SEN: Aibu to think SAR request at school will finally kill off working relationship

[MildredTheSnitch]

I have an 11 year old Year 6 boy and had some recent meetings which were unpleasant. School suggested they could refer me to Early Help, which is unnecessary in my opinion. I felt they bullied me, have parent blamed me & haven’t provided sufficient information on the adjustments they are making for my anxious autistic son.

Specialist advisor has advised me to put in a subject access request.

I’ve been working hard to have a good relationship with school.

Aibu to think that a Subject access request will result in the staff/school despising me?

Has anyone done this and in a position to know?

It sounds like the working relationship has already been ruined (by their actions).

It doesn't matter whether the school staff despise you. You are not there to be their friends, you are there to advocate f9r your DS. As long as you do that politely and reasonably then it's fine. Make the SAR request and don't feel bad about it.

It doesn't matter whether the school staff despise you. You are not there to be their friends, you are there to advocate f9r your DS.

This, they don’t need to like you, they do need to work with you and setting a clear boundary for yourself and standing your ground might actually improve things, because they’ll take you seriously.

I’m totally happy to be that parent if it means my child’s needs get met. I’d rather do it nicely in collaboration with the school, but I’ll do it the hard way if need be.

Squeaky wheels get the oil.

The Early Help paperwork and process is actually quite time- consuming for school staff (at least it is in my area) so we offer it in order to access extra support for children and families, not to be difficult. If you don't want it you can decline but they are not doing anything wrong by suggesting it. External agencies like CAMHS will often put pressure on schools to open an Early Help rather than offering a specialist service themselves IME, so may not even have been the schools idea.

You have every right to make a SAR. They do create extra work for staff, but that's not the parents problem and I certainly wouldn't despise anyone for doing it.

I agree - do it. But make sure you research the process first (if you don't already know about it), ensure the request is worded carefully, and keep an eye on the timeframe. I had to do a SAR for my SEN son.

What do you hope to gain from it?

From the little detail provided it sounds like something you might want to save for later.

Having been that parent.. your relationship with them is already in the bin.

Now is the time to switch into power mode. You are your sons one and only advocate, so advocate, and do what you need to do. Be polite, but don't give them any wiggle room.

What's the problem with accessing Early Help? It's there to, you know - help.

If it helps, I am chair of governors at a school and I put a SAR in for one of my children! Nobody batted an eyelid, it was sent to me as requested and no-one has mentioned it since.

Sometimes you need to know what is going on in the background and you need the whole picture - this is a really good way to get that. Then you can plan your next steps.

If they are a good school, they will understand. If not, it doesn't matter!

What is wrong with them accessing early help? That sounds like them being proactive and trying to unlock more support for you.

Who is telling you to do a SAR report? A specialist teacher or someone from IPSEA/sendiass? Someone you are paying? What do you hope this will show?

Two sides to a story and the truth is somewhere in the middle. You can do a SAR however - safeguarding information does not have to be disclosed under a SAR. This is legal protection for the child and is exempt.

It won't necessarily reveal anything but you are right the relationship will be an issue. It also sounds like you dislike them suggesting you need to do something differently.

So you're asking them for help, they've referred for help and you're annoyed?
Do you feel there is stigma in the help being Early Help?

For what reason do you want yo do a SAR? The time spent on that will be time not spent on children in the school.

I have done one by the way. It didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. Looking back I was cross with the school but it wasn't their fault. My dd was inappropriately placed and I should have seen that earlier and acted more quickly to find a more suitable placement. Instead I focused on what I felt they were doing wrong when in fact they were doing their best to meet the needs of a child who should have been in a specialist school. This may not be the case for you but I see it all the time.

Why on earth have you rejected early help? The support workers I've met through that have been lovely and really, really helpful for me and my kids.
It's really stupid of you to raise your hackles and refuse help because you think you're perfect. And now you want to tie the school up in a sar request. Honestly words fail.

A SAR takes a lot of staff time so this takes them away from other jobs and from working with other vulnerable children. This has been the case in my school.

Think hard about what you are expecting to get from it. Is there is something specific you think you need in order to be able to advocate effectively for your child then by all means go ahead. It is very important that you advocate for your child. However, you could just say, please may I have the provision map for my child and details of all adjustments that have been put in place for him. See what you get from that then have a think about your next step.

As PPs have said, what do you want to get from the SAR? We get them quite often at my school and they take a lot of time to redact. Apart from your child's name they can redact anything that identifies other people so there is often not much left that is any help.

A family reflecting FEH is a red flag. Although they are not always very effective, I have found that if you start refusing help then you are offered less help. I se this from both sides as I am a school leader and an SEN parent.

i would imagine the op wants to know what is being said about her and her child where she can't see it, seeing how they've been so rude in front of her.

I didn't do a SAR, but i did make a formal complaint after the Deputy Head called my sons autism a 'difference' and tried to say his meltdowns were a behavioural choice, and blamed it on my being a bad parent.

He was made to formally apologise and sent on some Autism training.

Why have you refused Early help? You might get more help/support from them for what your son needs in school. It is sometimes good to have others who you can talk to away from school who will then go back to the school to discuss what is needed. Have you asked for copies if all his files? Or do you think there is stuff they won't give you without the SAR?

You’d be nuts to turn down Early Help. It can come with funding.

In what way were the meetings unpleasant?

She hasn't described anything "so rude" they've said to her.

"I felt they bullied me, have parent blamed me"

I'd say that's pretty rude.