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Original poster

Is it OK or not to email therapist to ask this?

29 replies

justsodumb · 26/10/2023 18:31

I just had an appointment. The therapist brought up finishing therapy, how it was a good idea when I did finish to have a couple of sessions for I guess closure. That's fine but I am interpreting the wider picture as she thinks I should be finishing soon? As in, should only have a couple more sessions?

I don't know now if I will have a therapist in a few weeks time, and I don't know if I need to start looking for a new one?

Should I email to ask to clarify if we are wrapping things up? I don't email unless for admin like booking appointments.

It all feels weird now and don't know what to do.

OP posts:
WanderingAroundintheLark · 26/10/2023 18:34

You perhaps need to wait to the next session. I'd suggest you might want to keep on but maybe therapist has reached the end of how they can help you

ItsmeImtheproblem200 · 26/10/2023 18:34

Just wait till next session.

TappingTed · 26/10/2023 18:36

Absolutely not an issue to email but keep it light-

Dear Freud,
I am just wondering if you can clarify if tonight's discussion about ending therapy was something you think will be happening soon? I was not sure of it was just general discussion or of you had a date in mind for our work ending.

Thank you

Original poster
justsodumb · 26/10/2023 18:37

Yes, I should probably just wait. But what I can do is start the process to find a new one in the meantime.

I suppose I don't really need to know what the current one is doing to get cracking finding somebody else.

OP posts:
lamalamalamasquirrel · 26/10/2023 18:38

Just wait

Alwaystired2023 · 26/10/2023 18:38

Email them! They won't mind. Please don't wait worrying until the next session, just ask part of their job is also the admin of appointments so it's not a problem to email to check x

Original poster
justsodumb · 26/10/2023 18:42

Dear Freud
Grin

made me laugh @TappingTed

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 26/10/2023 18:42

I’d suggest waiting until your next session and explore with her whether you need more therapy (sounds as though you think you do), whether she feels you may benefit from a
particular type of therapy which she may not offer and whether there was any special reason she discussed a procedure for ending therapy.
It is natural to get attached to a therapist and feel a sense of panic at the possibility of “losing” them but you found this one, you will find another. If she suggests a certain approach she may have a recommendation.
Of course, she may have something going on in her life which means she needs to reduce workload (illness (herself or family), relationship issues, a need to focus on studying…).

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 26/10/2023 18:45

I'm unclear why the therapist is talking about finishing, when you clearly are not ready to finish?

Is it a finite or limited course you've been doing, which was always going to finish and then you would carry on elsewhere, or has this come as a surprise to you?

If it's a surprise then I think you should probably wait till your next session and have a proper conversation about you wanting to carry on and if they are willing to do that. It seems a shame to have to find a new therapist and go through the stage of building trust when you already have a therapist that you're presumably happy working with?! If they think you're reaching the stage that you no longer need therapy at all, and you don't agree, I think you need to talk to them about that.

Original poster
justsodumb · 26/10/2023 18:46

I don't feel panicked or anything, just tired at the thought of having to start again and start trying to find a new person.

But, such is life innit. It's ok but I'd rather know as soon as possible so I can get the ball rolling.

OP posts:
Original poster
justsodumb · 26/10/2023 18:49

Agree it does need a proper conversation.

I dunno I'm just tired and would prefer to have some therapy in my diary on an ongoing basis, especially in the run up to Christmas.

It's the first anniversary of my Mum's death in January and I'm already finding it all difficult.

OP posts:
Minfilia · 26/10/2023 19:11

My therapist would say it’s fine to message about sessions in between sessions. So yes, I think your email is fine.

RandomButtons · 26/10/2023 19:15

Sounds fine to email them about that to me.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/10/2023 19:17

Your therapist has fucked up here in my opinion.

Definitely email.

Nowherenew · 26/10/2023 19:20

I dunno I'm just tired and would prefer to have some therapy in my diary on an ongoing basis, especially in the run up to Christmas.

It's the first anniversary of my Mum's death in January and I'm already finding it all difficult.

I would definitely email this.

I highly doubt a therapist would drop a paying client for no reason and perhaps she’s under the impression that you want to wrap the sessions up soon.

I would email and say what you’ve said on here - that last session she said….and it sounded like she was wrapping up the sessions, although you’d like to continue them until after Christmas at least and if she’s unable to do this could she let you know so you can plan to find a replacement.

