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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Devoted or Obsessed

47 replies

Exmouthlady · 22/10/2023 20:58

So, met a guy recently, like last 2 weeks recently. I'm currently in run for the hills mode but unsure if I'm just being silly.

He has become completely smitten with me, he loves that I do or say this/that. My family sounds lovely and he knows he'll love them. He loves X about me, he loves Y about me. He loves how relaxed I make him feel, he loves that my cats seem to like him, in fact there isn't anything he doesn't love!!

He is constantly giving compliments, I tell him to stop, he just says I need to get used to it. He says I complete him. All this after just 2 weeks!! It's a sick bucket overload or AIBU?

I've had 2 significant previous relationships, 1 an overt narcissist and 1 a covert narcissist and I aware of abuse, trauma bonding, how it impacts my expectations etc, but after being single for 6 years now I've become independent, confident, strong and very comfortable in my own skin and with my own company.

We are not naive youngsters with both of us being in our 50's. But I'm finding all this a turn off and actually disrespectful. He's said it's just that I don't know what it's like to be treated by a decent man. He has told literally everyone he knows about me and keeps asking me what my friends/family have said as he assumes I've called them all to tell them about him. He wants video calls every night and I'm struggling now to tell him I'm going shopping, going for a walk, meeting a friend as he wants to be there all the time.

I know nobody can logically tell me what to do, but I'm finding it overpowering.

YABU he seems a decent man, give him a chance.
YANBU that's weird, run now.

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 22/10/2023 21:01

Run.
Block.
If he continues contact in any way.. tell the police.

Paltrypam · 22/10/2023 21:02

This makes me feel nauseous to read let alone experience

Paltrypam · 22/10/2023 21:02

Do you have children?

SavBlancTonight · 22/10/2023 21:03

Run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run

pictoosh · 22/10/2023 21:03

How can he be 'devoted', he barely knows you?!
He's got you on a pedestal and you know the only off one of those is down.
Run away.

Andbreatheee · 22/10/2023 21:04

Oh god he's love bombing, classic narc trait!!! Block and run run run run run!!!!!!!

pictoosh · 22/10/2023 21:05

You complete him do you? After a fortnight?

mildlydispeptic · 22/10/2023 21:05

Yep, clear cut case of love bombing. Also: Ew, ew, ew.

SplendidUtterly · 22/10/2023 21:05

He sounds needy.

SophiaElise · 22/10/2023 21:05

I'd find that suffocating and not the tiniest bit endearing. Run!

GerbilsForever24 · 22/10/2023 21:06

I would get out now. Next he will be guilting you because you haven't introduced him to your family. He will be sad you don't want to spend time with him. And every time you give in, he has his claws just a little.deeper.

Original poster
Exmouthlady · 22/10/2023 21:13

We both have adult children that don't live at home.

I have my place, he has his, he is already planning on getting keys cut and has told me his home is mine etc.

Having been in abusive relationships this just made me wonder if I was simply too guarded but it all feels too twee!!!

OP posts:
SavBlancTonight · 22/10/2023 21:19

Even if he is genuine, this behaviour is not normal. It's OK to decide a man you have met just 2 weeks ago is moving way too fast.

KeithChegwinFromExtrasPopKnob · 22/10/2023 21:29

Fucking rank 🤮

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/10/2023 21:32

<shudder>. Run. Massive red flag.

Iwillnotdancewiththedevil · 22/10/2023 21:32

Look at it this way - even if he was a pure, simple man who had fallen for you super quick, it's turning you off so it actually doesn't matter if it's legit, it's not something/someone you're enjoying. At 2 weeks in, you should be giddy, not rolling your eyes.

But also... always just trust your instincts

mildlydispeptic · 22/10/2023 21:33

Oh God, not the thing with the keys. There's clearly a good reason why this guy is single.

TeeedleDum · 22/10/2023 21:34

Hmmm that would give me major ick and sounds like a potential love bomber at worst

theduchessofspork · 22/10/2023 21:35

It’s very odd indeed

If you aren’t comfortable then drop.

1990thatsme · 22/10/2023 21:35

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>

Eyesopenwideawake · 22/10/2023 21:36

Pick your nose while he stares into your eyes. That'll do it.

SwingTheMonkey · 22/10/2023 21:37

Eesh. No 😬

LylaLee · 22/10/2023 21:40

Lovebombing

Ostryga · 22/10/2023 21:42

Oh god please block him. If you don’t you’re about to enter another abusive relationship and you are worth so so much more than that.

Jewelspun · 22/10/2023 21:46

I read it and thought that's typical teenage behaviour but then I saw he is in his fifties!

Good grief! What an absolute wet wipe.

He's an utter drip.

%3D
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