SIL smoking and then holding newborn

[Ladysukijuno]

SIL is living with us temporarily. I am 39 weeks pregnant. SIL smokes and I really don't want her holding my newborn baby after having a fag. First of all, AIBU? And if I'm not, how do I go about telling her?
She is quite a sensitive person, super excited about the baby and a very hands on auntie. We get on well and I don't want to cause any upset.

Ask your midwife for official guidance. Last I heard they said for any smokers in the household,

• Only smoke outside
• Wear a jacket just for smoking in, keep it in a porch or near the door, don't wear that jacket inside. This is to help reduce smoke clinging to clothing.
• Wait 30 mins after smoking to hold baby
• Wash hands before holding baby

And it's probably overcautious if she's not sleeping in your room but they recommend not cosleeping if there's a smoker in the house.

I wouldn’t let a smoker hold a new baby full stop. I’d be extremely unhappy about living with one too.

You do have to balance it a bit with the benefits of the relationship, I think this is important too. Although smoke exposure is something to be taken seriously and minimised, remember that 30, 40, 50 years ago most people grew up with two smoking parents and most were fine.

We do know that there are risks and it makes sense to be cautious when she's likely to have so much contact with the baby, but try not to worry overly about it.

Another thing you could ask is whether she'd consider swapping to vaping, and sticking to the same rules eg keep it outside.

Although there's not that much research on vaping it's unlikely that it's as harmful as smoking.

I wouldn't have let anyone breathe cigarette smoke over my babies when they were young.

She needs to wear a smoking hood or coat only used for that amd wash hands. Then take coat off, wash hands, should be OK to cuddle. Maybe 20 mins after though as breath contains it for ages after. That's what my midwives all said about smoking to me.