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Original poster

Neighbour screaming at kids (and sounded like she hit them)

120 replies

storypushers · 24/10/2023 20:35

Just that really. Thin walls. We've heard plenty of shouting at kids and they will definitely have heard us. Tonight seemed different though. She sounded very out of control. Kids were crying, obviously distressed not just being 'naughty'. It sounds like she hit one of them (or both of them) a few times. (I think). Their crying got louder. She was shouting 'you've ruined another fucking night'. As I said just out of control. I know kids push buttons but it sounded far worse than the usual 'get to bed' 'put your shoes on' etc.
is this the kind of thing people report? Who would I even go to with this? Is this normal? Any advice?
For content she's late 20s and the kids are 8 and 6.

OP posts:
calmandcaffeinated · 24/10/2023 21:46

@ItsmeImtheproblem200 with all due respect, you need to do some safeguarding training, as whatever the case if you think something is wrong you report. Please never give this advice as you are putting children at risk by doing so.

rainbowsparkle28 · 24/10/2023 21:46

Yes. Contact police on 999 and urge that you want them to complete a welfare check and report to social services every time. It is everyone's responsibility if they are concerned.

FourNaanJeremy · 24/10/2023 21:50

chocolateloverr · 24/10/2023 21:39

I would speak to her. Assumptions are not facts. I've been in a similar situation. My girls are 2.5 and they will cry hysterically if they're told off/put on time out/ etc. My neighbours actually spoke to my landlord and we had to explain that there's two children. So you're assuming you're constantly hearing one but in actual fault it's alternating between them both.

Sometimes I think assumptions can really get people in trouble and from my experience I would have preferred if my neighbour simply knocked on my door and expressed her concerns. I could then present her with facts and ease her mind. People put 2+2 together and get 5

Parenting is absolutely exhausting and I think we will never know someone's situation

Have a talk with her and explain you're concerns
Then say if it does continue escalating
You'll have to take matters further

It’s not a neighbour’s job to investigate possible child abuse. It’s everyone’s responsibility to report concerns they have for a child (and this incident has concerned the OP). Report it and let the professionals (whose job it is) investigate. You might be wrong, but god forbid you are right.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 24/10/2023 21:50

heartbroken22 · 24/10/2023 21:08

Have a word with her and create a diary. No point reporting and her kids getting taken away because you thought she may have hit a child. Again what makes you think she did?

Her kids will NOT be taken away on the basis of one report, that's ridiculous - otherwise malicious reports would be made all the time! The threshold for children to be removed is very very high.

However it does help if there's a pattern emerging and others have concerns.

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/10/2023 21:51

As the former child who was indeed taking a beating, regularly, plus horrible emotional abuse, verbal abuse etc..

Please tell someone.

If you're wrong, GREAT, no harm done. If you're right and you do nothing.... mm.

Bobbob2015 · 24/10/2023 21:52

I’m going to go against the grain and ask what’s your general perception of the household. When you’re neighbours with thin walls you hear lots. Do you hear happy and normal family noise? What made you think one of the children has been hit and does she regularly sound out of control?

Yes we all have a responsibility to safeguard children but as a neighbour you can usually build a pretty accurate picture of the household and family dynamics. I say this as someone on the receiving end of a similar report. Everything was closed very quickly after I received a phone call from children’s services to check everything was ok but receiving that phone call was one of the worst experiences of my life, as was knowing that my neighbour thought I was capable of harming my children. My children’s school was contacted to check if they had any concerns (they didn’t) my home no longer felt like my own, I no longer feel I can discipline my children and I live in fear of that report being on record forever. I wish my neighbour had spoken to me to check everything was ok, as nothing was the way it had been briefly interpreted. Although nothing came of the report, the impact it has had on me and still does is huge. Absolutely report if you feel the children are at risk but assess all the information carefully. Do you really think the children were hit or is there another likely scenario? My child was screaming as they’d been asked to go upstairs while they calmed down, the intensity of their reaction was interpreted as me hitting my child. I wish my neighbour had talked to me first. If you feel the children are at risk of harm absolutely report but assess the situation carefully based on all the information you have. The ramifications of not reporting can be huge, I know that but it’s easy to say to err on the side of caution and always report if you have the slightest concern, as nothing will happen unless the children are actually at risk but the ramifications of reporting incorrectly can still be huge, even when a report is closed before it’s properly opened. The impact this scenario has had on me and our household has been huge and long lasting. In your situation if it was a small concern I’d monitor carefully and report if I had further concerns.

