Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a dog?

57 replies

Unfitmother · 09/03/2008 16:13

DH ganged up on me with dcs today saying 'Mummy doesn't want a dog' when DD started pleading. She's 7 and DS is 10 so they won't be looking after it.
We have a smallish house and a tiny garden and both work full time.
DH says he'll look after it but I get up at 05:45 and leave the house at 06:30 while DH is still in bed. If we had a dog it would want feeding/walking/attention as soon as I got up. I also get home first with dcs so situation would be repeated at the end of the day.
I don't like animals, don't like dog poo and don't like the restrictions they will cause.
AIB selfish?

OP posts:
WiiMii · 09/03/2008 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chequers · 09/03/2008 17:55

Message withdrawn

Wisteria · 09/03/2008 17:55

LMAO - excellent

WiiMii · 09/03/2008 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elasticwoman · 09/03/2008 18:35

You pose a convincing argument Unfitdad, except that I think it IS an issue where one person should have a veto. I am swayed by your passionate promises to do all the work concerned but do you have any idea of the vet's bills? And a woman who works full time is justified in not wanting any more housework to be generated.

You say you wanted a dog b4 you were married. If you obtained dw's agreement at that stage, you might have a leg to stand on now, but it sounds like it's not what she signed up for.

soopermum1 · 09/03/2008 18:35

after hearing both sides, i still YANBU not wanting a dog. dogs need company and walks so i think they are only suitable for people who are around the house all day. 'tis not fair on the dog.

get a cat

Elasticwoman · 09/03/2008 18:39

Unfit dh is around, he works from home. (Devil's advocate speaks).

purpleduck · 09/03/2008 18:50

I loooove dogs, but they are a hell of alot of work. (the hoovering!!! All the time!!_

Don't get one if you are going to be gone all the time, and if you don't like them. Not fair on the furry ones.

How about a goat? It can do the gardening for you!!

WinkyWinkola · 09/03/2008 18:59

A dog is like having another child.

CountryGirl2007 · 09/03/2008 19:07

How about a compromise? Foster dogs. Sometimes they only need fostering for a few night or a week. All the fun of looking after the dog and having a dog around without the responsibility plus you are doing a good deed. Should keep DH and DC's happy until you are in a position to get a ''permanent'' dog.

Joash · 09/03/2008 19:10

totally reasonable. Our lovely doggie is now 14 years old. It is definately like having another child - but, more costly IMHO. Costs a fortune (kennels when we have to go anywhere, vets fees - yearly as well as any illnesses, etc - all increasing with her age). Have to clean kitchen carpet weekly (sometimes twice weekly){rented house} as it quickly pongs of dog, regardless of how many baths she has or doesnt have, daily walks essential 9whatever the weather), ours is a poo making machine (at least five times a day (only fed once)which means ideally having a seperate area just for the dog - so no poo where kids play, etc.
At this moment she actually has very loud and very smelly erm...WIND

foxinsocks · 09/03/2008 19:12

aah I loved having a dog but it must be hard if both of you work full time (even if you are at home now, it sounds like there's a possibility you won't be)

one of my friends is thinking about getting a dog and what they've been doing is looking after dogs for a company who place dogs in homes while the owners go on holiday (it's called Barking Mad - I'm not advertising, honest!). That way they've got a taste of what it will be like to have a dog and I think it's been quite a helpful process.

Lauriefairycake · 09/03/2008 19:47

Yanbu

and I have a dog

He is adorable but an enormous tie - you cannot leave them if they work all day, it is just cruel, dogs are pack animals

I love him and he fits my life at the moment but I will not be getting another one when he pops to doggie heaven

expatinscotland · 09/03/2008 22:00

I don't believe you, MrUnfitmother.

Sorry, but I don't.

DH is the type to say, 'Yeah, I'll get up' as well, but then I wind up having to nag him.

I think you should first prove yourself by dog sitting or fostering a dog, and then when you've shown you're fully into the routine of waking at 6AM, you might sway your wife.

But otherwise, I'm with Unfitmother.

rookiemater · 09/03/2008 22:10

YANBU. We almost ended up with my DHs dogs, stepdogs I guess you could call them, through a long and dull set of circumstances.

