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Original poster

Do you ever struggle for conversation with your partner?

35 replies

Decorationexclusive · 22/10/2023 19:44

For the first time in a long time DH and I have spent a full weekend together and by this afternoon I just felt like we’d run out of convo 😞 it felt very small Talk-ey and awkward from my perspective.

To be fair, this has always been a slight problem with us, DH isn’t a naturally really chatty person and I do enjoy comfortable silences as well, but lately I just feel like we’ve grown apart 😞

Things have felt awkward the last month or so, both of us have had a lot on our plate so stress levels have been high, but I thought the fact we were both so busy we haven’t been able to spend much quality time together, was the reason for the awkwardness. So I really hoped that spending the whole weekend together would erase that, but it didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, we had a nice weekend, no arguments or anything. It just all felt a bit stale.

I don’t know if I’m giving it too much headspace but when we were walking along this afternoon I just thought, god I really am out of conversation. Is this normal with a partner?

OP posts:
TiredMamOfTwo · 22/10/2023 19:53

Yeah it's normal. I've been with DH for sixteen years, sometimes we just have nothing to say like now we're sat in silence on the sofa. Grin
Other times we have loads to talk about just depends!

BMrs · 22/10/2023 19:54

Sorry I don't think it is! I could spend a whole week with my husband and happily both babble on. That's not to say we don't have silence too but never felt awkward silences.

Ssme92 · 22/10/2023 19:56

----I think comfortable silences are an integral part of a healthy relationship. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts and realise I haven't spoken in a while, OH is similar to me in that regard. The only time we have awkward silences is when I'm hangry and OH knows not to talk to me until I'm fed 🤣🤣🤣

Comedycook · 22/10/2023 19:57

No...we don't run out of things to say. To be fair dh is a massive extrovert and very chatty. I'm more introverted but have plenty to say!

Do you watch the TV together op or watch the news? DH and I spend a lot of time discussing politics and current affairs or we sometimes watch trashy reality stuff and chat about that.

Nodashians · 22/10/2023 19:57

I’ve never experienced this, DH and I chat all day about random stuff, we have a good laugh.

HelenFisksBrownSuit · 22/10/2023 20:00

No, my wife and I are very chatty. Anything from serious and profound to nonsense banter.

The only time we struggle to talk is if we've had an argument and are processing, or are both very tired/overwhelmed.

PenCreed · 22/10/2023 20:02

I thought this the day after DH and I got married and were sitting very quietly at dinner, and had a little panic. It’s fine, he’s naturally quieter than I am and sometimes we’re both just tired so not talking so much. We’ve been very happily married for years!

Jobsharenightmare · 22/10/2023 20:02

HelenFisksBrownSuit · 22/10/2023 20:00

No, my wife and I are very chatty. Anything from serious and profound to nonsense banter.

The only time we struggle to talk is if we've had an argument and are processing, or are both very tired/overwhelmed.

Same. After seventeen years can still chat away.

Titsywoo · 22/10/2023 20:04

Nope never - I mean we sit in silence sometimes but through choice not out of lack of things to say. We've been together 22 years.

Spottybluepyjamas · 22/10/2023 20:06

We definitely sit in silence together, but it's not normally awkward. The only time it is is when there's an argument brewing and we're about to say something. Is there something else going g on perhaps that is unsaid and might be causing tension?

berry798 · 22/10/2023 20:07

Yes, this is the case for us. I think it's ok, every relationship is different. Some partners are "kindred spirits" who have long, easy, flowing conversations, others are opposites who mutually love, admire and respect each other but don't "chime" in conversation and have different things they like to talk about. I'm interested in politics and my DH is basically a-political. But he's one of the only men I had met who shares my values and ethics, which are important to me, and I'd rather be with someone who shares this than someone with whom I have great chat. I can talk more easily with some people, but I don't admire their qualities as much as I do his.

Everything can fade in a relationship. Attraction, conversation, interests.... sometimes, all that's keeping you together in marriage is the promise of faithfulness you made on your wedding day. And to me that's the beautiful thing about marriage. It's all about faithfulness, which is what love is (as opposed to a feeling conditional on the other person staying the same forever, which never happens).

