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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tricky in law situation

51 replies

whyisswangnotaword · 23/10/2023 19:28

Long tricky history with the in laws, very up and down relationship, always feel like we are walking on eggshells.
They want our daughter overnight for Halloween. In other words, they want her to have a sleepover at their house after they take her trick or treating.
Whilst we are not fond of interacting with them very often (we keep them at arms length) our daughter would really enjoy this as her aunty isn't too much older than her, and they like spending time together.
Here's the issue, last time she stayed overnight, she came home the next day and was in tears for a good portion of the day, due to having her legs absolutely covered in flea bites! It disrupted her sleep the next night and was generally causing her discomfort and pain.
I know they have not combatted this issue since. (They have many cats and a dog. They have learnt to live with it)
When they came to us a couple of weeks ago, I saw the state of DP's sisters legs and they are red raw and scabbed with bites all up to her knees.
I know they will have an issue and push for a reason if we say she can only go for the day.
But would I be unreasonable to tell them the truth, and prevent her from sleeping over??

OP posts:
Farcis · 23/10/2023 19:30

Absolutely not! And remind your DD of what happened last time!

Just tell them!

marmitegirl01 · 23/10/2023 19:30

Does she not have school next day? There's yr excuse unless under 5

Original poster
whyisswangnotaword · 23/10/2023 19:31

marmitegirl01 · 23/10/2023 19:30

Does she not have school next day? There's yr excuse unless under 5

She is nearly 5, it's half term here unfortunately otherwise that would be the excuse !

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/10/2023 19:31

Why the hell would you even entertain the idea of her going there. Remind your dd about last time and tell them the truth. Did you not say anything last time?

Whataretheodds · 23/10/2023 19:32

Absolutely not. Why would you send her back to be bitten again?

Original poster
whyisswangnotaword · 23/10/2023 19:32

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/10/2023 19:31

Why the hell would you even entertain the idea of her going there. Remind your dd about last time and tell them the truth. Did you not say anything last time?

They've sadly asked in front of our daughter (which I don't think is fair, so she is pestering me about going)
We didn't mention it, as they get very offended and we stupidly try and keep the peace in the family

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 23/10/2023 19:33

She'll get bitten however long she's there for, the longer the time the more bites she'll get.

So really you should stop going there until they've sorted the issue & are regularly defleaing their pets.

sprigatito · 23/10/2023 19:33

This is a no-brainer. She absolutely cannot stay there; it's not a suitable environment for a child. I would also be reporting them to SS and the RSPCA, the revolting, negligent scumbags.

Justcallmebebes · 23/10/2023 19:35

Of course not. Why would you put your v young child in a situation where she'll be bitten to death by fleas? I can't understand why you would consider this this, let alone have to ask the opinion of a public forum

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 19:37

You're being silly. Just say no, sorry, last time DD got covered in flea bites and was upset for a day.

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 19:38

And your partner, their child, should tell them if you're too scared to

cansu · 23/10/2023 19:39

Tell them the truth. She would love it and I would be saying yes except fir the fact that the pets have fleas and she has been bitten many times the last time she visited. If you decide to do something about this then let me know in the future.

GabriellaMontez · 23/10/2023 19:39

I can't believe you're even considering it.

spidermonkeys · 23/10/2023 19:45

They wound be a very very short reply from me.

'No, she was flea bitten last time'
Simple.

Obviously you can't consider this.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 23/10/2023 19:46

Thats disgusting. I say that as a lifelong pet owner who has had problems with fleas in the past. I can be tricky to get rid completely, but not that hard.

I wouldn't let DD stay overnight if I were you. In fact I probably would limit visits and tell them why too. Those poor animals too!!

Turnthelightoff · 23/10/2023 19:47

Sorry the flea bites hurt her too much last time. If they push back saying fleas dealt with you bring up their daughter.

Original poster
whyisswangnotaword · 23/10/2023 19:53

Thank you all, of course you are all saying what I am thinking here. My partner feels the same also.
I just wanted some outside opinions, as I have seen many views on flea issues in the past which are met with comments such as "oh it's not their fault" "they can't help it" "you shouldn't scrutinise them for something like this" etc.
the obvious answer is to not let her go / stay.
Thanks again

OP posts:
towriteyoumustlive · 23/10/2023 19:56

It was really wrong of them to ask in front of your DD!

I'd let her go trick or treating with them but absolutely not staying over night if she got bitten badly last time!

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 19:57

whyisswangnotaword · 23/10/2023 19:53

Thank you all, of course you are all saying what I am thinking here. My partner feels the same also.
I just wanted some outside opinions, as I have seen many views on flea issues in the past which are met with comments such as "oh it's not their fault" "they can't help it" "you shouldn't scrutinise them for something like this" etc.
the obvious answer is to not let her go / stay.
Thanks again

Really? Who are these people letting their kids get eaten by fleas?

xyz111 · 23/10/2023 19:58

Nope, would never send my child there!! You don't want to bring an infestation back to your house

Mischance · 23/10/2023 20:03

Say no, tell the in laws why, and take DD out for some fun.
You may have to explain to your DD that you do not want her getting bitten.

Basilton · 23/10/2023 20:03

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 19:57

Really? Who are these people letting their kids get eaten by fleas?

Show quote history

My parents are one example. Always had cats in the house, never bothered to flea treat them or really take any care beyond feed them. They had four children who were constantly being bitten by fleas. My sisters legs were still scarred into adulthood from the bites and subsequent scratching.

One of the many reasons, I consider my parents to have been abusive / unfit parents.

So OP, no of course you don’t send your daughter there. Tell them straight that you will not be subjecting your child to fleas.

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 20:05

Basilton · 23/10/2023 20:03

My parents are one example. Always had cats in the house, never bothered to flea treat them or really take any care beyond feed them. They had four children who were constantly being bitten by fleas. My sisters legs were still scarred into adulthood from the bites and subsequent scratching.

One of the many reasons, I consider my parents to have been abusive / unfit parents.

So OP, no of course you don’t send your daughter there. Tell them straight that you will not be subjecting your child to fleas.

Show quote history

Blimey. I'm so sorry - that's awful

Randomworkmoan · 23/10/2023 20:10

Yabu if you even allow her go for the day. Wtf is wrong with you? Why would you not say "no, dd won't be going to your house at all, last time she came back covered in flea bites dirty fuckers so no she will not be going over"

Original poster
whyisswangnotaword · 23/10/2023 20:12

Randomworkmoan · 23/10/2023 20:10

Yabu if you even allow her go for the day. Wtf is wrong with you? Why would you not say "no, dd won't be going to your house at all, last time she came back covered in flea bites dirty fuckers so no she will not be going over"

I appreciate that, I honestly feel the same way. It was more about getting other opinions as a lot of people do say it is unfair to penalise people over their animals having fleas.
We've had and dealt with it in the past, easily. So I know it is doable , to get rid of them. They just won't.
It is sadly and stupidly going to cause a big family rift. That's just how they are unfortunately

OP posts:
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