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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate Whatsapp reaction feature

71 replies

u163028 · 22/10/2023 18:48

The only time I find it ok, is when a reaction is used when a conversation is at a natural end, or when its followed up with a reply.

I find it borderline rude when people use it and then don't bother to respond properly with a reply. Example, I send a photo to a friend 'I saw this and thought of you!' I get a ''person' reacted 'heart' to ...'' and no reply. It basically makes me think they don't actually want to speak to you or make conversation, it actually makes me feel a bit rejected, like I'd probably feel the same if they just didn't reply and left me on read.

It was actually better when people replied/responded with an emoji than them clicking the 'reaction' button.

OP posts:
SnakeyS · 22/10/2023 20:18

Mrsjayy · 22/10/2023 19:41

I think people think it's rude not to Reply right away so acknowledge with a reaction to show they have seen it so not ignoring you.

This. This is exactly what I do.
Or I’m ‘screened out’ having spent hours in-front of multiple screens all day at work, and I just don’t have the energy for more screen-time.

Nanny0gg · 22/10/2023 20:31

PerfectYear321 · 22/10/2023 19:05

That's why MN won't add a 'like' function, as they know it will make the site less interactive. You're wrong to say it's rude, but yes it certainly isn't as nice as a reply from the person.

Have you noticed the 'Thanks' function?

Pretty much the same thing

Rewis · 22/10/2023 20:34

I'm not fan of them either. They work if the message is "leaving now" and then reacting thumbs up so the person can see I've seen it. But it doesn't replace a message. And I do think heart reaction is differnet form heart emoji message.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/10/2023 20:36

Get a grip. Better than someone reading your message and not responding at all. I couldn't get worked up about this.

LindorDoubleChoc · 22/10/2023 20:37

But perhaps they don't want to have a text conversation with you right at that very moment? That's OK isn't it?

I remarked to DH this year that I found my birthday quite trying because I had to get involved in all sorts of conversations by text. When really I'd have just enjoyed receiving a card in the post - like in ye olden times - and had the evening free to enjoy my takeaway and not spend it on the phone trying not to offend people.

WolfFoxHare · 22/10/2023 20:45

God, I love them. I don’t especially like it when people send me a photo or a gif with comment like ‘Saw this and thought of you’ - engage with me properly and I’ll reply, send me endless funny cartoons etc and you’ll get a laughing emoji back.

Sparklesocks · 22/10/2023 20:50

I use them for quite a few things, normally when there’s not much else to say or my friend has messaged ‘see you at X time’ etc to confirm I’ve seen it/agree.

Also when my friend sends me 3 minute videos of her kids doing ‘a play’ or being ‘hilarious’ 😄 - don’t get me wrong, I love her kids….I just don’t need constant videos and pics and sometimes I don’t have the energy to think of a reply.

PerfectYear321 · 22/10/2023 21:00

Nanny0gg · 22/10/2023 20:31

Have you noticed the 'Thanks' function?

Pretty much the same thing

Show quote history

Yes, but it's not the same as a 'like' button. 'thank' is private.
I rarely use the thank function unless I really want to thank the poster. On other sites I will press like when I want a post to get public recognition. Not the same at all

surreygirl1987 · 22/10/2023 21:08

That's why MN won't add a 'like' function, as they know it will make the site less interactive. You're wrong to say it's rude, but yes it certainly isn't as nice as a reply from the person.

Haha, as I read your post I noticed (and used!) the 'thanks' button on MN for the first time! 😂

surreygirl1987 · 22/10/2023 21:09

Yes, but it's not the same as a 'like' button. 'thank' is private.

As is a 'reaction' to a message in a 2-person conversation on WhatsApp...!

hotblacktea · 22/10/2023 21:14

great, now i have to add the mental load of thinking whether it's offensive to send "just" a reaction emoji or a proper message is warranted
thanks op

Hankunamatata · 22/10/2023 21:15

If you want to start a conversation, ask a question not making a statement

JaneGainsborough · 22/10/2023 21:40

YABU. It is reactions like yours that make me hate any kind of message service.

SquishyGloopyBum · 22/10/2023 21:45

Conversely, I hate it when people send me just a picture. No text. So I send an emoji response to that. If they can't be bothered to text me, then I can't them!

It works both ways. Plus sometimes when you get the billionth photo of little Tommy, it's tedious. It feels rude to ignore, but I don't want to engage. An emoji response it is.

melj1213 · 22/10/2023 22:39

I think in context I mean when you are sending a photo or a message to start a conversation, nothing closes the conversation like a 'reaction' to the message instead of a response.

Surely it depends on your texting style?

I have friends where we can go days or weeks where our only "communication" is sending each other memes/GIFs/tiktoks that we saw and made is think of them ... They aren't intended as conversation starters but if I see a friend "reacts" fairly quickly I might follow up with a "Hey, not spoken in ages how's things with you?" message, if they answer then great but if not then we both know it's not a snub and they will reply when they can/want to, even if it's hours later.

