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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you?

72 replies

thunderlump · 23/10/2023 18:27

Would you judge a mother who was sat in a pub, early afternoon, having a wine and reading a book while she had a infant with her?

OP posts:

Ted27 · 23/10/2023 19:24

@Gerrataere

Maybe it wasn't a random afternoon for her, could have been her birthday or an anniversary.
Maybe because of other commitments its the only day she could have a small indulgence

UsingChangeofName · 23/10/2023 19:25

Yes, I'd very much judge them if they were ignoring the child and just reading their book.

If it were a sleeping baby, then I'd think, 'fair play'.

Gerrataere · 23/10/2023 19:28

Ted27 · 23/10/2023 19:24

@Gerrataere

Maybe it wasn't a random afternoon for her, could have been her birthday or an anniversary.
Maybe because of other commitments its the only day she could have a small indulgence

May well have been but the question is would I have judged on a glance, and I’ve answered honestly. Truthfully this whole situation feels a bit ‘middle class privilege’, if it was an unemployed mother cracking open a Stella in her back garden at 2pm before getting the kids from school, toddler having a nap indoors, I’m pretty sure people would be very judgmental. But since it’s a nice pub, with a book, with a glass of wine, it’s romanticising the situation .

Username620 · 23/10/2023 19:28

I think I’d rather someone had a quiet glass of wine in the pub than hitting a whole bottle at home with a small child. I’ve done it in the past with DD.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 23/10/2023 19:28

I wouldn't judge but I would wonder why you'd head out to the pub to do that. I would have thought it would be much more comfy to read & have a few drinks at home on the couch.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 19:37

NotSuchASmugMarried · 23/10/2023 18:41

Yes I would. How would they get the child to hospital if they've been drinking.

Gosh you'd really judge me
I can't drive a car even when I'm sober.
If my kids ever need hospital I make them walk the 4 miles and they not allowed bandages or tourniquets either.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 19:37

WhatFlavourIsIt · 23/10/2023 19:28

I wouldn't judge but I would wonder why you'd head out to the pub to do that. I would have thought it would be much more comfy to read & have a few drinks at home on the couch.

Because the baby will wake up of you take it home.

Ted27 · 23/10/2023 19:39

@WhatFlavourIsIt

I'm not a drinker really, I inhabit tea shops on a frequent basis.
When I adopted my son who was 8 at the time, I often went out with him to cafes. He would have a sticker book, I had the newspaper.
Yes I could have sat at home and done that but there were many times that going out to a space with other people in it made me feel vaguely human for at least an hour, it broke up what could be very long tedious days.

WonderingWanda · 23/10/2023 19:43

No different from when I used to sit with a coffee and a book once I'd walked for 2hrs to get dc1 to sleep. Only reason it was coffee and not wine was because I would have fallen asleep with a glass of wine in my exhausted state.

MyCircumference · 23/10/2023 19:45

i expect i would ,
how old is the infant

Gwenhwyfar · 23/10/2023 19:47

WhatFlavourIsIt · 23/10/2023 19:28

I wouldn't judge but I would wonder why you'd head out to the pub to do that. I would have thought it would be much more comfy to read & have a few drinks at home on the couch.

That's like asking why anybody goes to the pub at all isn't it if you think it's better to stay home on the sofa.

As well as liking a change of scene, maybe they were on their way home/to somewhere.

suzukili22 · 23/10/2023 19:54

Pretty normal where I live to see sleeping babies in beer gardens. Much more relaxed way of life.

Fairymother · 23/10/2023 19:56

This takes me back 10 years! DS would only nap in the pram. So i would take a walk with him, sometimes to the park and sometimes to the pub and sit outside in the sun drinking a glass of white wine while slowly pushing the pram back and forth. So relaxing!
DD was a whole other story! I think she felt it when i relaxed and woke up instantly 😄

PosyPrettyToes · 23/10/2023 20:00

When DS was about 1 he fell asleep in the pushchair on the way to soft play when we were almost there. Soft play is next to a nice cafe/bar and it was a lovely sunny day so I thought fuck it, why not. Sat in the sun and had a lovely glass of wine, some olives, pitta and houmous and read a trashy detective novel. It was bloody lovely! Not long after, DS was diagnosed with quite profound SEN and parenting has been an increasingly hard slog ever since, so I look back with fondness on my unexpected little win of an afternoon now!

TeaGinandFags · 23/10/2023 20:05

NotSuchASmugMarried · 23/10/2023 18:41

Yes I would. How would they get the child to hospital if they've been drinking.

Why would the kid go to hospital?

A babe in arms is legally allowed to go into a pub, despite the fact they never stand a round. Dads do it with no ill effects, why not mums?

Takacupokindnessyet · 23/10/2023 20:07

Lots of reasons why someone might have a drink in a pub rather than at home, home there might be chores to do etc. that would ruin the atmosphere, maybe there are workmen in the house stopping baby sleeping, maybe oh is on an important online meeting at home so keeping baby out of house, maybe she is waiting for someone, so many possibilities....
If you know someone is there everyday or getting blind drunk, then I'd be concerned for the child's welfare but with an isolated drink they're is nothing to judge.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 23/10/2023 20:10

Not at all, unless the baby was making a lot of noise, in which case she should take it outside.

coxesorangepippin · 23/10/2023 20:11

Probably

justjeansandanicetop · 23/10/2023 20:33

NotSuchASmugMarried · 23/10/2023 18:41

Yes I would. How would they get the child to hospital if they've been drinking.

Why would the child need to go to hospital?

Or do you mean nobody should have a glass of wine ever, just in case somebody needs to be taken to hospital at some point?

Laiste · 23/10/2023 20:40

Would people feel any differently if she was sitting with an infant on a park bench drinking a bottle of White Lightening cider in the early afternoon?

momtoboys · 23/10/2023 20:41

I would wonder why I didn't do the same thing!

Nowherenew · 23/10/2023 20:43

Laiste · 23/10/2023 20:40

Would people feel any differently if she was sitting with an infant on a park bench drinking a bottle of White Lightening cider in the early afternoon?

Yes definitely.

Theres a big difference between a glass of wine and entire bottle of something.

And anyone drinking on a park bench would imply they have an alcohol problem and so I’d think the same if they had an infant.

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