Is he being toxic or WIBU?

[JellyPopz]

DH wfh today, returns from shop this morning at 9.15am with a bunch of flowers. I jokingly say "aww were they giving them away?!" and he jokingly replies "you're not getting a kiss now!". He then seems a bit short later bit says nothing is wrong. A little later he shows a photo of the flowers on the kitchen table with the words 'guess she's not a flower person, been on the table for 2 hours' for a social media post. I said not to send that as it looks mean, like he's shaming me. He acts confused but doesn't share the post. About half an hour ago he has asked if I don't want the flowers as I haven't yet put them in a vase. I've had a shower and wfh so have been meaning to but haven't got round to it. He said he would give them to his Mum if I'm not bothered. I said I am bothered but he can just give them to her if he's annoyed I didn't jump and put them straight in a vase.

He's put them in the passage to take to his Mums and gone upstairs. So I've put them in a vase now and will continue with the notion that I didn't realise he'd be offended that they weren't out straight in a vase.

WIBU, is it an etiquette to put them straight in water? I guess I should have.

I feel his actions and comments of giving them to his Mum is a bit toxic? He gave me some flowers then wanted to take them away because I hadn't acted exactly as he wanted!

That's awful. Only twice?!?! 😔 This is for you:

🌼 🌸 🌻 🌹 🏵 🌺🪻⚘️🌾💐💮🪷💐

I wasn't sure what you liked, so I gave you a selection 💐🪻🌺

It’s not etiquette! If you don’t put them in water they die- and pretty quickly. If you can’t be arsed to take the cellophane off and cut the stems immediately just bung them in the vase of water at least in the wrappers and then do it properly later.

@JellyPopz if I were you, I would go and give him a big hug and say sorry for hurting his feelings.

It does not take long for flowers to be put in a vase so yes yabu The post he was going to put on social media is odd though or maybe it's me but if upset just communicate with each other face to face

Lol

I dont think he's the toxic one.

@Littlelucas

Are you ok? You seem angry and sad

Sorry, I must have missed the garage carnations bit.

Your DH buys you flowers just because and you don't say thank you, or put them in water, you leave them on the table for 2 hours, then you accuse him of shaming you and you think he's the toxic one? Over 5 hours between the time OP says he brought her the flowers and the time she posted, and she still hasn't put them in water.

If I were tryng to tell someone their attentions were unwanted I might throw their flowers in the bin - or I might leave them on the side to wilt, to make sure they really noticed that the flowers were not accepted.

There's an old saying "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"(ie don't check the age of the horse by its teeth if the horse was a gift) - very relevant to your sarky remark, OP.

You were rude and should apologise.

I think you could've got away with the sarky comment if you'd then looked after the flowers properly. Or you could've got away with forgetting about them if you'd been happy and thankful in the first place.

Sarky comment and then forgetting about them is going to make anyone in your husband's position think "why the hell did I bother" though.

You sound very unkind. Why not just say, 'thank you" when he gave the flowers? Why the sarcastic comment? And agree, ti takes 10 seconds to shove them into something so they don't die.

So unless there's some massive backstory where he beat you black and blue yesterday and these are a half hearted apology from him, you're being extremely unreasonable and very rude.

WIBU, is it an etiquette to put them straight in water? It's nothing to do with etiquette. They are living things. They'll be in water at the shop, they need to back in water asap. By leaving them on the work surface for nearly 5 hours you are actively damaging them.

Still, you've ensured you'll never be bothered by flowers again so some good has come out of it.

You sound like the toxic one, was that really the first thing that came to mind?

Toxic? Um, no, not him.

No, I was thinking the same thing. It's a massive over reaction. Haven't people ever given a gift that was unwanted? Its disappointing but I certainly wouldn't go around making drama about it. I was quite taken aback at the social media post, it seems really nasty and odd to post personal stuff like that but maybe I'm just clueless as I'm not on social media, maybe that's something OP and partner do?

OP I think you should initiate an apology as you were ungrateful and that's what kicked it all off. Then maybe when all is OK you could say how you feel he reacted excessively. Its a really nothing situation in the overall scheme of things.

He could have put them in a vase though.
Giving someone flowers is a nice gesture, but if they're busy you've just given them another job to do.

Poor bloke. I'd be hurt in his shoes too. You can't just dump fresh flowers on the table and leave them. They'll spoil

Stick them in the washing up bowl with some water until you've got time to arrange them. Or in the vase in the packaging.

As long as they're in water. It's not hard

Toxic? That would be dismissing a kind gift, being sarcastic, not thinking to pop flowers in water before or after getting in the shower to make a point, policing his social media and playing stupid fucking games.

Poor bastard. I hope his mum enjoys the flowers.

You were being flippant and mean.

I'm not surprised he's acted the way he did.

The usual way to deal with this is to say thank you, put some water in the sink and put the flowers in there if you are busy. That takes two minutes.

He’s being a twat. On the rare occasion DH buys me flowers, after I’ve admired them, he gets the kitchen scissors and cuts the ends of and puts in the flower food in the water. I hate doing all that.

I do the same when I take flowers to my mum, she hates doing all that and arranging the flowers, so I do it for her.

Agree 💯

I think you were a bit mean, if you left the flowers out of water for hours they will die really fast. Takes 30 seconds to bung them in some sort of container.

Just leaving them out to wilt is wasteful and looks like you didn't appreciate them at all. And if you don't, fair enough, but it's a bit of a slap in the face for him.

If you don't like getting flowers, let him know that so he won't buy them again.