Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was unreasonable?

45 replies

Batteriesnotincluded1 · 23/10/2023 07:46

Bit of context first, I am a full time carer for my DS who is disabled, therefore I do not work.
I have a hobby that I thoroughly enjoy when he's at school. My ND daughter also enjoys this hobby with me.
My son has broken up for half term (2 weeks) so the next fortnight I will be pretty much stuck at home caring for DS.

I don't normally partake in said hobby on weekends but my daughter does, on Sunday, I asked my husband if he'd mind me popping out with my daughter to said hobby as half term coming up. He was fine with this, I was there for 4 hours. I text and asked him if he'd mind cooking our son some pasta as it was getting on for 4pm and that's his normal tea time, to receive a reply of 'really'. I said is that OK? We are leaving shortly, he replied with 'bit out of order'. I was quite angry at the response so made a hurry home. We walked in at just after 5pm, he was fuming because his tea wasn't ready and he was hungry, and he goes to bed at 8pm. And how that whilst he doesn't begrudge me my hobby I have all week to do it. He reminded me that I haven't worked for 16 years.
I explained that it was a one off and I don't normally go weekends. He plays golf on Saturdays and is out 10am till 4/5pm and I reminded him of that, his response was 'It's my one day off a week'.
I actually felt like a child on a curfew, beholden to my husband's dinner times. It's not like I stayed out partying till 1am. I just feel very upset about this and wondered what others thoughts were.

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 23/10/2023 07:49

Obviously, your excuse of a husband is a complete dick.

Fromage · 23/10/2023 07:50

Er, your husband is fuming he has had to look after his child for a few hours?

Who was fuming about dinner not being ready and had an 8pm bedtime, your son or your dh?

DustyRhodesYell · 23/10/2023 07:51

He is massively BU. Ask him if he'd like to swap roles, be semi serious. Do you really want to be with this man who expects you to do everything and also begrudge you a bit of time just with your daughter, whilst he has quality time with his son?

Melodysmum12 · 23/10/2023 07:51

Wtf your son is his child too? Weekends should be shared, especially if you look after him all week on your own. What an absolute pig.

junbean · 23/10/2023 07:52

He thinks it's out of order to give his child food? WTF

Original poster
Batteriesnotincluded1 · 23/10/2023 07:53

My husband was angry that he'd be having his dinner late, he was caring for our son. My son has a 9pm bedtime, I am up way past my husband's bedtime most evenings bathing and settling our son.

OP posts:
NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 23/10/2023 07:55

What a knob! I would demand a day off per week too.

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/10/2023 07:55

YANBU, I can't believe your husband thinks it's acceptable to be out a whole day every weekend when you have a child at home with special needs.

MyCircumference · 23/10/2023 07:57

that sounds awful of your dh op

Newmumatlast · 23/10/2023 07:57

If he doesn't want dinner ate he could make his own? Why couldn't he have pasta with your son?

And the fact he was so unhappy about making his son food says everything. Even if he were mad at you, right or wrong (definitely wrong) he would still refuse to feed his son? That's crazy to me.

When is your day off? Does he not understand that you have been working for 16 years? Sounds like he doesn't want a family he wants people to do stuff for him.

AllegroConMoto · 23/10/2023 07:58

Your husband sounds like a knob.

I also wouldn’t be facilitating eating at 4pm ever - what grown adult does that? I’d assumed it was something your son needed. If your husband insists on having weird food and bedtimes, he can sort himself out.

Tangelablue · 23/10/2023 07:59

Wow. This man refused to make food for a disabled child and left him to go hungry. Thats shocking. Does he usually spend any time with his son? I get the impression he resents him.

Original poster
Batteriesnotincluded1 · 23/10/2023 07:59

I really don't begrudge him his hobby, he works hard all week for us and I'm able to manage on my own on a Saturday, but I think given we have half term coming up and I won't be leaving the house for 2 weeks he could have been happy for me to be out doing something I am passionate about, something for me, outside of the house. I wasn't even out that late in my opinion.

OP posts:
Bella37 · 23/10/2023 07:59

He thinks caring for a disabled child isn’t working! Your job is a lot harder than his I bet! Yanbu

Trampley · 23/10/2023 08:00

I think you know you're married to a selfish prick.

Original poster
Batteriesnotincluded1 · 23/10/2023 08:00

No, he did feed him.

OP posts:
mullyluo · 23/10/2023 08:09

He was completely out of order OP, your dh shouldn't even need to be asked to make dinner for his own son who he is is sole charge of, it should just be a given. No advice for you because your husbands entitled attitude is something that would be hard to change. I hope you managed to have a lovely time with your daughter. You sound like you deserve a break. If I were you I'd start going to your hobby every weekend and leave your husband to it.

mum11970 · 23/10/2023 08:10

Your dh is a complete dickhead and I would be leaving anyone who couldn’t be relied on to feed a child. I find it unbelievable that it even had to cross your mind to phone and ask him to do so and even more shocking that he still didn’t feed your son.
As an aside where are you that inflicts a two week half term on parents? Must be a nightmare for working parents.

Original poster
Batteriesnotincluded1 · 23/10/2023 08:34

My sons SEN school are flexible on their term dates, he only does a 4 week summer holiday instead of 6, so he has 2 weeks off elsewhere throughout the year, which actually works out well for us.

OP posts:
littleripper · 23/10/2023 08:44

What time is your husband up? Why is he going to bed at 8pm?

TeeedleDum · 23/10/2023 08:57

Overall I think youre not being unreasonable. Sounds like a slight miscommunication as 'popping out' could of meant 1 hour or 4 hours etc. But your husband should be capable of looking after his son solo and not resent you having some down time.

SinnerBoy · 23/10/2023 09:11

Fromage · Today 07:50

Er, your husband is fuming he has had to look after his child for a few hours?

Yes, what a lazy knobhead. Doesn't he know that there are usually two parents?

LakeTiticaca · 23/10/2023 09:15

Why does he go to bed so early,? Does he have to get up at 4am for work?
Why can't he make a meal for the family?
He sounds very childish

Gnomegnomegnome · 23/10/2023 09:15

he was fuming because his tea wasn't ready and he was hungry

He was fuming because he had to make his own dinner? Has he not got hands?

Fulshaw · 23/10/2023 09:16

I think you’re in the right as it was a one-off but some posters are missing the fact that the OP’s disabled son is at school during the week and she is doing her hobby while her DH is working.