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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To break up with partner for not supporting me?

64 replies

stickytoffee8 · 28/10/2023 19:40

Me and my partner have been together for several years.

I am half Indian and half Caucasian and he is Caucasian.

On a few occasions now his parents have make racist remarks in my presence.

They have repeated comments made by other people and finding it funny.

Both of them have said the P word which I find very offensive.
They have said in casual conversation such as "When the P's first come over to the UK they would eat dog food".

My partner claims his parents aren't racist and refuses to discuss this any further with me.

I am really considering leaving him as he just refuses to see my point of view or even talk about it.

I have told him I don't want anything more to do with his parents.

OP posts:

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 29/10/2023 09:56

Definitely split up with him. His parents sound vile but so does he.

Original poster

stickytoffee8 · 29/10/2023 11:07

I have spoken to him again about it this morning as he still dosent see how racist and offensive his parents comment are.

Apparently because in the past they have invited me to Sunday dinner and brought me chocolates for my birthday they are not racist.

I have told him i am not being treated like this or have to tolerate his or his parents behaviour and he still does not get it or see what the problem is

His words are "I genuinely don't see what the issue is".

I do think it is best we separate.

I have lived here years and have no family around as they live in another city and I feel quite grinded down by the three of them.

OP posts:

YankeeDad · 29/10/2023 11:16

You know what you have to do. Best wishes in finding the courage to do it, preferably soon. Life is too short to put up with that sort of horseshit.

pikkumyy77 · 29/10/2023 11:22

I’m so sorry, OP. This has been a horrible experience for you and you have been ground down by it. I know its going to be hard, short term, but long term this is going to be wonderful. Being with your soon to be ex partner has made your life smaller, and nastier. Leaving him opens up a world of possibilities.

BlueEyedPeanut · 29/10/2023 11:22

Racism is more than what someone says or does - it is also about how they feel and what they believe. Your partner can't see a problem with what his parents say because he is actually a racist too.

You deserve better than that.

ManxRhyme · 29/10/2023 14:18

Good luck OP. You deserve much much better. You've put up with it for years, don't waste any more of your precious life on him and his family.

HomiesAlone · 30/10/2023 15:00

Sorry OP.

DeeCeeCherry · 30/10/2023 15:09

Raise your self-esteem, you've married into an ignoramus family and you need to leave.

Motnight · 30/10/2023 15:11

Good luck Op. You are making the right decision.

Original poster

stickytoffee8 · 30/10/2023 15:57

Thanks for the lovely replies.

Over the weekend my partner had a chat with his parents and they still don't understand and are completely oblivious.
They genuinely don't feel as if they have done anything wrong and still no apology.

My partner is still saying "he genuinely does not see the issue and has again said "they are not racist".

It's like banging my head against a brick wall.
Now FIL has gone into hospital today for surgery and I am expected to buy him chocolates and a get well card.

I have told my partner I am going to start looking somewhere else to live, I really have had enough.

OP posts:

SinnerBoy · 30/10/2023 22:01

Well, good for you; as they say, there are none so blind as they who cannot see.

billy1966 · 30/10/2023 22:14

You poor woman.

Your partner and family are awful people.

Stop wasting your energy trying to explain decency to them.

Focus on moving and getting away from them.

Forget your partners father, not your concern.

Don't waste any further time with such vile people.

pikkumyy77 · 31/10/2023 11:16

I really think you are doing the right thing, OP. You should not have to accept these people into your life. Isn’t life hard enough without being forced to give aid and comfort to people who treat you like this? I hope you find a new life full of love and support. They don’t deserve you.

Eleganz · 31/10/2023 11:24

His parents sound like quite a few folk round where I grew up. Would say really offensive things stereotyping southeast asians, gypsies, Irish, you name it and then be mortally offended if you accused them of racism or discrimination. In many white dominated areas of Britain people are allowed to be horribly racist but God forbid you call them out on it. No doubt they think they aren't racist because they haven't actively driven you out of town with torches and pitchforks.

They are a dead loss OP, just move on.

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