ops etc are expensive

Neriah · 29/10/2023 11:05

I find it interesting that us "boomers" are considered selfish by some, and it's supposed to be our fault that young people today can't afford retirement or mortgages, so we are supposed to leave them chunky inheritances as gratitude for them being born.

I was born in poverty in 1957. My parents had no indoor bathroom or toilet, no central heating, no double glazing. We had very little, and had to make do with what we had. At that time you couldn't even get proper bank accounts (that what the Post Office or building societies were for), no credit cards, and no mortgages. It was deregulation of the banking interest that made those things available to most of the working class - under Margaret Thatcher.

Yes, we got grants (and I have never supported student loans) but we still had to work to get to and through university. There were fewer employment rights (and many more ways around them), no free nursery care at all, no real maternity leave (and certainly pretty much no pay), no paternity leave, no adoption leave, no flexible working, no equal pay.... etc etc.

You know how you got those things? We bloody fought for them. They were not free gifts from a generous government who cared deeply - we fought for those rights that the younger generations have. I don't expect any gratitude for that - it was the right thing to do. It would be kind of nice if some of the younger generations stopped whining about what they don't have or how unfair it is that they don't have more rights, and did some organising and fighting for themselves - but if the legacy they want to leave their children and grandchildren is spinelessly trekking towards labouring until you die, that's up to them.

If there was a "boom" it was on our backs that things boomed, and just like today, it is the rich and powerful who made the really substantial gains. Nobody owed us a living, and we knew that. Nobody is ever owed a living, then or now.

OP, if your kids are of the belief that you owe them anything and are that entitled, then you've led them to a sad place when all they see their parents as is cash cows. If they are decent human beings then they will be more than capable of understanding that you need your money and cannot impoverish yourselves or put your future at risk so that they can have big cash gifts. If they aren't decent human beings then perhaps the dogs home would be a more worthy recipient of your largesse?

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