No cash gift this Christmas?

[Arbutusflower]

A few years ago we we feeling flush, were able to give adult children some chunky cash gifts for Christmas ( four figures) as well as wrapped presents over the next few years. Fast forward and I've retired, but invested inheritance is in a big dip rn and I'm using all the income to tide us over for some big house expenses. Foolishly perhaps we hinted back then to dc that the cash gifts could now be pretty regular after getting the inheritance. Didn't reckon on COL issues and house stuff (total replacement all windows e.g.).
Would it be totally mean to apologise and say sorry lads bit tight this year or should we just dip into capital and keep up the chunky subsidies? Both are in employment no kids.

I think it would go down a bit better if you decided instead to make a charity donation. The amount of which is private.

You’re a show off

Just explain to your kids that your financial situation has changed and so you’re not in a position to give cash gifts this year, if a precedent has been set. I’m sure they will understand.

I have boomer parents who have done well financially, and I’d hate them to feel obliged to bankroll our generation, having said that they do recognise that as well as having worked incredibly hard all their lives, they also did benefit from economic circumstances at the time. And that my siblings and I, despite also working hard, have less fortunate in the background economic environment we have had as adults so far (and it looks unlikely to change anytime soon!).

My parents did give me an early inheritance as a house deposit to help me get on the housing ladder after I split up from my abusive ex husband and became a single mother. I’m very grateful to them for that. I also know that if I ever was in desperate need of money, my parents would give me it. They are kind, generous and loving parents and I can only repay them in love at the minute! But I didn’t and don’t expect them to hand money out just because they have it, and definitely wouldn’t want them feeling under financial pressure as a result of doing it.

I’d never regard my parents as selfish boomers! Let society think what it wants. It would be different if your children and grandchildren were utterly destitute to the point of not being able to eat or have the heating on etc. if you’re able to help I think but I don’t know any boomer who hasn’t helped out their kids financially if they’re able to when they’ve really needed it.

Of course you aren't obliged to give them cash gifts and should feel no obligation to do so. Given that you had created an expectation that the gifts would continue, I think it would be fair of you, though, to be upfront with them about your intentions sooner rather than later for their own financial planning as it's always helpful to know about changing in income in advance.

If your kids are the sort to kick up a fuss over this they don't deserve it and I'd be reassessing my relationship with them if I were you.

I used to spend a heck of a lot on mine, even when adults but now i dont. I spend on grandkids £150 each. Adult DD £100. shes reasonable and said thats too much but she gets off no one else. I spent thousands too but savings dwindle and if youve done a gd job raising your adult kids, theyll understand.

Tell them early. Say: We are really sorry but this year we won't be able to give you cash on top of presents. House repairs and CoL rise means that for now, we don't have anything like as much spare cash as we had before. We want to give to you when we can and I hope we'll be able to in the future, but this year, we can't.

As long as they are not anticipating it, it's fine.

That's the narrative online but I would never think of my parents that way and honestly don't know anyone in real life who does.

No obligation to give cash gifts, cost of living impacts everyone. I suppose you could just explain you have extra unexpected expenses if as you say you hinted these could be regular gifts but really you don't have to apologise.

You have no manners.

Let me be clear, they aren't at all grabby. This is my hesitation. But thanks to all the posters whose immediate response was to think the worst of us and our children. Really empathetic and encouraging...

Ignore social media. I tend to find that millennials/gen z say this sort of stuff when boomers say they should stop spending money on Netflix so they can buy a house. But not giving thousands of pounds in cash at Christmas is nothing to worry about and if you're children do complain...well, they aren't very nice! But I'm sure they won't based on the things you've said here.