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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be taken aback by this comment?

61 replies

PointyBlackBoots · 27/10/2023 15:33

I have 1 DC, aged 8. Sister has 3 DC aged, 4, 2 and 3 months. Having a chat with sis yday and she asked me when would I be having all the kids? Tbh the comment caught me off guard and I didn't realise she was actually waiting for an answer so I kind of spluttered and couldn't quite get my words out, this came across as being reluctant. Sis took offence to this and said I basically don't want to look after all of the kids at the same time, which I totally understand because she's probably right. I don't have any desires to do this voluntarily but absolutely would if an emergency arose or once in a lifetime event was happening, but as a working single parent (zero help) to a child who is finally out of the not so pleassant toddler years, I can't say spending my weekends with 4 kids is top of my to do list if there wasn't a specific reason. I tried to explain this to sis in a nice way but she was already offended that I didn't respond enthusiastically with a date straight away.

OP posts:

Nowherenew · 27/10/2023 19:07

I would be honest and say you don’t think you could cope with all of them at the ages they are right now.

I would possibly do it to give her a break but I’d ask to stay in her house, as I find them easier to deal with as they’re already in their routine.

But there’s a massive difference between looking after 1 extra one vs 2+

TomatoSandwiches · 27/10/2023 19:13

I would still be laughing at her audacity.
No, she doesn't get to ask that of you and in the manner she did either.

Zzbutton · 27/10/2023 19:25

Sorry posted on wrong thread !

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/10/2023 19:33

Fuck that shit.

lto2019 · 27/10/2023 19:48

I would say erm probably never - if I wanted four kids I would have had 3 more of my own.

Original poster

PointyBlackBoots · 27/10/2023 21:09

All2Well · 27/10/2023 19:03

My friends with more than one child who want a child free night/day ask multiple people to care for their kids. So baby goes to grandparents 1, toddler to Auntie with a cousin the same age to play with and pre-schooler/reception aged child to grandparents 2 or some variation of this (including paying for childminder or other professional to sit or involving friends who are willing to babysit). No way would they expect one person to look after more than two kids under 5 (including their own).

This is what usually happens tbh, so she does actually have childfree nights but obviously it's harder arranging childcare between multiple people so probably not as frequent as she would like but it's not like I'm just having them every other week either lol, it's literally once every now and then like most

OP posts:

Original poster

PointyBlackBoots · 27/10/2023 21:24

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 27/10/2023 18:17

If your sister had yours overnight, in order for you to have a childfree night, I imagine she wants the same.

Did you have her four year old when she/he was a baby and your own child was a four year old?

I don’t know if she is being unreasonable as she may have been very supportive to you in all manner of ways when you are a single parent and she had no kids or one child?

She was emotionally supportive at times, just as I have been with her over the years. Childcare not so much as she was early 20s and childfree when I had mine and of course wanted to live her life, which I totally understood, I had the baby not her so why should she be stuck in with a baby - she's a social butterfly. She does have childfree nights, just not facilitated entirely by me having all of the kids. I'm absolutely wanting to help out but the thought of all of them at once terrifies me and now I feel pressured to do something sooner than I would have liked.

OP posts:

Fionaville · 27/10/2023 21:30

We have 2 DCs, SIL has one (younger) She never offered to have our DCs even for an hour or took them anywhere. Now she keeps asking us when we are having her DD over for a sleepover. So, my question to you is, does your sis ever have your DC over? If the answer is yes, then I'd offer to have her DCs. The 'amount' of children isn't the issue. It's the 'give and take' of babysitting duties. Although, I will say an under one year old is a bit much.

Rudolphthefrog · 27/10/2023 21:46

Am I missing something? How are you supposed to look after a clingy breastfed two year old and a presumably breastfed three month old, overnight?! Especially as she apparently doesn’t express.

She’s being ridiculous. Tell her when they’re all fully weaned and happy and confident to sleep over you’ll think about it.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/10/2023 23:37

CatamaranViper · 27/10/2023 15:37

Just tell her that she needs to learn to ask nicely so you can consider it. Her choice to have three kids.

Yup

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/10/2023 23:37

UndercoverCop · 27/10/2023 15:37

Does she have yours? If so it's giving you child free time and it would be nice for you to reciprocate

True but it's very different with so many including a baby!

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