SEN: Aibu to think SAR request at school will finally kill off working relationship

[MildredTheSnitch]

I have an 11 year old Year 6 boy and had some recent meetings which were unpleasant. School suggested they could refer me to Early Help, which is unnecessary in my opinion. I felt they bullied me, have parent blamed me & haven’t provided sufficient information on the adjustments they are making for my anxious autistic son.

Specialist advisor has advised me to put in a subject access request.

I’ve been working hard to have a good relationship with school.

Aibu to think that a Subject access request will result in the staff/school despising me?

Your son is starting at a new secondary school next September. You will build a completely new relationship with next school. Your next school will know by reputation/experience whether your current school is good or not dealing with special needs children. I would definitely take "Early Help" assistance - with a calm attitude of "What can you do to help my son and family?". You have a year to trial and review. I'd ask for SAR next summer after you've engaged with Early Help. Next September is a completely new start where you can engage with next school and say - We've engaged. It was or was not helpful. These needs were or were not met. Seriously, the most support any individual will get is when they are at school. Don't let a personality conflict with an overly pompous teacher get in the way of accessing specialists who will go out of their way to support your child. You get to decide what is best for your son. But you're in such a great position in Year 6. The "interference" naturally ends next summer or you could ask for further assistance at next school. There's no down side for you.

Just to be clear, I'm not parent blaming. Just amazed at all the support two of my friends have had with their autistic sons. One of whom is currently at university (normally) and one is on a supported apprenticeship scheme learning skills to be independent. They're both nice young men. But their behaviour at junior school was - screaming melt downs, refusing to go into class, hitting out physically, disruptive in class. They engaged and took all the help, including free taxis to school for one (?). It's not about your parenting, it's about finding skilled professionals who know how to communicate and make a positive difference in your son's life. Once you engage, you will find professional advocates to help speak on behalf of your son's needs to schools. You won't feel so on your own and "bullied".

I would definitely take "Early Help" assistance - with a calm attitude of "What can you do to help my son and family?". You have a year to trial and review.

While Early Help can be useful the OP says her child needs additional support at school and the school won’t tell her what, if anything, they’ve put in place. Referring to Early Help suggests they think the issue is a parenting one and doesn’t address her concerns about his support needs at school. It can be a way of deflecting attention away from the school and their duty to offer additional support where it’s needed.

I wouldn’t let that lie for a year, while my child struggled in school, by the time the “new start” rolls around he may be school refusing, his mental health seriously impacted and his start at high school compromised. Early Help is also an intrusion into her family life which may or may not be welcome or warranted.

I’d do a SAR to see the detail of the referral to Early Help, the basis on which that referral was made and to establish what supports were being provided in school, since the school won’t tell her.

I made multiple SAR requests when I was going through SEND tribunals for my DS. I definitely uncovered lots of information that hadn't been shared with me, and it was useful for the appeals as well as DLA applications, and also for a more general understanding of how my DS and I were perceived by professionals. I had solicitors involved and for me it was just a tool that I was legally entitled to use in an evidence-gathering exercise. The impact on my relationship with the school and other institutions was not a concern, it's a statutory duty. I did have issues with one NHS institution but they are infamous for cover-ups and legally I had the right to the information so they had to provide it.

You will never know what is in the files until you receive them and there might be useful information in there. If there isn't then it hasn't cost you anything so no reason not to.

@karotene i know this is a bit of an old thread but can I ask what SARs you made? So far I have only asked for behaviour management system information but I’m thinking now of what else might be useful. Thank you.

Have you met with the school to discuss your DS’s learning plan?