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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could you live your whole life in one place

29 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 26/10/2023 23:30

Not really an AIBU but I have been wondering whether you could stay living where you are born and where generations before you lived, or whether you would feel a need to move away

OP posts:
MinnieL · 26/10/2023 23:31

I don’t like change so I’m more than happy to stay in the same area. I’m living 20 minutes away from my mum’s house where I grew up. SW London and I doubt I’ll ever leave

Sparehair · 26/10/2023 23:32

I think it depends on when you’re born. Like now, definitely not but if I was born in the 1700s I’d probably be happy with they because getting anywhere significantly different would be a massive hassle

Wolvesart · 26/10/2023 23:35

I have by default. I did study elsewhere and work abroad for a few years a couple of times but my main working life has either been in this city or commuting to London.

AllegroConMoto · 26/10/2023 23:35

I haven’t, but could. One side of my family have literally lived in the same town since at least the 1700s (and both sides of the family have strong connections to the same county for at least that length of time)

It’s my generation and younger that have moved away permanently. We can’t afford to live there now.

Overloadimplode · 26/10/2023 23:36

I would feel trapped and suffocated, and wonder if I was missing out all the time. I have lived in about 12 different towns and cities. I hope I get to live in a few more.

penimoy · 26/10/2023 23:38

I have lived in a few different places in the UK and I'm glad I have. Wish I could have lived abroad but too complex with SN children. My sisters have lived in the same London Borough all their lives. It's a nice area but they don't have a broad understanding of life outside London and also seem quite unwilling to go outside their comfort zone with travelling. We are all first generation immigrants to the UK, we don't have generational ties here.

Ineedwinenow · 26/10/2023 23:39

I’m back in my home village, I’ve lived all over the world and now back to where it all started and it’s actually the only place that feels like home, there’s been several generations of my family here and lots of my family do still live here so it’s lovely being back and being close to them all rather than a long haul flight away.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 26/10/2023 23:47

I needed to move away as did my mum in the early 50s. So did DH and I can see the same in my DC. My dad also moved away and so am slightly wondering if it’s genetic.

All of my immediate family have moved about except DHs family who have stayed in one Yorkshire valley, and my mums family who have stayed in one Welsh valley

OP posts:
WalkedInJustToWalkOut · 26/10/2023 23:50

No, I don’t think so. I moved from a small town in another country to a city here and have moved a couple of times since. I’m glad I did it as I know I wouldn’t have been happy there.

Strangely as I’ve got older, when I go home to visit family and friends, I want to stay there. I can see why it didn’t appeal to me as a young adult but it really does now.

anunlikelyseahorse · 26/10/2023 23:50

No, I have permanently itchy feet, as soon as dc have finished their education I'll be heading for the seven seas again!

Lovethatforyou · 26/10/2023 23:54

I have. And plan to stay.

Live in a lovely area, by the sea. Surrounded by family and friends, great schools, parks… good transport/road links. Relatively low CoL.

Makes most sense to stay. And experience other places through travel/holidays.

Pallisers · 26/10/2023 23:54

I would have happily. Instead I moved continents and live in a very different place.

My sister lives where we grew up (small city) and where her husband grew up. They travel a lot, have seen a lot of different places, just haven't lived there.

It might be different moving from a tiny village in the countryside to a big city.

I'll tell you something. People worry about the same things, care about the same things and do the same things no matter where they are - rear children, try to get the best schools, go on holidays, meet friends. Our experiences are very very similar once you are in the first world. I am in the USA. Yes I may worry about guns etc (actually not that much where I live) but my day to day life is very very similar to my friends back home.

The one thing moving away does give is the realisation that you can actually do most things by yourself. it is nice to have a village but it is also liberating to realise you don't need to rely on that village.

Polis · 26/10/2023 23:55

I live in a village and plenty of my neighbours were born there (in the 1900s) and will very likely die there too.

SkaneTos · 27/10/2023 00:00

I haven't, but I think I could.
If you are happy, why not?

I also think of people who inherit the family farm/family business/etc. As long as they are happy, why not?

But then again, I am happy that I have lived in different countries and places, otherwise I would not be the person I am today (and I do not have family farm to inherit).

assignedmeowth · 27/10/2023 00:00

I grew up in a horrible run down market town. I hated it even as a child. It's a sea of pound shops and greasy spoons.

