Do you ever struggle for conversation with your partner?

[Decorationexclusive]

For the first time in a long time DH and I have spent a full weekend together and by this afternoon I just felt like we’d run out of convo 😞 it felt very small Talk-ey and awkward from my perspective.

To be fair, this has always been a slight problem with us, DH isn’t a naturally really chatty person and I do enjoy comfortable silences as well, but lately I just feel like we’ve grown apart 😞

Things have felt awkward the last month or so, both of us have had a lot on our plate so stress levels have been high, but I thought the fact we were both so busy we haven’t been able to spend much quality time together, was the reason for the awkwardness. So I really hoped that spending the whole weekend together would erase that, but it didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, we had a nice weekend, no arguments or anything. It just all felt a bit stale.

I don’t know if I’m giving it too much headspace but when we were walking along this afternoon I just thought, god I really am out of conversation. Is this normal with a partner?

I don’t think it’s normal. We never run out of things to say, together for more than 25 years. We do sit quietly sometimes but it’s a choice. Atm we are not discussing news much mostly because there is no enough time. I would love to go for a week away just to sit and chat through all topics we have to discuss.

I think comfortable silence and it feeling like you describe are two different things. We've never run out of things to say in an awkward way

I think the fact you feel it was an awkward silence, over quite a long period of time, is what matters. It’s clearly built out of the fact things aren’t great right now. I think you should talk to him about it and how to refresh things. Probably doing some new things together would be good.

I empathise DecorationExclusive. It is rare to hear my dh speak and most days he says very little indeed. He is well known as being a man of few words by friends and relatives.
Thankfully our dcs converse happily and normally with me but sometimes dh’s silences are deafening and it makes me wonder about the future.
I meet friends outwith the home as his stony silences made some of them feel very uncomfortable and I have been asked a few times if they had upset him. No, he wasn’t upset, he just doesn’t talk.

Yes! But I don't think it's awkward, just that we've been together for 15yrs, know each other's views on most things, have busy but ultimately quite dull jobs and, due to jobs and DC, don't have much time for other things. Sometimes it does frustrate me slightly - we did see friends this evening and one of them said something which surprised me and when I mentioned it to DH later his response was simply a "I know. I thought that too" which ended the conversation when I could have run with it for longer but, actually, what else was there to say about it.
Both of us can talk for hours about things of particular interest to us but those interests are different so we don't discuss those with each other much.
I don't worry about it as, in my case at least, I don't view it as a DH issue. I've always had a mixed group of friends who I see separately as even as school I was confused by what on earth those girls who were inseparable from each other said to each other all of the time. A few years ago, I had a friend who lived & worked with her partner and travelled to and from the office together and their social lives largely overlapped too. What on earth did they say to each other?

I'd try not to worry about it. Every couple is different, but I think it's common that you have less to talk about after a while. In my own marriage (together over 20 years), we can sometimes have a lot to say to one another, then other times much less. It's important to recognise that you don't have to talk much to have a legitimate connection.

Now, if we never had conversations or if I felt he wasn't responding when I was obviously trying to get him to engage with me, that would bother me. The occasional dry patch isn't a serious problem, but it can feel a little sad if you think that every other couple out there is engaging in scintillating conversation every moment they're together. (Most aren't.)

As for awkward silences, sometimes what one person perceives as 'awkward' doesn't even register with the other. This has happened more times than I can count with DH. He's less talkative, but it doesn't mean he's feeling annoyed or bored. He's not actively trying to think of anything to say, because he's more content to just 'be'.

I bet DH was ambling along with you thinking how lovely it is being with you, someone you love and feel secure with , in blissful silence.

Wasn't there a song "you say it best, when you say nothing at all" or something like that? Misses the point of the thread

there's a difference between a comfortable silence where you both have the headspace to reflect and process stuff, in each other's company, and that uncomfortable feeling when there's something the matter.

Probably worth a direct conversation OP if you feel there's some unspoken concerns rumbling in the background.

It wouldn't be normal for us. We can talk for hours about any aul rubbish or we can sit comfortably in silence. We're married 11 years.

Maybe it depends on personality too. I'm quite a chatterbox generally, DH is quieter but isn't a man of few words either.

My DH is much more quiet than I am and sometimes I find it difficult.

He would sit a whole long car journey in silence, for example, and make no effort to talk.

He clearly has no issue with it though. He is much happier to be in peace whereas I'm more chatty.