People incapable of using headphones

[LyndaLaHughes]

I've just had an argument with someone in a cafe who took umbrage to me politely asking them to turn down the volume on a video they were watching with their whole group on full volume. Apparently, I'm rude for asking them to turn it down. Is this socially acceptable now? It's driving me mad- everywhere I go, people are incapable of using headphones and subject everyone else to their noise. I find I have zero tolerance for it and give a death stare until they get the message. So AIBU? Is this the norm now or are these people just selfish inconsiderate arses?

I was on the overground in London yesterday when someone got on playing music and sat there in a full carriage continuing to play it. This person was a fairly well dressed adult, seemed entirely normal yet somehow thought it acceptable to play their choice of loud music and to impact the journey of at least 50 people. It is unfathomable to me that people think this is acceptable to do.

People are allowed to do whatever they want now op, didn't you know?

Wrong to judge or impair their enjoyment in any way as it is their absolute right. Questioning it affects their mental health in a negative way. They have been taught this by parents from an early age.

I was on a train with my DC, and somewhere in the carriage somebody was playing a very loud (I think) children's video on a tablet that seemed to reverberate around the space. We just gritted our teeth and tried to ignore it.

After 5-10 minutes of the annoying squeaky voices, beepy music and disco beats, a fabulously no-nonsense lady got up and strode down the carriage, inquiring of the occupants of every row "Who is making that awful noise?" until she found the culprits - a couple with a toddler - and firmly instructed them "Please turn that down or wear headphones!"

To my utter amazement, they sheepishly obeyed, and we had peace for the rest of the journey!

(I wish I'd been that assertive - lady on train, if you're reading, I salute you!).

They need to employ her on every train in the country!

However, there are posters on here who will argue their right to play loud videos for their headphone-refusing toddlers wherever they like because 'it's better than the sound of crying' (it really isn't) which is incredibly grating as loads of us managed our kids on trains and in restaurants before ipads existed so we know it's possible! Those kids grow up with no concept that their noise is annoying to others or that headphones exist - it's normal to them to blast out their music and videos anywhere and everywhere. It's unfathomable to me but I can only see it getting worse.

(I will say I travel first class for work a lot and never encounter it then, but sadly that's not always an option.)

It’s SO weird. We were abroad last week, and went on one of those organised tours that’s a very long day- leaving at 5am, back at 10pm kind of thing (never again). There were 2 drivers on our minibus, and whichever wasn’t driving just sat and watched back to back videos at full volume. Bus full of paying clients, 5am, YouTube videos. I just don’t get it. They spend huge chunks of their working lives on buses full of people who are trying to sleep, and they don’t have headphones? Various members of the group asked them to turn it down (off?!) a number of times, and they acted huffy and surprised every time. The mind boggles.

I had this on a train once. Its lucky I am not writing this from inside Pentonville.

I have this every single bloody time I use the Tube. It drives me insane. No I don't want to listen to your FaceTime call or shitty video. If everyone did that, it would be carnage.

Once when it was just me and annoying video man in the carriage, I found the most cringeful song I could on Spotify and went for a 60 sec blast. Miraculously it worked.

It’s main character syndrome. So many people feel that they are the main character and therefore the most important.

Different but similar event I saw yesterday- near me there is a marina. Along the edge of the waterfront is a road, single track, one way and due to the water no way for cars to pass each other. There was a car stopped in the middle of the road with the engine running. Another driver pulls up behind and beeps. The of the first car comes back from getting something from his boat huffing and puffing announcing that some people have no patience!

And it’s the same thing. I, or my child, is so much more important than everyone else and it doesn’t matter if other people can hear my music.

It's selfish, and it's going to get worse.

Think of all the people on here who never want a stranger/MIL/ teacher to discipline their kids. What wil they be like in twenty years !

I hate this and really wish it would be added to the list of disallowed behaviour in public places. It's so unnecessary and anti social.

I recently asked parents with a four year old and a noisy show on a tablet to use headphones on public transport or switch off. They were unhappy with me but switched it off. Entitled twats. If they had refused I’d have called a member of staff. You could feel the relief of people around them, some of whom were working on laptops.

I work for TfL. Believe me, if we stopped every antisocial arsehole doing their antisocial things (and I've seen things no-one needs to contemplate ever in their life) our rate of assaults (which is already too high) would increase so much there wouldn't be anyone left to staff the system. We're cut to the bone as it is. What would be ideal is every few stations had a police officer to deal with it but we don't.

But I agree the inconsiderate arseholes are running rampant through the Tubes and buses. It starts at school age and because they aren't told it's unacceptable by anyone in authority (tube staff aren't allowed to get involved due to risk of assault) they just keep it up into adulthood.

JustKen that's a fair point. But it would be relatively easy to put up a few signs saying please don't use speaker phones or play videos. Plus the odd announcement over the tannoy.

Most would probably ignore it as they're selfish bastards but stopping a few would be progress. And it means that passengers feel more empowered to ask people to turn it down.

I travel to work..round trip 4 hours. There is always someone playing music, tv show, etc loudly on phone. Its too much...usually younger kids. But i do have to stop myself from being a grump...theyre kids, we have all been there blasting out sounds 😁. I think it depends what theyre playing tbh lol. The ex used to wear headphone all time...excuse not to interact...so im a bit 50/50

'But it would be relatively easy to put up a few signs saying please don't use speaker phones or play videos. Plus the odd announcement over the tannoy.'

Signs like this just don't work because the entitled arseholes either won't read them or don't care. @JustKen , I hear you about the risk of challenging people and what the repercussions could be. Most / all of us have sat there silently FUMING at having to listen to somebody else's non stop noise because we were understandably scared to challenge them. I really don't know what the answer is

RulaLenskasHair · Yesterday 16:15

Had a… discussion with a man in the quiet coach on LNER recently. He said it’s now the quietER coach so yes he can have a Teams meeting.

I would have stood next to him and made rude comments about what an ignorant arse he was and banged on repeatedly that he was annoying the entire quiet carriage. I am a bolshy bugger.

Anyway, when Walkmans became popular, I remember signs on the Metro and buses, as well as items on the local news, saying in a polite way:

"Your tinny music is annoying everyone, so turn it down, if requested."

The thing is that people shouldn’t need telling. They shouldn’t need signs or policing. There seems to be an attitude of complete oblivion to the very idea of considering others.

Signs like this just don't work because the entitled arseholes either won't read them or don't care.

It's better than nothing and the current situation though.

I ALWAYS tell people to lower it down or put their headphones in, it's beyond rude and absolutely tips me over the edge.
It's not socially acceptable at all. People are just honestly so selfish these days!

I think if there are signs saying not to do it it encourages people to challenge it, otherwise what are no smoking signs etc for? And agree if one person speaks up, generally they realise they have the support of the whole rest of the carriage

You did the right thing OP, it should never be acceptable.

I hate this. See also ‘parents who let their kids watch shit on iPads at dinner without headphones’ and this it is acceptable.

it’s just so so so rude. I will never ever understand it. I don’t even let the kids have sound on in the house unless they are in their rooms!

I get that in-ear headphones would be a problem but surely over ear or 'bones conduction earphones would be ok?

In Japan people are lovely and quiet on public transport. It really nice. You can talk quietly but that's about it.

YANBU. I genuinely don’t understand it. Don’t these people realise that if everyone did it it would be a living hell- the algorithm generated nonsense of 40/50 people all blaring out at once?

If I was PM it would be an automatic confiscation of all devices and a 5 yr ban from apple/ Facebook/ insta/ TikTok for people who do this.

I’d have a rule that electronic devices would be built to be silent unless connected to headphones or speakers.