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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to a last minute request to pet sit for 4 months?

47 replies

Thyme80 · 25/10/2023 05:25

DSS is coming to live with us for 4 months, whilst his mum has made a last-minute decision to study in another part of the country. We are looking forward to having him full-time and getting quality time together but were given 2-weeks’ notice of her plans, and DSS goes to school 40km round trip away, so we’ve had to make a few changes to our routine to be able to get him to and from school. We’ve overall been flexible and supportive because we want the best for DSS. She is due to leave in 36 hours and we have now been asked to also take one of their family pets. The animal is exotic, so fairly low maintenance BUT we are on holiday for 3 weeks during the 4-month period, so will need to ask our pre-arranged house sitter if they will take on the extra responsibility. Frankly, I don’t want to muck them about and risk them turning around and saying they don’t want to house sit anymore due to us adding last minute responsibilities, leaving us stuck without a solution for DDog. It’s just another example in a long list of scenarios where DSS’s mum has dropped us in it at the last minute and I just don’t need the extra work. AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
ActDottie · 25/10/2023 09:18

ohdamnitjanet · 25/10/2023 05:32

I’d ask the house sitter, but offer a higher payment which the DSS’s mum can pay for. If the house sitter says no, then that’s your answer. Although tbh I wouldn’t want the damn thing anyway and think I’d say no.

This.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 25/10/2023 09:25

‘Exotic’ animals are not ‘pets’ IMHO. A pet is a domestic/ domesticated animal which has evolved to share human space in a mutually beneficial way. An animal which has to have special and different living conditions and be fed in a way which is outside normal domestic life is not a pet, it is a captive.

Except goldfish, of course, although they are better of in a pond.

BodegaSushi · 25/10/2023 09:29

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 25/10/2023 09:25

‘Exotic’ animals are not ‘pets’ IMHO. A pet is a domestic/ domesticated animal which has evolved to share human space in a mutually beneficial way. An animal which has to have special and different living conditions and be fed in a way which is outside normal domestic life is not a pet, it is a captive.

Except goldfish, of course, although they are better of in a pond.

Literally nothing to do with the OP's dilemma though. Or are you suggesting OP lecture the mother?

CalistoNoSolo · 25/10/2023 09:32

I already dislike this woman for having a caged creature she can't be arsed to care for. That's quite apart from dumping her child while she fucks off for four months (who does that?). I think you have to say no, and your dh should be having strong words with her about her responsibilities as a parent and as the owner of an exotic.

2jacqi · 25/10/2023 09:37

Honestly!! a last minute decision to study far from home leaving kid and pets!!! for four months????? What a horrid mum she is and so unfeeling towards her child! how to make your child feel unloved in one easy lesson!!

B12B12 · 25/10/2023 09:40

Does the pet belong to DSS? If so I think you have to take it. But consider rehoming if DSS is not bothered. If not she will have to make other arrangements.

For the holiday if the pet stays, the mum will have to arrange boarding (along with pick up and drop off) or an exotic pet sitter at her expense.

NancyJoan · 25/10/2023 09:41

Most exotic animal shops will take them in for a fee. She’ll have to do that.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/10/2023 11:04

Nope

mindutopia · 25/10/2023 11:10

What is the pet? I have kept 'exotic' pets - lizards, snakes and tarantulas. You don't say what sort of pet it is, but they are generally incredibly low maintenance, unless something really specialist that requires careful humidity control or specialist food. A tarantula or snake can go weeks without a feed, especially if well fed in advance. So if you are only away for a week or two, just give them water before you go and ask house sitter to keep an eye on it.

Or DSS could ask a friend from school who is keen to earn a bit of pocket money or just really loves whatever sort of pet it is. Or pet could go with mum for that period of time, if no other ways to sort.

Really, these are the things that parents have to contend with when parenting their children. This is your dh's son. It should be no issues for him to find a way to sort out care for a pet his son must care about, as his mum does presumably all the time right now. I think this is a non-issue really.

Angryappendix · 25/10/2023 11:17

I would say no and use the holiday as an excuse or yes but only while you’re not on holiday.

I wouldn’t want to leave the heater/light on in the tank for this exotic pet while I wasn’t there. I’d be worried about the pet and the risk of fire.

CandyLeBonBon · 25/10/2023 12:46

If it's lizards/snake I'd do it (but expect mum to pay for extra house sitter fees). If it's a chinchilla, I'd say a hard no as they're VERY high maintenance

BungalowBuyer · 25/10/2023 12:52

Have you asked the house sitter? May be a non problem.

Jaxhog · 25/10/2023 12:56

I would explain that DDog will eat it, if it lives at your house. Or just say no - I would.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 25/10/2023 13:07

What is the pet? Do you have experience in looking after it or is DSS old enough to take on that responsibility? How upset will he be if he can’t have his pet for 4 months?

Flyhigher · 25/10/2023 14:52

Say no.

Ifyoulikealotofchocolateonyourbiscuit · 25/10/2023 15:11

Definitely avoid the pet. She’s being very cheeky.

Eskimal · 28/10/2023 08:50

I think this woman needs to be on the receiving end of some boundaries. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. She puts her needs first - studying far away at the last minute, before thinking about her responsibilities.
it should be a hard no, the deal was to have your DSS, you don’t want that kind of pet in the house and you don’t want the responsibility.
You need to make the firm but polite decision. No need to offer reasons, she will hear them as opportunities to convince you it’ll all be fine. then let her find an alternative.

if she can’t find an alternative, she will send send the pet to you, don’t worry, I have had to deal with so many people like her over the years I can just envisage how it will play out.

CwmYoy · 28/10/2023 08:55

Just say no. You don't have to give reasons. Your house.

Mynewnameis · 28/10/2023 08:58

If it belongs to him it does seem a bit mean to say no. If it's her pet then different

Ibravedaflood · 28/10/2023 09:03

I would beware this isn't a tactic for dpet to live permanently with you post 4 months....

VickyEadieofThigh · 28/10/2023 09:09

Mynewnameis · 28/10/2023 08:58

If it belongs to him it does seem a bit mean to say no. If it's her pet then different

I couldn't tolerate a snake or lizard in my house for a day - it being DSS's pet wouldn't enable me to overcome that.

5YearsLeft · 28/10/2023 09:18

@Thyme80 definitely don’t use the pet sitter as the excuse. DSS’s mum will simply promise that she’ll get someone to come in and look in on the pet so your sitter doesn’t have to and then it will be one day before your vacation and will she have found anyone? Will she fuck.

Use an absolutely permanent reason, so you don’t get stuck with this pet for two days, two weeks, two months, or eternity. Tell her what you’ve said here about your dog’s prey instincts and that you won’t be responsible for him injuring and killing Pet. Hopefully this will close the door on the discussion.

If that doesn’t work, I recommend DSS’s mum get some medical scans, because it would seem that she has a brass neck.

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