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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to deal with her without telling her to F**k o**

36 replies

annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:14

I’m an overeater always have been and probably always will. It’s been half term this week so I’ve spent most of the week eating non-stop. The ONLY time I don’t think about food is when I’m at work. I only started back to work recently after taking 5 years off to look after the kids. Problem is that in this new job I have this well meaning but really annoying woman who constantly asks me if I’ve eaten and if I say not yet she goes on and on till I’ve eaten. I’ve told her politely to not worry about my weight and I’m not likely to have missed any meals considering my size 18 frame!

The first month was okay but I seriously dreading going back as I might tell her to just go and f* o**. Like why does she bloody care? It’s constantly every break time and lunch time it’s the same question. I’ve told her her asking me makes me more hungry as I don’t think about food at work as I’m busy but she laughs and tells me I must eat. I really cannot stand her, I actually get why people get annoyed by “nice” people (if that’s what she thinks she’s being). I really hate this woman, I’ve never felt so strongly about someone I barely know. She zaps my energy everyday talking about her problems. I hate her! She makes me so confused at lightheaded with her constant natter. Im dreading next week

OP posts:
JustTalkToThem · 28/10/2023 21:16

Wasn’t this post a few days ago?

wait … it’s half term - now I get it.

BIWI · 28/10/2023 21:17

Fuck off.

You can post it in full. No need for asterisks.

Sortyourlifeout · 28/10/2023 21:17

JustTalkToThem · 28/10/2023 21:16

Wasn’t this post a few days ago?

wait … it’s half term - now I get it.

Yeah, I knew I'd seen this somewhere before 😂

Original poster
annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:18

I know! I’m starting up getting annoyed about her again! When I talk to people in real life I get told oh she’s being nice! I have to vent

OP posts:
BIWI · 28/10/2023 21:20

I think that you seriously need to consider some counselling about your eating.

You have three threads on MN and they all talk about your eating being out of control.

OhComeOnFFS · 28/10/2023 21:20

This would drive me nuts.

I think I'd put it in writing so that I didn't have to face her and I'd say something like, "Friend, you ask me every single day what I'm going to eat. I make it clear to you I don't want to discuss my meals with you yet you continue to ask me, day after day. I'm happy to talk to you about anything else but please leave me to decide what I'm going to eat and when."

AutumnFroglets · 28/10/2023 21:21

Turn it round. Maybe think about asking questions back instead of answering.

Woman: Have you eaten yet?

You: Not yet, have you?
You: No, did you forget to bring yours?
You: I've had a snack but I'm eating properly later.
You: I'm too full still from breakfast.
You: Yes. Birthday cake. Lots of it. Sorry it's all gone.

Or just say yes and walk away. She might get the hint this time next year.

HomiesAlone · 28/10/2023 21:23

Can you try looking very busy when she talks to you and giving her very curt replies?!

HomiesAlone · 28/10/2023 21:24

@BIWI Patronising, unhelpful and presumptuous.

Original poster
annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:24

@HomiesAlone @OhComeOnFFS @AutumnFroglets

thank you!

OP posts:
Pollynots · 28/10/2023 21:25

Have you considered something like Overeaters Anonymous or asking your doctor for a referral to an eating disorders clinic for an asessment. I'm someone who struggled with BED for most of my life and found OA really helpful.

Original poster
annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:27

@Pollynots i have but to be honest I know my overeating comes from boredom. That’s why work is important to me right now as I know going back I’ll cut down.

OP posts:
BananaHamster · 28/10/2023 21:27

Take some Nutella and a spoon in your handbag, when she asks get it out and start eating "happy now Sharon?"

Original poster
annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:27

@BananaHamster 😂

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 28/10/2023 21:27

Just say yes. Every single time.

Original poster
annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:28

Thanks guys u know in the scheme of things it’s not a big issue but I know if I don’t vent on here I will go crazy on Monday. I’m sick of people telling me she’s just being nice.

OP posts:
TotalOverhaul · 28/10/2023 21:29

So lie. Say, 'Yes, I have. Thanks for checking.' Every time.

Like you I hate eating at work and had a colleague who was convinced I had anorexia. Let's just say, I was very much the wrong physique for that!

bossybloss · 28/10/2023 21:29

HomiesAlone · 28/10/2023 21:24

@BIWI Patronising, unhelpful and presumptuous.

Edited

I agree very patronising.

bossybloss · 28/10/2023 21:30

As others have said, tell her you had a massive cooked breakfast and are going out for lunch.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 28/10/2023 21:31

Is this person some sort of feeder OP?

Tell her 'Stop pestering me about eating, it's not up for discussion and I don't want to hear any more about it'

When she asks again, ignore her, don't respond, don't engage. You don't owe her conversation or excuses. You're not being rude, you're setting boundaries and letting her know they are to be respected.

crumblylancs · 28/10/2023 21:32

annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:28

Thanks guys u know in the scheme of things it’s not a big issue but I know if I don’t vent on here I will go crazy on Monday. I’m sick of people telling me she’s just being nice.

She can still be annoying as fuck even if she is being nice!

Are you sat at desks? I would just reply a short answer without looking away from your computer much, very non committal and if she carries on trying to chat just do the whole mmhm, nodding head whilst still looking at your computer- she should soon get the hint

Original poster
annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:33

@Cosmosforbreakfast my sister joked about that! She told me there’s people that love seeing others eat and it’s some type of fetish lol! Gosh I hope not

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 28/10/2023 21:36

Properly tell her to stop asking, it’s none of her business whether you’ve eaten or not. This would drive me nuts. Why is she so in your face? If she starts banging on about her problems, ask her to stop, it’s distracting you. Can you wear headphones?

Pollynots · 28/10/2023 21:37

annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:27

@Pollynots i have but to be honest I know my overeating comes from boredom. That’s why work is important to me right now as I know going back I’ll cut down.

I'm guessing the solution is to work on the boredom as much as you can. Do something that gives you a dopamine hit instead of food. One of my coping strategies is doing something to distract myself when I'm feeling cravings or urges. I make it a goal to have something to do every day which helps give me a boost without needing to use food.

Original poster
annoyed663 · 28/10/2023 21:40

Thank you so much everyone. Your comments are making me feel so much better about going back to work Monday.

@Pollynots thats really good advice thank you. I know my issues with food started in childhood as I used to steal food from the kitchen as my mum wouldn’t let us eat! Whole long thread there lol! Which I won’t write about as it’s just to long but that’s why her asking me constantly just does my head in as she makes me think of food. Growing up not knowing when I was eating next food would be on my mind constantly.

OP posts: