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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Struggles of Single People

35 replies

Switcheroonie · 27/10/2023 18:24

I'm really feeling fed up of being surrounded by people who have never truly been single and do not seem to get how life is for people on their own. My AIBU is partnered people can be really ignorant.

For example, told my coworker I was fixing my rotten deck boards. She expressed surprise multiple times that it was taking several weekends as they had replaced their deck in one weekend. Her partner and his friends did it. I'm doing the work by myself which includes going to the store, the waste depot, cutting and replacing all the boards which have odd angles and a pattern. All with just my two hands. This coworker has been partnered up since age of 20. I'm getting completely fed up of ignorant comments. There are many more examples like this, I'm sure single people can add theirs, but this is already a long post.

Don't tell me this has been posted before either. Mumsnet search engine is useless.

OP posts:
forrestgreen · 27/10/2023 18:32

Completely agree.
I put some garden furniture together. Loads of offers after the fact, and they didn't know how I could do it. Simple because if I didn't, nobody would.

Shyandhiding · 27/10/2023 18:35

Totally agree. My friends and colleagues keep asking me if I have finished painting the house yet (which I bought last year. and seem surprised when I say no. I work more than full time, I have weekend commitments, when exactly do they think I would have time to paint a whole house (with all the moving furniture faff and everything. that goes with it).

Any1Else · 27/10/2023 18:36

I don’t disagree with you, @Switcheroonie - but, having tried both states, I’d say it behoves single people to put as much effort into building solid, supportive social structures, as partnered people do into maintaining a healthy relationship.

Because in theory there’s no real reason why a single person shouldn’t also have friends who might help with one-off domestic tasks. Or whatever.

Otherwise you have to be prepared to throw money at the situation.

But, in the end, no amount of solo outdoor work could ever be as awful as a shitty relationship - so I would count your blessings!

Augustus40 · 27/10/2023 18:39

I just pay workmen. Decorators are expensive though.

Dweetfidilove · 27/10/2023 18:39

Her partner and friends put her deck together, so she’s probably assumed even without a partner, you may have a support system ready to help 🤷🏽‍♀️.

DiddyHeck · 27/10/2023 18:40

I'm not sure your example has much to do with her having a partner, perhaps more to do with the fact there was more than one person on the job?

I mean if you and your friends tackled your decking, it would also be done quickly?

ThinWomansBrain · 27/10/2023 18:40

Just read some of the countless threads about people putting up with useless partners that can't sort their own lunch/put stuff in the laundry basket/leave the butter in an unhacked state/do the shopping unless someone writes them a list/clear up after themselves...
Snigger and feel grateful.

DiddyHeck · 27/10/2023 18:40

Dweetfidilove · 27/10/2023 18:39

Her partner and friends put her deck together, so she’s probably assumed even without a partner, you may have a support system ready to help 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Yes this is what I mean.

If she had no partner, she still might have friends/family to help.

Goodornot · 27/10/2023 18:48

Being single is expensive too. Council tax is a 25% reduction , not 50%.

Covering all the bills and mortgage / rent on one salary.

Every Christmas and birthday you buy every family member a present and you get one back from the family.

Dweetfidilove · 27/10/2023 18:55

DiddyHeck · 27/10/2023 18:40

Yes this is what I mean.

If she had no partner, she still might have friends/family to help.

Show quote history

As a single person I probably wouldn’t even be trying to do a deck without help, so I would be on the same wavelength as OP’s friend.

Original poster
Switcheroonie · 27/10/2023 18:57

Any1Else · 27/10/2023 18:36

I don’t disagree with you, @Switcheroonie - but, having tried both states, I’d say it behoves single people to put as much effort into building solid, supportive social structures, as partnered people do into maintaining a healthy relationship.

Because in theory there’s no real reason why a single person shouldn’t also have friends who might help with one-off domestic tasks. Or whatever.

Otherwise you have to be prepared to throw money at the situation.

But, in the end, no amount of solo outdoor work could ever be as awful as a shitty relationship - so I would count your blessings!

What happens if you move? Are those friends going to drive 3 hours to spend whole weekends helping? That's probably rare. And it takes years to make new friends that might be willing to slug lumber about for you.

It's an old mumsnet trope, just make a support network and you will have all the help you need. How many of you that say that are out there helping people you just met?

As for paying someone else to do the work, easier said when you have two incomes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Switcheroonie · 27/10/2023 19:02

ThinWomansBrain · 27/10/2023 18:40

Just read some of the countless threads about people putting up with useless partners that can't sort their own lunch/put stuff in the laundry basket/leave the butter in an unhacked state/do the shopping unless someone writes them a list/clear up after themselves...
Snigger and feel grateful.

No I am not better off than them but they may have more empathy for single people knowing what it's like stuck dealing with everything on your own.

OP posts:
PrtScn · 27/10/2023 19:12

I think you are being unreasonable. It takes me longer to do DIY now I’m partnered up than it did when I was single. I have other responsibilities and people to consider whereas before I could do what I wanted when I wanted.
Trust me, you are not being disadvantaged being single. Embrace the single life.

LakeTiticaca · 27/10/2023 19:15

It's not the rest of the world's fault you are single
Some people are very happy being single 😉

Switcheroonie · 27/10/2023 19:30

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AutumnBonfires · 27/10/2023 19:32

Most DIY jobs do take me a lot longer but l get satisfaction and pride with the end result. It's taught me to be very independent and resourceful. It can feel overwhelming at times trying to juggle everything every single day on your own, l can name a few incidents when I've been with group of married friends, something has happened, within seconds they all whip out phones and contact other halves whilst I'm just stood there as l have no one to phone. But l have huge resilience and endurance, mentally l am very strong through years of being on my own. My perception of single parent changed drastically when l became one myself but there are also advantages. I
I don't really expect others who are not in same boat to understand.

Coffeerum · 27/10/2023 19:34

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YAWN

FreebieHound · 27/10/2023 19:40

YANBU, but people who aren't single don't get it. Try posting in Relationships - or in the Childfree forum, where more (though not all) posters are single.

Things that piss me off, in addition to what you've already mentioned:

  • not having anyone to help with big jobs, carrying large purchases home etc
  • not having anyone who's guaranteed to be in my corner if I'm sad
  • not having anyone else to take the bins out half the time
  • the high cost of travel (hotels)
  • men being dicks to me and not having anyone to kick their arses
Nowherenew · 27/10/2023 19:40

My sister moaned to me only a few days ago, about how relentless like is and she’s always struggling for time to do the laundry etc.

Her DH does 75% of the housework, parenting and other things and she struggles to get that I do it all by myself.

I don’t blame her though, as she’s not intentionally being rude.

I also think many women (and men)believe that you should be in a relationship and can’t fathom why you’re not, they think any partner is better than no partner.

Tonight1 · 27/10/2023 19:45

@Switcheroonie hey?!

I'm single and grateful for it as it is better than the alternative! Occasionally it would be nice to have someone help out with things but I can ask friends

Foodorder · 27/10/2023 19:49

I love being single, but there are some things people just don't get.

  • I've just booked a holiday, the accomodation cost is exactly the same as it would be for 2
  • My "household" income is pretty good because I have a good job, but I'm taxed much more rhan the same income would be between 2 people, even though my expenses are much the same.
  • there are so many jobs I have to pay someone to do simply because I have one skillset, not two, or the job needs 2 pairs of hands.

I'm impressed at you replacing the deck BTW
.

Timewentfast · 27/10/2023 19:49

If you are single then yes it is harder than people who have a good supportive partner. Even simple jobs like moving furniture (easy with two) becomes difficult or impossible with one. Also 2 people have different skill sets so one of you may enjoy/be good at gardening say and the other hates it but is good at paperwork.

It's definately more expensive too but then I guess you have your house to yourself. So no sharing the remote or the bed or being forced to watch football. You can eat what you want, go to bed when you want etc etc

If you have friends then hopefully they can help but is is more difficult to ask friends to help than a partner who lives there already.

However I do agree that life is more scary, difficult and expensive when single compared to having a good partner (maybe not if your partner is an unemployed lazy person)

What I want to talk about is the other type of freeloaders - you make their meals, you take them everywhere, they make a mess but don't tidy up. They expect you to pay for everything, their medical bills can be eye watering and the little bastards don't appreciate any of it.

Struggles of Single People
Addicted2Kale · 27/10/2023 20:01

Fellow single Pringle. World is set up for partnered people but after somewhat sharing my life with people prior, I'll take the compromises that come with singledom, particularly as I'm very comfortable financially.

If I feel compelled to make a post like your final one, I'll hold my nose and start dating.

Nowherenew · 27/10/2023 20:03

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Bloody hell!
Are you ok?

Literally 1 poster thought you were BU.
Everyone else agreed with you.

Tonight1 · 27/10/2023 20:08

Addicted2Kale · 27/10/2023 20:01

Fellow single Pringle. World is set up for partnered people but after somewhat sharing my life with people prior, I'll take the compromises that come with singledom, particularly as I'm very comfortable financially.

If I feel compelled to make a post like your final one, I'll hold my nose and start dating.

I'm quite poor but I manage - definitely don't want to be with a bad partner again but richer, this is definitely better!!

OP I get what you're saying however. Don't leave, come back and have a rant when you want

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