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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up with partner for not supporting me?

64 replies

stickytoffee8 · 28/10/2023 19:40

Me and my partner have been together for several years.

I am half Indian and half Caucasian and he is Caucasian.

On a few occasions now his parents have make racist remarks in my presence.

They have repeated comments made by other people and finding it funny.

Both of them have said the P word which I find very offensive.
They have said in casual conversation such as "When the P's first come over to the UK they would eat dog food".

My partner claims his parents aren't racist and refuses to discuss this any further with me.

I am really considering leaving him as he just refuses to see my point of view or even talk about it.

I have told him I don't want anything more to do with his parents.

OP posts:
Noicant · 28/10/2023 21:39

Oh god yeah dump him, that’s disgusting. We have white members of my family, no-one would ever even think like this let alone say anything so awful to them.

Boomboom22 · 28/10/2023 21:43

If you want to have kids dump him, or their grandparents would be racists. Also odd he doesn't call them out, most people would say mum ffs you can't say that, explain why and ask their parent to apologise. Most people are not like this, my nan was but she would be 125 if alive today..

Hobnobbers · 28/10/2023 21:43

LTB. No one in my family would say this - awful bullying and childish behaviour. Get a better husband!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 28/10/2023 23:27

What's the phrase? When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

What are you hoping for here? You would be mad to think you will have a happy marriage and be accepted without constant jibes and snide remarks. God help your kids if they don't look fully Caucasian.!

mildlydispeptic · 28/10/2023 23:33

YADNBU, OP. So sorry you've been through this with these horrible people. You deserve better.

theduchessofspork · 28/10/2023 23:43

I hop this isn’t real but if it is dump. Now.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 28/10/2023 23:44

Wow, why have you stayed with him? Please leave!

Mydogmybestfriend · 29/10/2023 01:14

He's as vile as them for gaslighting you, they are racist

junbean · 29/10/2023 01:28

They are all racist. If you had children with them you'd be in a living nightmare. Run!

MintJulia · 29/10/2023 01:48

End it.. Find yourself someone lovely, supportive and not a racist creep.

susanaa · 29/10/2023 01:52

I’m white and if I’m being honest, think many white people have conversations like that and would be offended if you said they’re racist. I personally don’t agree with these comments but am made to look unreasonable if I call it out. So no real advice from me, other than I see similar things happen and you have my solidarity with raising it and asserting your boundaries

SinnerBoy · 29/10/2023 01:58

I'd say leave him and his vile family behind and don't look in the mirror.

coxesorangepippin · 29/10/2023 02:00

You've been with this man for years???

Sarahzb · 29/10/2023 02:49

Go

Hibiscrubbed · 29/10/2023 02:52

He’s racist by proxy, because he’s protecting his utterly revolting parents.

There’s simply no excuse for their behaviour. None at all.

Hibiscrubbed · 29/10/2023 02:53

Also can’t believe you’ve been with this awful man and put up with the racism for years…

momonpurpose · 29/10/2023 03:03

Ibravedaflood · 28/10/2023 19:50

Dump him.. Imagine dc in this abuse.

That's exactly what I was thinking too. Op dump him you deserve more

Quirkyme · 29/10/2023 03:25

Yeah fuck this. There's nothing to think twice about here.

Quirkyme · 29/10/2023 03:31

Tbh you also need to seek therapy immediately and raise your self-worth.

Any self-respecting person would not endure this type of vile behaviour for years. Nor would they be writing this post doubting themselves.

I say this with love, but you need to get out of this shit plus seek help because this is not something to be second-guessing yourself about.

The first time this racist behaviour from the parents and the also racist behaviour from your partner showed, you should have been OUT.

Wake up now and book therapy for the years you've endured this shit.

jadey1991 · 29/10/2023 04:37

That is completely racist. I would give him an ultimatum. He listens or you go end off.

mildlydispeptic · 29/10/2023 07:37

jadey1991 · 29/10/2023 04:37

That is completely racist. I would give him an ultimatum. He listens or you go end off.

I don't think it's about ultimatums because this isn't a behavioural problem, it's about the fact that he thinks it's ok for his parents to behave like this. You can't ultimatum people out of being racist.

QWERTYoutside · 29/10/2023 07:57

Bin him. Imagine having children with this family. Oh my don’t subject yourself and potentially dc to this racist bs. Your partner is a cowardly bystander to racism and doesn’t protect you. Bin him.

DuckyShincracker · 29/10/2023 09:02

Life is too short to be stuck with such awful people. If you want kids imagine how you are going to feel when they are making "non racist" remarks about your baby. Your DP has no right to tell you what is and isn't racist.

jadey1991 · 29/10/2023 09:09

mildlydispeptic · 29/10/2023 07:37

I don't think it's about ultimatums because this isn't a behavioural problem, it's about the fact that he thinks it's ok for his parents to behave like this. You can't ultimatum people out of being racist.

Show quote history

I'm saying that as he clearly thinks there is absolutely nothing wrong with his parents racist remarks.

Couldyounot · 29/10/2023 09:54

Absolutely the right answer to split. You shouldn't have to put up with that.