EmmaDilemma5 · 26/10/2023 19:27

That's not typically how therapy works. If you aren't ready for it to end, unless there's a reason their end it needs to, or they feel it's not therapeutic anymore, the you can choose how long it continues.

So I really wouldn't read anything into it. She probably should have talked about that at the beginning, maybe realised she forgot, and thought she'd mention if before it became relevent.

But either way, it's definitely ok to email your therapist between sessions, totally normal and I'm sure they won't mind.

Original poster
justsodumb · 26/10/2023 19:54

Thank you, everyone. I drafted an email but now feel too awkward to send it. I think it makes me look needy.

I genuinely have no idea if it is better to ask straightforwardly, or just prepare by finding a new one while knowing I'll be pleasantly surprised if she didn't mean we should wrap in a few weeks.

I don't want to be annoying. Why am I such an awkward human Grin

OP posts:
laclochette · 26/10/2023 20:03

I'd wait until your next session and then literally explain all this to her. Your lack of clarity, your nervousness around emailing her, asking yourself why you are "an awkward human". Not only will this clarify the actual situation but remember, a therapist uses the way that you engage with each other as information about how you go through the world and engage with others. She may find it interesting to discuss further with you. Why feel nervous about sending an email etc. So this is good stuff to share with her.

(As an example, my therapist commented on my body language when I enter the room to see him and it was incredibly revealing about a part of myself! So remember.... everything is material when it comes the way you relate to your therapist. And material is work and work is progress!)

Original poster
justsodumb · 26/10/2023 20:10

Yes I get that everything is material and the relationship is the work, but I don't think this therapist works with that stuff in terms of analysing that level of minute detail.

Honestly, now I feel even more uncomfortable and don't want to discuss with her why I'm feeling awkward and uncomfortable, so maybe it has in fact run its course.

Surely getting therapy to process something like a bereavement shouldn't sap the energy by needing whole sessions to discuss curve balls in the relationship with the therapist? I don't get it.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 26/10/2023 20:23

Send the email. Her response may take the weight off your shoulders, plus the uncertainty will have gone.

OwlBasket · 26/10/2023 21:32

You absolutely should mail. It’ll just niggle until the next session otherwise

Katrinawaves · 26/10/2023 22:21

How is the therapy being provided/funded?

if this is NHS or provided via an EAP programme or funded by health insurance, it’s likely that set number of sessions was agreed at the outset with the funder - though you should have been told how many sessions you were getting in an ideal world.

if you found the therapist yourself and are privately funding it then provided the sessions are still benefiting you I’d expect them to continue as long as necessary. But it’s possible that your therapist thinks the main work has been done and is worried that you are becoming dependent on her which would not be helpful for you long term so she may want to start bringing them to an end. In my experience, that would not usually be a cold stop however but more likely that they would be phased out. So if you are currently seeing her weekly, it might move to fortnightly for a few sessions, then once a month for a few months and then come to an end.

sarahc336 · 26/10/2023 22:55

Hi op, I'm a therapist so I shall give my opinion which may help. Receiving an email of this nature in my opinion would be fine but in response I would probably give a short reply and say we discuss it next time we see each other. I'd then hope to have a good chat about your concerns. So I'd say an email is fine but really you won't probably get any answers until your next session.
Therapy can finish for many reasons, it might be that you can only have a set number of sessions or that the treatment you are having has been complete. Or the therapist may believe you are ready to finish. This is all normally discussed together. As a therapist if you were my client id like to hear your thoughts on the matter so I could then discuss what else you felt you needed to cover in treatment and we could then form a joint plan together, defo raise it with them. Good luck 😄

Question10 · 26/10/2023 23:15

Hi, therapist here! Sorry you have been left feeling out of sorts about this. Is it private therapy? Or through an EAP? EAP or NHS can be a set number of sessions.
But if it is private therapy then the ending would usually be determined by the client. It’s highly unlikely for a therapist to end therapy if the client is still wishing it to continue.

I would DEFINITELY bring it up in the next session or email if you feel you can’t wait until then.

I wonder if the therapist has got the wrong end of the stick and has assumed you want to end soon? Hence why talking about ending/closure sessions?

Anyway. It is all part of the work. The relational aspect’s between therapist & client can tell us a lot about our inbuilt mechanisms/defences/transference etc. A good therapist should be able to work through this with you.

Good luck OP

junbean · 27/10/2023 01:59

Yes email, I've always been encouraged to make contact in between if I have any questions or concerns. It's entirely appropriate. Also good to ward off overthinking or anxiety.