Original poster
Decorationexclusive · 22/10/2023 20:14

I would say there’s definitely times we talk for hours and you can’t shut us up, we do share the same political beliefs etc and yes, we often talk about what’s going on in the world etc for ages. I’m just feeling a bit depressed and anxious atm and talking about world events just makes me feel worse so I can’t be bothered bringing anything up about the state of the world atm.

I wouldn’t say we’ve ever been the same humour wise, he’s never made me proper belly laugh really, or actually, when he does, it’s when he’s not trying to. I prefer a dry, sarky sense of humour and his is more obvious/ childish.

But as another poster said up thread, I married him because our beliefs align, his moral compass is the best I’ve ever encountered, he adores me, is an absolutely amazing father and will do anything for us as a family. He has so many good qualities but I guess endless conversation isn’t one of them.

OP posts:
bonzaitree · 22/10/2023 20:18

We’re often quiet- comfortable silence is nice. How exhausting to have to talk all the time 🤣

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 22/10/2023 20:23

I have the opposite problem. He doesn’t bloody shut up!! 😂.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 22/10/2023 20:27

Yes I do but we've never been great conversationalists. I have my friends and colleagues for that. When I get to dh I just want to watch gogglebox in his company.

xyz111 · 22/10/2023 20:32

Are you both like this with others too? Me and DH are not big chatty people generally, so sometimes we don't speak much. But that's just our personalities, so we don't worry about it. I can't stand people that seem to talk for the sake of it 🤣

bussteward · 22/10/2023 20:35

I love a comfortable silence. But I also need conversation and laughter. DP would happily go weeks not talking to anyone and our relationship feels dead in the water at the moment; he’d rather be silently alone than comfortably silent with me, but also all attempts at conversation fizzle out, like trying to start a car with a flat battery. It’s shit.

UnconventionalLife · 22/10/2023 20:58

I think every relationship will have a different dynamic in this regard
Dh & I never run out of things to day & we also have very companionable silences.
We make each other laugh pretty much every day & we have a lot of fun together.

You sound sad & concerned about your current situation - do you think you could actually bring it up? Have a conversation about it? Share that you're feeling sad ,& down & see how he reacts to this?

Or maybe try doing some things that allow you to share an experience together without needing to talk & then you have a great neutral thing to discuss after - I'm thinking cinema, theater, gig, concert, exhibition etc go, enjoy & go for a drink after & discuss your thoughts on it? Something like that could give some oomph back?

Dh & I do lots of things like that, we love it

StampOnTheGround · 22/10/2023 20:59

We can be silent for ages if we're doing separate things or watching something. But I have never once felt any awkwardness at all, I don't think that's normal unfortunately.

Branleuse · 22/10/2023 20:59

Yes, we have been together a long time and it would be unrealistic to expect to never run out of chat

Circumferences · 22/10/2023 21:09

I'm a more quiet person than my DH.
He has a mind a like a permanently switched on radio. He just talks constantly even if it's irrelevant like earlier I was going over DS upcoming birthday plans (because so far we have no plans...) next thing he's going off talking about something about football - can't remember what! I had to reign him in back to the actual point.

I wouldn't mind a quieter partner but I must admit if I were with someone like myself we probably wouldn't speak for days! We would be holding hands, cuddling etc just in happy silence!

So long as your affectionate and show love in other ways, talking constantly isn't the only way.

HelpMeGetThrough · 22/10/2023 21:26

I'm happy to sit and say nothing/not have a conversation, I enjoy peace and quiet. Sometimes I run out of things to have a conversation about, but it never worries me.

We don't talk religion or politics. I'm an atheist, my OH not and I know our political views are very different, so I won't go near that.

hellohellothere · 22/10/2023 21:28

No we never run out of things to say. My husband wishes I would sometimes. We always have a laugh and good conversation. I don't think it's a problem if you're comfortable with quiet time and silence though.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/10/2023 21:29

No, never! We've been married 20 years.

EmmaDilemma5 · 22/10/2023 21:34

I'm honestly too tired to talk anymore. With three young children, a full on job and other commitments, I just want peace!

Look, all relationships are different and all relationships change. If you're happy, that's all that counts. If you're not happy, don't panic, there are ways to improve communication/conversation.

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