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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Devoted or Obsessed

47 replies

Exmouthlady · 22/10/2023 20:58

So, met a guy recently, like last 2 weeks recently. I'm currently in run for the hills mode but unsure if I'm just being silly.

He has become completely smitten with me, he loves that I do or say this/that. My family sounds lovely and he knows he'll love them. He loves X about me, he loves Y about me. He loves how relaxed I make him feel, he loves that my cats seem to like him, in fact there isn't anything he doesn't love!!

He is constantly giving compliments, I tell him to stop, he just says I need to get used to it. He says I complete him. All this after just 2 weeks!! It's a sick bucket overload or AIBU?

I've had 2 significant previous relationships, 1 an overt narcissist and 1 a covert narcissist and I aware of abuse, trauma bonding, how it impacts my expectations etc, but after being single for 6 years now I've become independent, confident, strong and very comfortable in my own skin and with my own company.

We are not naive youngsters with both of us being in our 50's. But I'm finding all this a turn off and actually disrespectful. He's said it's just that I don't know what it's like to be treated by a decent man. He has told literally everyone he knows about me and keeps asking me what my friends/family have said as he assumes I've called them all to tell them about him. He wants video calls every night and I'm struggling now to tell him I'm going shopping, going for a walk, meeting a friend as he wants to be there all the time.

I know nobody can logically tell me what to do, but I'm finding it overpowering.

YABU he seems a decent man, give him a chance.
YANBU that's weird, run now.

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 22/10/2023 22:01

I don't like the sound of him AT ALL.

Original poster

Exmouthlady · 22/10/2023 22:57

I guess a dump text coming up.

Gold stars for the most original wording 😂😂1

OP posts:

Justleaveitblankthen · 22/10/2023 23:01

No no no no no no no. No!!!
I have a longer timeline on my filtered Milk sat in the fridge.
I'm a similar age OP and this brings back memories.. Of 20 and 30 years ago.
He's absolutely tragic.
Get out now. Rip the plaster off while you still can.
I would block him too 😶

DeeCeeCherry · 22/10/2023 23:06

Maybe he's fallen in love and that's his love language. Wearing his heart on his sleeve. It doesn't sound as if he's a threat to you. But if he's not your type because of this then just dont take the relationship further. Its your choice. I found DP to be a bit like this when we got together. It did calm down after a while and now we laugh about it sometimes. But almost 7 years later here we are, still together and happy. A breath of fresh air after the narcissistic dickheads that abound out there. I know which I'd rather have. But you're not comfortable with this man so its best to let him go, if he were for you then you'd not be feeling so wary.

Doyoumind · 22/10/2023 23:10

This isn't benign. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. He thinks you're talking to people about him - self-centred. It seems like classic lovebombing. End it but don't expect him to give up easily.

MariaLuna · 22/10/2023 23:12

"I have my place, he has his, he is already planning on getting keys cut and has told me his home is mine etc.

Having been in abusive relationships this just made"

Has just made you more into abusive relaionships, Because you have not built any boundaries.

Do the freedom programme.

Life is great being without fuckwits in your life. Believe me.

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/10/2023 23:12

It's nice to get a compliment but for God's sake, he's just gone crazy!

WillowCraft · 22/10/2023 23:14

He's desperate to control you. Guilt tripping will come next, when you refuse to video call him nightly. It can only go.downhill from here.

Wonkasworld · 22/10/2023 23:16

The love bombing too good to be true syndrome 🚩

NeurodivergentBurnout · 22/10/2023 23:17

The big positive is that you’ve recognised it early! ‘Dear x, after much consideration, I’ve concluded your behaviour gives me the ick. You are dumped’!

Wonkasworld · 22/10/2023 23:21

I know we sometimes have a go about men not complimenting us, but there is such a thing as too much!

WhereDoYouGo1 · 22/10/2023 23:23

What’s his relationship history?

Nicole1111 · 22/10/2023 23:42

Best case scenario - he has no bad intentions but isn’t able to contain himself enough to respect that you find his behaviour to be too much.
Worst case scenario - he’s love bombing you.
Given that the best case scenario is pretty shite I vote run.

feelingalittlehorse · 22/10/2023 23:43

This guy has more red flags than a Man United game.

Off into the bin goes he 👋

Cornishclio · 22/10/2023 23:49

God he sounds intense. I would get rid of him quickly. You hardly know each other yet he is coming over very possessive and suffocating. You don't sound like you are that comfortable with his passionate declarations so that is the best reason to ditch him. Very strange.

junbean · 22/10/2023 23:55

He might be wonderful? Maybe he knows he struck gold and is overly eager. However it's too much too soon and if he can't respect your boundaries it won't work. Make sure you explain your boundaries and give him a chance to improve.

greenhydrangea · 23/10/2023 00:06

He wants video calls every night and I'm struggling now to tell him I'm going shopping, going for a walk, meeting a friend as he wants to be there all the time.

I feel suffocated just reading about this. YANBU. If it was just the compliments, the overinvestment, etc, that would be one thing, but I would run for the hills at this.

shardash · 23/10/2023 00:06

I tell him to stop, he just says I need to get used to it.

So he is riding roughshod over your boundaries and when you protest, he refuses to stop and tells you that you need to get used to it?

Bin him off.

mrsfollowill · 23/10/2023 00:13

Just dump and run 🚩- I went out with someone like this when I was very young. I was maybe 21- he was 10 yrs older. Seemed like a real gent at first - different from the 'lads' I had dated in the past. Within 2 weeks he thought I should give up my job and become a 'laydee of leisure'- he would cover all the bills. I was his soulmate (we had not even had sex at this point and I soon realised I didn't fancy him much so we never dtd)
In fact it all came to an end when I was late to a date - he thought I'd stood him up so went to my flat, barged in past my flatmates and 'searched' for me - I must be hiding from him/with another bloke??) WTF! Was opening cupboard doors etc to catch me 😂

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 23/10/2023 06:08

Yeah, way too much for most emotionally-healthy people I'd guess 😬 And even if it's not sinister, if sounds ridiculously annoying!

Sorry OP, I'd say goodbye and move on!

RedHelenB · 23/10/2023 06:10

Iwillnotdancewiththedevil · 22/10/2023 21:32

Look at it this way - even if he was a pure, simple man who had fallen for you super quick, it's turning you off so it actually doesn't matter if it's legit, it's not something/someone you're enjoying. At 2 weeks in, you should be giddy, not rolling your eyes.

But also... always just trust your instincts

This.

Original poster

Exmouthlady · 23/10/2023 21:44

He's history. Shocked, didn't see it coming, really thought we were on course for that long, loving relationship etc.

Not like that after 2 weeks!!!1

OP posts:

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