How to stop feeling down about not having children yet

[Nooooom]

Every time I see people on social media or in real life with children, especially babies and toddlers, I've been feeling sad, almost envious lately. I really want one but my partner isn't ready and I don't know when he will be.
Of course, I know it'll be very hard work. I'm sure those parents envy things that childfree people have, like undisturbed sleep. Or maybe they don't!
It's crazy because I was on the fence for years, but now it's all I can think about. It's hormones I suppose.. I just want to get this out of my mind and start feeling happy again. Has anyone else been through this?

Ditch him.

GET OUT NOW!

Don't be me. I wasted 7 years of my fertile years with a man who was not keen or ready to be a father to my children.
I'm now close to 40, wading through sperm banks as I'm running out of time. I've decided I'll do it on my own. No time to find someone new.

I allowed someone rob me of my most productive years when I could have found someone else who was certain he wanted to create a family with me from the beginning of the relationship.

The Ex dumped me and moved on to younger ladies who I suspect aren't feeling maternal yet or aren't particular about settling down.
Get out now. You still have a year or two to meet someone compatible on that front and build with. Don't be me.

Uncertainties such as finances, emotional readiness, housing, minor relationship issues etc are sometimes excuses.

Every time I addressed the ex's concerns (bought a house, got a better job, improved my outlook on life, improved sex life, got a higher degree etc), he came up with new concerns.

When they show you who they are they first time, believe them!

All the best.

I am 53 and childless and it is something I successfully reconciled myself too. But I am not going to go into that because you are only 33 and you do not need to reconcile yourself to it.

But what you do need to do, is end your current relationship and find somebody else that wants the same as you. If somebody doesn’t know what they want after a couple of years with you, then they probably never will and whilst you still have time, you don’t have years to waste.

You need to have a frank and open conversation about how you feel. What would your timelines be, putting the emotions aside? Have you thought about the financial implications and how having a child would impact?

If the argument he is putting forward to delay having kids is related to finances then you need to understand the issues and be proactive about a solution. If you do this and he still won’t agree then he’s just stringing you along.

@MeinKraft and @GreenClock I think it's very different depending on where you live - I'm in an expensive city in the South East.

When my two started school I was surprised to find that the majority of other mums there were a similar age to me. Everyone I got to know said they waited for financial reasons. We were all slim, fit and working.

You need a serious conversation with him.
Don't waste time with someone who doesn't want dc if you do.

Oh well there you go then OP, move to a very expensive town in the South and your eggs will be magically preserved by your bank balance.

Don't waste your fertile years on someone who is on the fence. You still have time to meet another man and build a life ready for a new baby. Oooor... you could do what my friend did and go down the donor route at 33 then meet the man your dreams a week later 🙈 They're happily engaged 2 years later but it really felt like Sod's Law after 5 years of being single.

@MeinKraft I just suspect that maybe the OP lives in a similar area and for that reason her partner wants to wait.

They cant just suddenly move to an inexpensive area in the North to start having babies.

I think it’s your inner voice warning you OP that your partner might be stringing you along. Act on it.

How long have you been together? You don't have time to waste, so time for some frank conversations about what he wants and you may need to end it.

It sounds like it's time to look for someone else. You don't want to be 37 when he decides to admit that marriage and children are not for him.

@FaintlyInglorious had you met your partner/husband already though at 33? That’s the OPs other problem, her current partner isn’t on board with having children and we don’t know if he genuinely wants to wait or if he’s going to string her along then decide she’s not the one, whilst she’s wasted all her fertile years and has to start again aged 35+. Much less of a gamble to wait if you know your partner/husband wants the same things, than to risk having to start over in your late thirties, in a decreasing pool of available men, with the added pressure of your biological clock ticking away!

@Darknight5 I'd been with my partner two years by then. I wanted to ttc at 37 and a friend advised me to just come off contraception and not tell him as it would take me so long! It took 18 months (I conceived right after a long trip round the US).

I then conceived my second almost after the first time we tried again, at age 42. I realise this is not typical though!

Or maybe craving a baby is a perfectly normal thing to want.

Clarify in absolute terms that your partner actually wants to have children and if they don’t and you do, you need to end that relationship. It’s fine to not want children but you’re on a clock that he isn’t and it’s not fair on you.

Weirdly specific, and incorrect! I had a very complicated birth at 32. At 33 you don't have a lot of time to hang about, if your partner isn't on the same page its time to make some hard decisions.

Had you told him you were trying to conceive by the time you got pregnant?