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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

She shows up drunk

67 replies

Jumpleaprun · 22/10/2023 21:41

I was on my way to work at 6:30am the other day when I spotted a friend (I use this term loosely as we aren’t close) walking down my drive looking a bit worse for ware. She started sobbing and told me she believed her partner had been messaging other women (went threw his phone in the night) and that she wanted to leave the house. I start work at 7am so I was literally about to drive off when I spotted her. I then notice the bottle of wine she was holding and I asked how she got here and she confirmed she drove. I told her to head inside and have a sleep but she begged me to stay with her and didn’t want to be alone. I then had to phone work and VERY last minute drop them in it. She then wouldn’t go to sleep, drank more wine she had on her then buggered off to a different friends once they woke up at 11. My work are unhappy I have them no notice but I was scared she might drive again in that state. AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that a grown woman has behaved like this and put me in this position with my work? I work on a hospital so it’s pretty important I show up or give ample notice, she knows this. She started drinking at 2am that night before as well once she saw texts.

OP posts:

Ramalangadingdong · 23/10/2023 12:20

We can all say what we would have done but op was blindsided in the moment and did her best. If it happens again she will know exactly what to do.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/10/2023 12:21

Sorry, would t get involved. Would have put her in a taxi home and gone to work.

babetyouknow · 23/10/2023 12:23

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that a grown woman has behaved like this and put me in this position with my work? I work on a hospital so it’s pretty important I show up or give ample notice, she knows this

She knows its important? Then why don't you? She didn't put you in that position, you did. You chose not to go to work.
Bad call.

Castlerock44 · 23/10/2023 12:26

No way would I have missed work, but she needed reporting to the police, if she intended driving drunk.

gossipgurl · 23/10/2023 12:33

Why wouldn’t you report someone intending to drive after drinking alcohol to the police though? The police would be aware that driving under the influence can lead to death or injury, they’re not going to berate you for reporting even if they have conflicting priorities

I get some people routinely drive after a pint or two, but there seems to be more alcohol involved here. I’d assume that she is over limits if she’s slid out the car with a wine bottle in hand and stated she’s been drinking non stop for the last 4 hours. She’s obviously emotional and exhibiting a lapse in judgment.

Ramalangadingdong · 23/10/2023 13:24

Castlerock44 · 23/10/2023 12:26

No way would I have missed work, but she needed reporting to the police, if she intended driving drunk.

She had already driven while drunk. I suppose she would have been arrested and op would still have missed work due to having to make statements etc.

bluegreygreen · 23/10/2023 13:29

You also know this.

Why was her difficulty more important than your patients/clinical service? That's your responsibility, not hers.

Have a think about what you would like to do next time - could be taking her keys, letting her in to sleep it off, calling her a taxi to another friend etc. It's likely this will happen again so it's worth being prepared.

androidnotapple · 23/10/2023 13:49

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that a grown woman has behaved like this and put me in this position with my work?

You made the decision not to go to work.

Worddance · 23/10/2023 13:51

Perhaps you could have left her in your home with the car keys? Just pondering.

ThereIbledit · 23/10/2023 14:08

I wouldn't have missed work for her. I'd have taken her keys, rang the police - quite probably right in front of her - and to hell with her.

I lost two friends who were 17 years old to a drunk driver.

You said she shows up drunk - do you mean she's done it before?

Regardless of what you did or didn't do I'd now be giving her a complete bollocking, telling her to never darken my doorstep again and that if you catch her drink driving again you'll be calling 999.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 23/10/2023 22:03

Ramalangadingdong · 23/10/2023 08:43

But if she’s killed someone or herself OP would feel dreadful for the rest of her life - even if it wasn’t her fault. She would have been asking “what if…”. NOp sounds like a sensitive person. I think she did the right thing.

Show quote history

@Ramalangadingdong ok, I agree she’d have felt awful if something had happened so taking her keys and calling her a cab would have been better. I still don’t think it was right to miss work. I’m sensitive too but I’m also responsible and committed to my job- it’s not an either or situation.

PixieLaLar · 23/10/2023 22:20

It was your choice not to go into work though. You could have rang them and told them you were going to be late or at least gone in at 11am after she left?

I think you did a kind thing trying to help someone who was clearly upset and drunk, if it’s a one off I would except an apology but would give her some slack.

Beautiful3 · 24/10/2023 15:02

Or you could have told her you're on your way to work, but you'll drop her off on the way. She can collect her car later, when sober.

purplecorkheart · 24/10/2023 15:12

To be honest I would have taken her keys off her. Put her in the car with you and either drop her home/cab office/bus stop or to the hospital and called her a taxi.

Original poster

Jumpleaprun · 27/10/2023 05:59

Just an update for all the messages. In response to a few points that were made

I couldn’t have sent her home in a taxi as she lives with her partner and she has been having a huge fight with him when she drove over to mine after consuming alcohol and confronting him in a drunken rage, so sending her back wasn’t an option
Those of you who have been telling me I should have taken her keys, yes I probably should, but I hindsight is a wonderful thing and I was extremely overwhelmed
its extremely difficult in a situation where someone is reaching out in such an extreme way to then leave them alone or call police on them while they are emotionally breaking down, although I am aware how dangerous her decision to drive was, I didn’t feel calling the police at that stage would change anything and could just make things even worse for her in that moment.

she hasn’t done anything like this before, though I am aware she has been using alcohol as a crutch during her pretty toxic relationship that she’s currently leaving. She messaged and thanked me, she didn’t apologise. I later spoke to my manager about the full situation, she told me I did the right thing given the situation.

OP posts:

Catsmere · 27/10/2023 06:13

That's good to know, OP. Here's hoping it was a one-off.

Isthisexpected · 27/10/2023 14:29

Really good of you to update OP. Hopefully she's on a path to a better time of things.

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