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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD giving friend a tour of our messy home

55 replies

Gorden009 · 27/10/2023 15:35

DD went to a show today with her friend and friends mum (they're both 6). It's new-ish friend we tend to meet outdoors as I have another child with special needs who would make indoor play dates here a bit impossible.

I've only been home from hospital a few days so was appreciative of a couple of hours peace. Admittedly, I haven't done a 'proper' tidy up since and the place is a mess.

Anyway, when DD was brought home we were at the door doing handover and her friend whispered to her mum that she needed to use the toilet, mum asked if she could and I said of course and showed her where it was and rejoined mum at the door.

Long story short DD gave her a complete bloody tour of the place which for some reason included opening drawers of the unit in the living room. When it clicked what they were doing I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

I wouldn't mind so much if the place was tidy but it wasn't. No doubt DD's friend will now report back to mum that the place is messy. (Not dirty, just stuff everywhere) and yes I am sure she will do that 😬

Would this bother you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gorden009 · 28/10/2023 09:22

Janieforever · 28/10/2023 08:28

The thing is op, the fact you kept her standing on the doorstep when her kid was inside and using the loo, inc the time for a complete tour, especially when she’d just taken your kid to a show, for me is a little rude.

I understand why you did it, but you knew she was coming round. It’s not clear if you were in hospital for your own need or with your other child, but it does read like you were capable enough to look after another child and also stand on the doorstep for a prolonged period . Even if it’s just into the hall I find it politer to invite someone in if it works out

i think that would be the thing that sticks in her mind rather than the unlikely event of her kid saying your house was messy. The fact you made her stand on the doorstep whilst her kid used the loo and had a complete tour.

I was in hospital for my own need and recently discharged. My other child was out with DH to give me time to rest and I'd actually been in bed sleeping until her mum called me to say she's dropping DD home.

She knew all of this and I was in my dressing gown when I opened the door. It was definitely not the time for inviting them both in for a cup of tea but I'll make the effort in future to ask her in so she doesn't think there's some weird conspiracy not to have people in.

OP posts:
mn29 · 28/10/2023 09:22

I can kind of understand where you’re coming from as I’m not naturally the tidiest so sometimes the house does get to the point I wouldn’t want people to see it. However, she is 6, won’t notice or care and won’t report back to her mum so YABU to worry about it.

Janieforever · 28/10/2023 09:31

Gorden009 · 28/10/2023 09:22

I was in hospital for my own need and recently discharged. My other child was out with DH to give me time to rest and I'd actually been in bed sleeping until her mum called me to say she's dropping DD home.

She knew all of this and I was in my dressing gown when I opened the door. It was definitely not the time for inviting them both in for a cup of tea but I'll make the effort in future to ask her in so she doesn't think there's some weird conspiracy not to have people in.

Show quote history

Ah ok then yes that is not remotely rude. Couldn’t your husband tidy though? Not for inviting her in, but just as it needed doing?

Original poster
Gorden009 · 28/10/2023 09:48

Janieforever · 28/10/2023 09:31

Ah ok then yes that is not remotely rude. Couldn’t your husband tidy though? Not for inviting her in, but just as it needed doing?

Show quote history

He has been doing the main bits but to be honest he's had a lot on his plate with looking after me, DD and DS with his additional needs. He's doing his best and I appreciate him for that. Making sure the house is visitor ready isn't really a priority at the moment as we weren't planning on having any.

OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 04/02/2024 23:12

Gorden009 · 27/10/2023 15:51

I think the uncomfortable feeling comes from not wanting to be judged by her friends mum.

Nobody likes being judged, but surely the other mum knew you hadn’t been home long from the hospital.
Did she make a face or scrunch up her nose or say “ooh ick?” No? You’re fine. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Maybe once you’re feeling back to your normal self, you could invite them over for a play date - so the mum could see the real house and not her daughter’s version of it.
Then you wouldn’t fret so much.

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