Should I co-pay babysitting costs of other parents' child?

[Farahto]

Hi everyone!

We are a childfree couple living in the UK. We have friends on the mainland that often come to visit us and stay with us. They have a son that doesn't speak English.
When they visit us they ask us to find a babysit that speaks his native language. As you can imagine, the options are quite slim (especially if you're not looking for a regular babysit) and the costs for a babysit here in the city are quite high and much higher compared to what they are used to.

Now, do you think we should offer to split the babysit costs? I feel guilty about this (as he is my godson + we also enjoy the night out), but objectively I don't think we should. My SO also doesn't think we should.

What do you think?
Thanks for helping out!

Well, all I can say is that I wouldn't. It's their child. Their cost.
I've got kids and accept that I have to pay what it costs me.

Of course you shouldn’t. What’s making you think you should pay for their babysitter? And why are you finding the babysitter for them? This is 100% their responsibility.

I’m confused. Why would you?

No. Why would you think you should?

If you never go to them, then maybe as they have travel expenses. If you share the travel, then no.

Not at all, and I don’t think the parents would expect you to either.

I think OP is covering this already by offering her home.

The reason why I feel a bit guilty about not offering to copay is 1) because it's my godson and they want us to have a good relationship so they take him with them on their travels to us (which I can imagine is a hassle, travelling with a child) and 2) because we also get a nice evening out of it, not confined to eating before 6pm or eating take out in our small apartment.

Hooe that makes sense. (My brother and SO also think it's weird I feel guilty about this, but I hope you can understand a bit :-))

You've already done a lot by sourcing the appropriate babysitter. I wouldn't expect for you pay pay towards the babysitting.

We visit very often, and never split travel costs

As a parent I would see babysitting costs as my responsibility during a trip like that and tbh I'd probably take you out for dinner for hosting. You don't need to feel the need to pay for it.

I'm child free and I'm struggling to think of an occasion where any friend would expect me to pay their babysitter

Thank you all! This is superhelpful! Not having children and not having any childfree friends sometimes makes it difficult for me to know what is 'right' in these kinds of situations.

Yeah I don't see why you would pay either. And why would you be confined to eating before 6pm anyway?

Can they get a babysitter to have their child at their home and then they travel over?

Accommodating friends with children when you are childfree means agreeing to some events and timings and venues that might not be your first choice. It means being understanding of the additional costs and hassle that come with travelling with a child.

As the child is your godchild, it might also come with making an effort to take the child out for a day to give the parents a break and give you time to bond, or perhaps to insist on paying for an ice cream or treat when at the park.

It does not come with a responsibility to meet the costs of babysitting.

It's weird that you feel guilty about this. It's not your expense.

I wouldn't offer to split the cost of a babysitter. I would probably ask them if they preferred to stay in for the evening or eat earlier in the evening or at a child-appropriate restaurant, just so they had the option of not having to get a babysitter in the first place, but if they were happy enough to join you for a childfree night out then yes, they should pay for the sitter.

I personally wouldn’t as it’s their child but if you have the money and want to then I also think that’s fine. But I wouldn’t say it’s common practice.

I'd never have expected anybody to find a foreign language speaking babysitter for me and I certainly wouldn't expect them to pay half of it. My son's godmother did give him a fairly sizeable gift when was at university and that was very generous of her.

That's weird I'd never expect anyone to cover any costs related to my child, especially if the other person doesn't have children, so it's not a case of 'I'll get it this time and you get it next'

I think this explains perfectly why you shouldn't pay for a babysitter.

1, they want you to have a good relationship, it's not that you are making them bring him.

2, It's not you who has to eat before 6pm, it's their child.

Nothing of anything is because of you, it's because they had a child. You have agreed to be a god parent, but it doesn't mean you are financially responible for the child.

I can see why you feel this way. You want to have the adult night out just as much as they do, so hiring the babysitter is an advantage for you and them.

If I had the money and it wasn’t a big deal for me financially then I’d just pay the babysitter myself some of the times they come to stay.

Not entirely sure why you have to eat at the same time as kiddo.

“because it's my godson and they want us to have a good relationship so they take him with them on their travels to us (which I can imagine is a hassle, travelling with a child”

Unless he’s being left with family, it would cost them a lot more in childminding costs, or favours from friends or whoever is looking after him, while they are away.

Would you be happy for him to come out with you and sleep in a buggy/on a chair at the table with you? Or not sleep and want mum or dad every two mins?
If the answer is no, I think it would be really nice to offer half (but not mandatory).