heartsinvisiblefury · 24/10/2023 21:53

heartbroken22 · 24/10/2023 21:08

Have a word with her and create a diary. No point reporting and her kids getting taken away because you thought she may have hit a child. Again what makes you think she did?

You're basically implying someone calls the police with things they've overheard and then that person has their child taken away! Have you heard about investigation work/evidence etc? Or are you just being ridiculous?

WandaWonder · 24/10/2023 21:53

You call 999 it is simple

Mydogmybestfriend · 24/10/2023 23:42

Report it but make out it's someone who saw her screaming at them from the school rather than home because it's just going to start issues with neighbours and her trying to find who it is

MigGirl · 25/10/2023 00:27

ItsmeImtheproblem200 · 24/10/2023 21:10

What a heartbreaking, deeply affecting accusation to make based off assumptions.

A diary is a much better idea, we don’t report Mums for shouting at their kids once in a while.

Show quote history

They wouldn't take the kids off a parent for one reported incident.

But it may school have already noticed something wrong. These things add up to a bigger picture. Not reporting incidents is where things can go terribly wrong.

It is what you are trained to do if you work with children in any way. We were even told about reporting things seen outside of school. It's everyone's responsibility to safeguard children.

solice84 · 25/10/2023 06:29

I'm with @Bobbob2015 on this one tbh
You really don't know what actually happened and you could cause more harm than good
I'm a reluctant single parent and the mental toll is hard for me right now. Anyone would have thought my 4yo was being murdered last night after he tore a picture he'd been drawing . Absolute shrieking hysterics
If someone reported me right now it might be enough to finish me off

tiredinoratia · 25/10/2023 06:34

Sounds like she had an awful day. Where is the dad? Any chance you could offer her a friendly ear and check in with her like a kind compassionate human...

Flipflopflopflip · 25/10/2023 06:42

Please report it. If everyone reported such issues where they had real and true concerns about child welfare we, hopefully, wouldn't have so many horrific child abuse cases in the news.
If you're wrong and there's nothing untoward then so be it but you can rest easy knowing if there had been abuse you'd have been the one to help stop it.
I wouldn't hesitate to report. 8 and 6 years old..who do they have caring for them and loving them if not their own parents. Plus it's half term so if they are being abused there is no respite of going to school.

Autumny · 25/10/2023 06:45

I also think you did the right thing reporting if you think the children were being hit. The police had to visit a couple we lived beside because they were screaming around their child, let alone towards the child.

I'd think a report might be useful in gaining some parenting education and support for the poster whose landlord got involved with their screaming 2-year-old toddlers who are getting told off and put in time out.

Robinbuildsbears · 25/10/2023 06:56

Bit of a tangent, but I thought it was still legal in England to hit your child? Not saying it's okay obviously, but at what point does it turn into illegal abuse?

Gnomegnomegnome · 25/10/2023 07:02

Well done for reporting it. Those that would wait are the reason that so many people get away with it for so long.

Puncturedbicycle85 · 25/10/2023 07:24

solice84 · 25/10/2023 06:29

I'm with @Bobbob2015 on this one tbh
You really don't know what actually happened and you could cause more harm than good
I'm a reluctant single parent and the mental toll is hard for me right now. Anyone would have thought my 4yo was being murdered last night after he tore a picture he'd been drawing . Absolute shrieking hysterics
If someone reported me right now it might be enough to finish me off

Im guessing that you weren’t screaming and swearing at him though. It’s not the kids crying or screaming that’s a concern - it’s the mum screaming back at them.