I'm the only member of my family to have left. Everyone else is still there.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/10/2023 00:00

No

Mum2aTeen · 27/10/2023 00:02

Yep, and I have/am doing.
My great grandparents lived in the town as did my grandparents, my parents and now my family I love it it's got heaps going on beautiful places/landscapes (5 minutes from a lake and half an hour to a lot of beaches then about an hour west got the bush/country side/rivers you can swim in) but this area will always feel like home I think I'd get really homesick if we moved.
My sister moved 15+ years ago to our closest capital city she absolutely loves it (a lot more to do more social life and good work-life balance she has no children though so works for her ) , but we live two very different lives. I would absolutely hate that I need a quite suburban town that has the amenities that you need but isn't busy 24/7 and that's what we have.

pizzaHeart · 27/10/2023 00:02

No, the uni was a bit crap at the place where I was born so I would move out at least for this reason but my parents moved out earlier for work.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 27/10/2023 00:11

I’ve always lived in different cities since I left home, my current one is the longest stint at 15 years. I thought this would be my last place, but recently I’ve started yearning for something. I can’t wrap my head around living here until I die. I haven’t got the energy for somewhere brand new all over again; my childhood home town is not what it used to be and DH wouldn’t want to live there anyway. I really don’t know what to do, and it feels pretty awful tbh.

I expect it will sort itself out. But it feels a bit like being in my 20s, desperately needing to know what my future would be like (will I meet someone? Will I have children? How many? Where will we live?). Now that all those questions are settled and I’m deeply content with all that, this unrest around my final location is so reminiscent of 30 years ago!

adriftinadenofvipers · 27/10/2023 00:11

I moved away from where I grew up in the countryside when I went to uni, and I wouldn't go back.

I also moved to London for a time, but moved out again, but 40-odd miles from where I grew up, in a city.

I'm content here, although I would love to have a second home with a sea view. I can dream!!

wannabetraveler · 27/10/2023 00:14

Overloadimplode · 26/10/2023 23:36

I would feel trapped and suffocated, and wonder if I was missing out all the time. I have lived in about 12 different towns and cities. I hope I get to live in a few more.

Me too. I went from the NW to the NE for college, then to London. Now I live in the US! My brother lives about 5 miles from our childhood home. I'll never understand it.

Nevermind31 · 27/10/2023 00:16

Not when I was younger… loved in 4 countries… got stuck in the UK. Which I loved.
now that I have children, and my parents are getting older I do wonder… would it have been better to stay?

wannabetraveler · 27/10/2023 00:17

assignedmeowth · 27/10/2023 00:00

I grew up in a horrible run down market town. I hated it even as a child. It's a sea of pound shops and greasy spoons.

I'm the only member of my family to have left. Everyone else is still there.

Similar to me. I went back recently and was struck by just how shitty it still is. My extended family still live there, not one of them has even considered moving away. They truly don't know what they're missing.

JFT · 27/10/2023 00:23

FunnysInLaJardin · 26/10/2023 23:30

Not really an AIBU but I have been wondering whether you could stay living where you are born and where generations before you lived, or whether you would feel a need to move away

I fled my home town at the first opportunity. Couldn't bear it, wanted out. Moved to London with nothing in my teens and been here ever since, feel phobic and even trauma triggered at the idea of going back there, which I don't.

Two of my siblings still live and thrive in the home town. One sibling lives overseas.

I can see how the siblings who stayed and settled have by far easier lives over the years and far far greater social connection. Everyone knows everyone in my small home town. We all went to the same schools, same shops, same parks, hung in the same streets. So by now, they've lived and grown in the town they were born and raised in alongside everyone they've known since kindergarten. They have their own families and their kids are being brought up with all that connection too.

So, it's pretty cushy compared to my life which is hard, not gonna lie. I don't have that massive network of everyone who's known me since forever.

adriftinadenofvipers · 27/10/2023 00:42

I don't actually want that network of people who have known me forever. I am not the person I was when I was a child, and I don't want to be seen in that way.

I'm pretty much still a 'blow in' despite having lived here 30 years, but I've established my own network and that's good.

The vast majority of my cousins still live where they were reared. One of their kids wanted to be a teacher but would have had to move away to do a PGCE - couldn't leave the boyfriend (now husband) and is working very pt in a job that's nothing to do with her degree, and that she didn't need a degree for either.

Another was the same - worked in a jewellery shop postgrad and now SAHM to 2.

One cousin's kids however have seen the world as their oyster. Two are in Australia, another in Canada. One has a Thai husband. I don't know what the difference is?

One of mine is a homebird, lived away for 4 years but came back. Another also lived away and has constantly itchy feet, and is about to move away again. Youngest also has ambitions to move away. I think that's healthy.

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