Everyone I spoke to who has dogs and young children and worked, said under no circumstances should we take the dogs. At an absolute minimum its hoovering at least 3 times per week before anything else. His sister was quite vocal and said they were more demanding than DCs.

DH is still keen. We have compromised on a labrador when we retire. I will be out at the Womens Institute (if it still exists then) all day anyway, so he can walk it and feed it.

pedilia · 10/03/2008 00:21

My brother always wanted a dog, SIL did not want one but brother dearest got one anyway. he soon got p***d off with having to walk it/clean shit out of the garden every day.
SIL would have nothing to do with it and it eventually started to cause real problems in their relationship, upshot was the dog had to go!
IMO not fair on the dog, while I understand your point Mr about one person not vetoing, this could stary causing real resentments within the house.

You can have my dog for a 6 week period to 'practice'

madamez · 10/03/2008 00:26

Pets are a PITA. Animals are only likable when accompanied by chips. If you must spand your days with something that farts, shits and eats everything then why not get married set up a dog-walking business?

expatinscotland · 10/03/2008 01:00

PMSL, madamez!

But you don't eat cats, do you?

On nights like this, I'd hate to be out walking the fucking dog.

Sometimes, when the girls are up at 5AM and whatnot because they're ill, I look out the window and see the poor bastards out there in a gale or pouring rain, walking the damn dog.

And I think, 'Their house is going to smell like wet dog, too, to add insult to injury.'

CountryGirl2007 · 10/03/2008 01:45

Personally, I enjoy walking the dogs no matter the weather and couldn't care less about the smell either (or lack thereof) to be honest, the smell of most perfumes/air fresheners are what make me feel queasy and suffocated.

MegaMindy · 10/03/2008 08:40

Sometimes we can't always get what we want. I would love a cat, but dh is allergic to cats(and he's even had his allergy proven by an allergy test), and I can't have one.

My dh would like a dog. I've said no way, so he's not having one.

We've compromised on a rabbit (which is actually very sweet and easy to look after).

FloriaTosca · 10/03/2008 09:17

I believe you Mr UM,and understand your desire for a dog but circumstances change over 15 yrs...my mother didnt want the dog, Dad, bro and I did, we begged, cajoled and promised...we finally got one (a lovely big energetic Dobermann) when I was 17 and kept our promises for a while; but within a year Dad fell through a roof and was left disabled, I went to Uni, and my bro got a girlfriend who took up all his spare time...Who got landed with the 6 miles walk a day? As well as clearing up tons of pine needle like hair every day? Yes, poor Mum, who didnt want him in the first place but bore the brunt of his care for the rest of his life. Not fair on her and not very fair on the dog either...
We managed to keep our dog but he got an infection when he was nine that cost us £2000 to cure and cost a further £1000 when he developed cancer 2 yrs later (this was 13 yrs ago, so increase by cost of inflation) and broke our hearts when he died. Please bear all this in mind when pressuring your DW...in the end it is usually the dog and the person who didnt want it in the first place who suffers.

madamez · 10/03/2008 11:20

Ds' dad occasionally threatens to buy DS a dog, luckily he is only teasing because I will not have a dog in the house. Can't anyway, oh dear how sad, this is a no-pets lease I don't actually understand why people have pets anyway, it's just more hassle for yourselves, smells, mess, vets bills for things that can't tell a decent joke and never stand their round.

Chequers · 10/03/2008 11:23

Message withdrawn

procrastinatingparent · 10/03/2008 11:35

Unfitmother - I'm in the same position as you, although my DH is not as determined as yours seems to be, partly because I think he is a bit more realistic about the commitment and cost involved and also because we have 4 kids and the house is chaos. I grew up with dogs and know how much hassle they are. I am also sceptical that my DH and DCs would pull their weight. And since I would bear the biggest burden for something I wouldn't get pleasure out of, I put my foot down. And when DH gets sad I just tell how much all my friends with pets are presently spending on vets bills and he goes off the idea for a bit.

Sorry MrUM but if all these comments haven't convinced you that your DW isn't being unreasonable then I think that you are being selfish to put your pleasure ahead of the massive inconvenience it will cause her.

expatinscotland · 10/03/2008 13:18

Honestly if my partner brought home a dog I would have utter FA to do with it.