Lynz32 · 25/10/2023 07:24

Please ignore all the idiots who say you are overreacting and that you don't need to report it. I work in child health and this is the kind of thing that you absolutely do need to report. If you think a child has been physically assaulted by their parent then you call 999 to call the police and that's it.

Lynz32 · 25/10/2023 07:27

Bobbob2015 · 24/10/2023 21:52

I’m going to go against the grain and ask what’s your general perception of the household. When you’re neighbours with thin walls you hear lots. Do you hear happy and normal family noise? What made you think one of the children has been hit and does she regularly sound out of control?

Yes we all have a responsibility to safeguard children but as a neighbour you can usually build a pretty accurate picture of the household and family dynamics. I say this as someone on the receiving end of a similar report. Everything was closed very quickly after I received a phone call from children’s services to check everything was ok but receiving that phone call was one of the worst experiences of my life, as was knowing that my neighbour thought I was capable of harming my children. My children’s school was contacted to check if they had any concerns (they didn’t) my home no longer felt like my own, I no longer feel I can discipline my children and I live in fear of that report being on record forever. I wish my neighbour had spoken to me to check everything was ok, as nothing was the way it had been briefly interpreted. Although nothing came of the report, the impact it has had on me and still does is huge. Absolutely report if you feel the children are at risk but assess all the information carefully. Do you really think the children were hit or is there another likely scenario? My child was screaming as they’d been asked to go upstairs while they calmed down, the intensity of their reaction was interpreted as me hitting my child. I wish my neighbour had talked to me first. If you feel the children are at risk of harm absolutely report but assess the situation carefully based on all the information you have. The ramifications of not reporting can be huge, I know that but it’s easy to say to err on the side of caution and always report if you have the slightest concern, as nothing will happen unless the children are actually at risk but the ramifications of reporting incorrectly can still be huge, even when a report is closed before it’s properly opened. The impact this scenario has had on me and our household has been huge and long lasting. In your situation if it was a small concern I’d monitor carefully and report if I had further concerns.

Edited

It's not up to the OP to investigate it and be a social worker. All she has to do is report the incident and if it ends up being nothing then that is for social services to investigate.

I'm sorry you had a tough time with a false report but you don't know how people who are genuinely abusing their children would react if a neighbour came and spoke to them. They might be all nice and apologetic to the neighbour's face but as soon as the door is closed start smacking their kids about again. I work in children's health so believe me I've seen it all.

Puncturedbicycle85 · 25/10/2023 07:28

Also I’m guessing that if this was a couple and the man was screaming and apparently hitting the woman, nobody would hesitate to call the police. But when it’s a much smaller vulnerable person, it’s okay because everyone loses it sometimes, right? Odd logic really.

Anyflippingname · 25/10/2023 07:30

TheMoth · 24/10/2023 21:00

On safeguarding courses you're always told to report. You're not the one who needs to join the dots, but your report might help someone else join them. And if it's nothing at all, then there's nothing lost.

This is spot on.

musicalfrog · 25/10/2023 07:37

JFC I can't believe the number of people on here who wouldn't report and are actively encouraging OP not to report, despite her obvious concerns.

It's not a neighbour's job to help a family in need. People have their own things going on and do not always have the time or skill to help effectively. The authorities can do that, but only if they know there is a problem.

No wonder children end up dead on the news if this is the prevailing attitude.

Absolutely disgusted.

MariaVT65 · 25/10/2023 07:43

Well done for reporting it OP :)

If it’s so loud you can hear it through walls, potentially try recording it on your phone if it happens again?

fuckssaaaaake · 25/10/2023 07:46

It can't harm to log but yesterday when my kids were crying it got louder when I threw away the thing they had been fighting over whilst telling them off for hitting each other with it. Just saying, when you can't see you have no idea and can form a picture of anything in your head

SíDoMhamóí · 25/10/2023 07:55

No don't report. Jesus the people on this thread.