To say no to a last minute request to pet sit for 4 months?

[Thyme80]

DSS is coming to live with us for 4 months, whilst his mum has made a last-minute decision to study in another part of the country. We are looking forward to having him full-time and getting quality time together but were given 2-weeks’ notice of her plans, and DSS goes to school 40km round trip away, so we’ve had to make a few changes to our routine to be able to get him to and from school. We’ve overall been flexible and supportive because we want the best for DSS. She is due to leave in 36 hours and we have now been asked to also take one of their family pets. The animal is exotic, so fairly low maintenance BUT we are on holiday for 3 weeks during the 4-month period, so will need to ask our pre-arranged house sitter if they will take on the extra responsibility. Frankly, I don’t want to muck them about and risk them turning around and saying they don’t want to house sit anymore due to us adding last minute responsibilities, leaving us stuck without a solution for DDog. It’s just another example in a long list of scenarios where DSS’s mum has dropped us in it at the last minute and I just don’t need the extra work. AIBU to say no?

I’d ask the house sitter, but offer a higher payment which the DSS’s mum can pay for. If the house sitter says no, then that’s your answer. Although tbh I wouldn’t want the damn thing anyway and think I’d say no.

I think for the sake of your sanity, you have to say no. And the sake of your electric bills! You have a 3 week holiday planned and DSS’s mum doesn’t have the monopoly on going away! You’re entitled to a break and she will have to accept that whilst you’re happy to have DSS, you can’t feasibly take on the exotic pet as well. It would be different if it was a hamster or Guinea pig, but lizard, snake, etc, requires the proper care, plus the heat lamps etc., so no. You wouldn’t be unreasonable at all. And I can’t fathom that anyone has absolutely no one else that they can ask, unless the mother is an orphan from single children whose parents were single children so no other family to ask. The other thing that strikes me is the timing! Did she deliberately leave it and give such short notice that she knew you couldn’t say no? Her pets are her problem, not yours! Not to mention that she would have had more than a couple of weeks notice about this studying and she should really have mentioned it earlier! She’s being a bit cheeky here.

Is it Dss’s pet or a family pet?

the mom’s parrot that she has had for decades? I would say no. The child’s lizard? I would have expected that to be coming with the child by default.

‘No thanks. I hate snakes/lizards/whatever and can’t bear the thought of one even being in my house.’

I think the house sitter is a red herring. If you ask they can say yes or no. It’s normal for pet care to be included in house sitting. It sounds like you just don’t want the pet. That’s ok though - you’re under no obligation.

For DSSs sake I’d take the pet if she likes it/it’s a family pet.

For DSS's sake I would ask the house sitter but tell them there's no pressure to agree. If they say no, you have your answer and DSS's mum can find care elsewhere.

I'd leave it to DSS's parent to worry about.

How many family pets do they have? And what's happening with the others? Has she explained why she's just suddenly realised that she doesn't want to take this one with her?

Yes this

The house sitter isn’t going to suddenly refuse to look after the dog, you can just explain and say no pressure.

Can't the mum take this pet with her to live?

Depends what the pet is. If it’s a snake then the housesitter may well refuse. Frankly it isn’t your problem. Let SS’s mother sort it.

Honestly I have NO idea what's happening with the other 2.
DH made a comment exotic pet #2 has been asked to be picked up with DSS. I don't want to have to go back to the sitters and say, oh by the way we now have a creature that gets fed prey food. I don't want to muck them about, at a risk that we seem unreliable. I've organised appropriate care for our pets, can't see why she can't.
Also I'd be nervous that Ddog, who has a huge prey drive may try to hunt it!!!

No way on this earth would that happen at my house!

Just say you're worried about it being with your dog. That should convince DSS it can't come.

No of course you're not being unreasonable to say no

Sounds to me like she's already taking advantage by leaving arrangements so late for care of DSS and expecting you to adapt to her needs.

She's doing it again with the pet. If you don't want it, say no.

"We're unable to look after the X. I hope you can find a pet sitter local to you who can"

I would say no.
I don’t know what the pet is but my step daughter asked for a snake for Christmas and her mother refused to let it into her house (yes, my partner is very irresponsible when it comes to spoiling his little girl). I now have a snake in my front room, the kid long lost interest in it. It only needs feeding once a week but it already affects our holiday plans as we can never leave for more than 10 days and there isn’t anyone willing to look after it. Avoid at all costs.

Absolutely not. It's hard enough that you've had to rearrange your lives because his mum has decided to bugger off for 4 months. Maybe it can be a life lesson to her that you can't just do what you like and expect everyone else to pick up your responsibilities.

I think of you agree her requests will just get more and more ridiculous.

I would just say: " Sorry, we can't have any exotic pets at this time. As you know, we have a 3 week holiday planned and have already sorted out pet care. Sadly we are unable to add exotic pets to this arrangement. "

Job done!

If you can easily afford extras like electricity and paying your house sitter then It’s ask them and if they aren’t comfortable with dealing with the pet just say - sorry, can’t help with the pet. Like a broken record.

Also I'd be nervous that Ddog, who has a huge prey drive may try to hunt it!!!

Perfect excuse right there!

his mum has made a last-minute decision to study in another part of the country.

Who does that?!

I would say no to the live-prey eating pet. Is it the step son’s? How old is he?

Is it dss's pet ? Or family pet? If family pet then say no. If dss's pet ie bought for him/stays in his room i would try and accomodate for his sake.

Heck no.

she takes the exotic pet with her, if she’s just moving within the same country.

If dss pet then I would take it and he can show everyone how to look after it .Ask your housesitter she might have experience as more folks do.kerp exotic pets. If not ask on local Facebook several people round here will do drop ins for feeding and cleaning . Good luck and enjoy your time together.