DD giving friend a tour of our messy home

[Gorden009]

DD went to a show today with her friend and friends mum (they're both 6). It's new-ish friend we tend to meet outdoors as I have another child with special needs who would make indoor play dates here a bit impossible.

I've only been home from hospital a few days so was appreciative of a couple of hours peace. Admittedly, I haven't done a 'proper' tidy up since and the place is a mess.

Anyway, when DD was brought home we were at the door doing handover and her friend whispered to her mum that she needed to use the toilet, mum asked if she could and I said of course and showed her where it was and rejoined mum at the door.

Long story short DD gave her a complete bloody tour of the place which for some reason included opening drawers of the unit in the living room. When it clicked what they were doing I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

I wouldn't mind so much if the place was tidy but it wasn't. No doubt DD's friend will now report back to mum that the place is messy. (Not dirty, just stuff everywhere) and yes I am sure she will do that 😬

Would this bother you?

But this is you judging her, she’s not even seen the mess. Only a little six year old whose undeveloped brain won’t notice.

But OP, the six year old would have had to tell her mother that your drawers were messy/whatever. Do you honestly think she will bother? She will just say "Emma has a pink bedroom carpet, and a Skye toy on her bed, and her kitchen has bowls on the floor because they have dogs." Or something similar...

My house is rather messy because I cba most of the time. I just don't give a shit really.

Sounds like my house 😩 I literally can't keep up with the mess. Doubt 6 year old girl would have noticed to be fair but I know why you would feel abit annoyed Xx

She won't have noticed, and who cares if the mum judges.

When I was a child we lived for a time in one room in my uncle and aunt's house. When I was grown up I asked my mum why she always used to drag me back if I wandered into the other rooms in the house. I was expecting her to say she didn't want me to be a nuisance to them. It turned out that they lived in complete filth. I had never noticed at all, I loved going in there and being given odd snacks to eat (taken off me when we got back in our room!!)

Once DD brought a friend in and loudly announced that's where daddy sleeps (we sleep in different rooms due to snoring etc). I was a bit mortified 😝

We're talking about a pair of six-year-olds here. Of course DD's friend isn't going to tell her mum the house was messy! She won't have given it a moment's thought - and in any case, how do you know DD's friend's house isn't messy too? Honestly, don't worry about this in the slightest.

Awww OP. This would absolutely bother me but I am a worrier. Why did your DD feel it was OK to show her friend round? I think you need to make her aware that it's not OK and you didn't give her permission.

Nothing you can do though. Move on.

Oh I completely know how you feel!!! The only bonus is that her Mum didn't come in for a look! I wouldn't worry about her going back to her Mum and mentioning the mess. Her house is probably the same.

One of my Daughters friends Dads comes over every now and then and he walks upstairs to the bedrooms to take her home etc. He's even jumped in our disgusting car for a lift before. I was mortified. Their house is always perfect.

I feel your pain.

Aww I know the feeling. Ours is rarely under control but I've decided to just own it, we live here and we're all busy with work,.school and college.

My dd9 once had a friend over (pre arranged) the day after a chunk of ceiling came down in our bay window. I told her they had to stay away from there, she went running in with her friend and announced 'and here's our hole in the ceiling'.

I bloody love it when someone has a house that isn't perfect. Makes me feel human and
normal!

Did the mum go round too?

I'm glad some can see where I'm coming from but take heart from most of you saying she won't give a crap about it.

Mum didn't come in no she stood at the door, it was her who clicked on to what they were doing actually as her DD was only meant to be going to the toilet 😬

Kids do not notice things like that! Every time I've been embarrassed by our messy house the parent say "Oh mine is much worse." I wouldn't worry about it.

When I was six we had to write a short diary in school every Monday. I wrote “I went to Uncle J and Aunty C’s house and it was a tip”

I remember it clearly as my teacher hit the roof about how we do not use such vulgar language or talk about another person’s home.

because this reaction was so strong I can even still vividly remember how much of a ‘tip’ it was. Pretty much like my house most days!

I had a few of those moments, I think we all have. She's a parent herself, she gets it.

The thing is op, the fact you kept her standing on the doorstep when her kid was inside and using the loo, inc the time for a complete tour, especially when she’d just taken your kid to a show, for me is a little rude.

I understand why you did it, but you knew she was coming round. It’s not clear if you were in hospital for your own need or with your other child, but it does read like you were capable enough to look after another child and also stand on the doorstep for a prolonged period . Even if it’s just into the hall I find it politer to invite someone in if it works out

i think that would be the thing that sticks in her mind rather than the unlikely event of her kid saying your house was messy. The fact you made her stand on the doorstep whilst her kid used the loo and had a complete tour.

If it makes you feel better OP, my house is in an estate full of identical houses and once when my dd was about 6 she had a friend over after school one day. When his mum picked him up he went to meet her at the door and said “this house is exactly the same as Xs house inside but it’s MUCH, MUCH messier!”. I was embarrassed but the boys mother was absolutely mortified.Next time he came round I made sure it was a bit tidier in the hope that he’d report back to his mother 🤣

To be honest, I have a little nephew who is a little adult in the most annoying ways and will parrot their mummy, “that house is so filthy”, “if aunty angie works harder she can earn more”. Although we snigger at these comments it does give us a clue to the kind of conversations that happen in the house between the adults.

EDIT: DN who before they even stepped inside my house said” you really should employ a cleaner, your house smells of cat”. Fyi the mom hates the cat. Six year olds don’t use the word employ and I doubt he even knows what it means.

She is 6😂

You are totally overreacting

Oh if the mum didn’t come in then it doesn’t matter at all. Kids notice the weirdest things. You can have an immaculate house, but if you had left a stack of clean washing on the landing then they notice it and think it’s messy. Or have a total tip and they don’t notice.

🤣🤣🤣oh dear!
Maybe explain about not opening drawers lol
My bedroom is off limits to play dates for a reason!

I was going to say it's usually reassuring to know other parents are in the same boat struggling against a tide of mess. You need to tell your daughter not to let visitors look through cupboards and some places like bedrooms can be out of bounds. It's happened now, it doesn't matter and probably the 6 year old won't be a reliable witness to any parental probing.

Dd’s house is virtually always ‘carnage’ as she puts it (and she’s not exaggerating) but plenty of the Gdcs’ friends like to come and play regardless, and the adult friends who often drop in evidently don’t give a toss either.

My pet theory is that most people enjoy seeing someone else’s mess - makes them feel so much better about their own, plus of course its infinitely preferable to a ‘show’ house, where you’re on edge about dropping crumbs/kids’ sticky fingers/anything else damaging the perfection.