Am I BU or is MIL - Kids and junk food?

[eardefender]

DD1 is 10 and 'plump'. She is currently with MIL in MIL country for half term. I am fine and relaxed about her having treat food etc she is with granny and on holiday however i have just spoken to her and i am a bit pissed off about the food she is eating. She has just come back from a walk and she is having a 'snack' of a huge bowl of donut, squirty cream and custard plus a hot chocolate. Last nights dinner was macdonalds, night before was movie with a mountain of sweets it seems to be each meal and snack is junk, sugar and sweets all the time.

When MIl visits us she takes her out for the day and all i get are whatsapp pictures of my daughter eating mountains of junk food, i mean 4 times like DD just asks and gran says yes to everything no moderation around food. The irony is that MIL only eats a very restricted diet of veg and protein, some fruit and porridge and black tea. MIL is very thin. MIL had a deprived childhood and would not have had any treat or junk food as a child at all. I feel like part of it is that she wants my DD to love her by saying yes to anything my DD wants (demands) and also somehow enjoying the treats herself, but via DD. However, it is not OK for me and not loving to treat a child like this as its putting your own needs first. This stuff is unhealthy and addictive. She knows we don't allow DD coke but sends a picture of her with a full can on the flight. DD will probably come home in a foul mood on a sugar low wanting burger king for breakfast and a bag of sweets for lunch.

She loves dd and i don't want to fall out with her but this is not OK. I have told DH to sort it and he completely agrees. I don't want this to cause tension between DD and me and her dad. Cant help feeling that MIL wants to be the popular one here which isn't really fair on us or DD.
We also have a three year old who has a really good balanced diet with a few treats ere and there in moderation and on special occasions and i don't want MIL doing the same to her when she is old enough to look after her.

Part of having a healthy relationship with food is allowing yourself to enjoy fun moments. As adults, let’s be real when we go on holiday we indulge and have fun. I think you’re picking the wrong battle with MIL. What you could say is the o remind her of your healthy eating goals for DD.

but picking at mil for giving dd a can of coke is the wrong battle. In the grand scheme of things a few holidays year with mil isn’t going to do crazy damage. Especially if she’s eating well and exercising well when she’s at home. A good relationship with food means that you can enjoy holidays and “unhealthy” food

She didnt get "plump" eating at your MILs, she got "plump" eating at home. Start there

OP just wanted to pass on a smile and some friendliness as there are a lot of weirdly snotty and unkind posters on this post.

YANBU, and your MIL sounds very odd - there's a definite "type" of very thin, eating-disordered older woman who gets satisfaction from overfeeding daughters/granddaughters (we've had many threads about women like this before so I'm not sure why you're getting such a hard time here). Start tapering off the holiday visits now as it sounds like in a couple more years she might be plying DD with fags and booze as well as junk food!

Thank you so much for the sane replies on here I really appreciate the advice. The trouble with posting on aibu is that you get great traffic and help and a different perspective but I so often see posters as an easy target for random ears to attack and almost troll.

I do really value mil she is great with the kids and loves them but this issue does concern me. I am also reminded that she has a little dog who is very fat because she overfeeds him. He also bites and is Very spoiled 😂

I wouldn’t be happy either, whatever the situation with a child’s weight. Eating like that for a week isn’t great. What other posters say is true, though. You can’t send her there for a week and tell MIL what to feed her.