I have other friends where any kind of communication is seen as an opening salvo for a conversation, so if you post any kind of comment/response they see it as permission to start a proper chat and then get upset if you tell them "sorry, can't chat" but we all agree that a "reaction" is a way to acknowledge that you've seen/appreciate the comment but aren't free to talk at that moment.

LolaSmiles · 22/10/2023 22:43

I get people might be busy, but isn't it better for the receiver to wait until they have time to respond properly?
Because if they have seen it and not responded then some people sit stewing about what they've done wrong that someone saw the message at 10am but haven't replied by 6pm.

Or they mean to reply later but then their commute is delayed or they end up dealing with something with the children and that message at 10am isn't front of the mind. Sometimes a couple of days might pass before they remember and by the some people will have decided they're being ghosted and it's friendship ending.

A reaction shows they've seen it, appreciate it and in theory avoids the above situations.

alwaysmovingforwards · 22/10/2023 23:03

Cosyblankets · 22/10/2023 19:10

To me a heart or whatever reaction is the same as in a message.
I don't see the difference

👍

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/10/2023 23:13

When someone sends me a funny/cute/interesting photo, I take it as a gesture of communication which doesn’t require anything other than an acknowledgement. I sometimes answer with a few words, sometimes just use a reaction emoji.

Nanny0gg · 23/10/2023 01:17

PerfectYear321 · 22/10/2023 21:00

Yes, but it's not the same as a 'like' button. 'thank' is private.
I rarely use the thank function unless I really want to thank the poster. On other sites I will press like when I want a post to get public recognition. Not the same at all

Show quote history

You can see the number if you go back to the post

EmmaEmerald · 23/10/2023 01:24

u163028 · 22/10/2023 19:39

I think in context I mean when you are sending a photo or a message to start a conversation, nothing closes the conversation like a 'reaction' to the message instead of a response.

I get people might be busy, but isn't it better for the receiver to wait until they have time to respond properly? If I haven't spoken to the person for a few days as an example, it feels a bit like a rejection to receive a reaction instead of proper message. It almost tells me, I don't wish to engage with you. That's just how I feel about it, whether I ABU or not.

But you might be starting a conversation at an inconvenient time. If they wait till they have time, they might forget you sent it and then you'd be offended by that, I'm guessing?

readbooksdrinktea · 23/10/2023 01:27

CherryMyBrandy · 22/10/2023 19:18

They might not want to "speak to you or engage in conversation". Doesn't make them rude. Maybe they are busy/in the middle of something/just not in the mood. That's fine. I think expecting full engagement to whatever message you send on your timescale is more rude.

I also tend to use the emojis when I am not sure how to respond in words. So I just send a "love" or "like" etc to indicate I love or like it when I have run out of words that day.

All of this.

I'd use the heart reaction too, like your friend did, and then perhaps respond more later when I had time.

Fionaville · 23/10/2023 01:31

I much prefer it. But then I also hate the pressure of reading a message quickly, but then knowing that they know I've 'seen' it, so I basically have to respond. No matter if I'm busy or in the mood to exchange messages about whatever it is they are sending. Its that social expectation that I have to respond in a timely manner or else people like you will think I'm not being a good friend. So the option to do a quick reaction is perfect.

ilovesooty · 23/10/2023 01:37

Not every picture or message needs conversational to and fro, especially if you're busy. If people want to talk to me they can use words to message or pick up the phone and call me.

Nugg · 23/10/2023 01:44

I would rather this than nothing. Most people have read receipt on for WhatsApp. I would rather have that reaction than notice that they have opened my message and have no reaction. I use them when I am busy and then follow it up later.

5YearsLeft · 23/10/2023 02:08

First of all, everyone arguing ‘reactions as a timesaver’… enh. By the time you’ve clicked the message and selected the reaction, you might have saved one or two seconds versus just typing two or three words in a message, especially with predictive text.

And OP, you used the word “rude,” but I’m thinking you mostly mean, because you’ve said this as well, that it’s a bit hurtful.

I know I probably need to put my hard hat on before saying this, but I’m enjoying all the comments by people saying that they use reactions all the time, and they just don’t have time to reply, etc etc. Here’s the litmus test, OP, and it’s maybe why you feel hurt: if it was a new fellow (or lady) that they had a HUGE crush on who was sending them a picture, would they just reply with a reaction? Would they still not have the ten, more like five, seconds to write an actual reply? Would they fuck. So you are correct to feel that if they wanted to, if it was “worth” their time, they’d scrounge up the five seconds’ worth of words. That’s what’s hurting you.

I understand that sometimes people can’t use their phones (at work, caring for small children, etc), but if that’s the case, I don’t expect reactions OR a message.

Someone pointed out that Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, even MN (thanks) all have like buttons. Yes, and all those services have something in common: you’re addressing a crowd, not one specific person that you have a relationship with. WhatsApp is a personal text message; you’re not sharing whatever you sent with 2,000 of your closest friends and letting them all react - you’re sending it specifically to one person that you thought of, and by using a reaction, they’re treating it as if it’s some random tweet from a stranger that they happened to like.

I suspect many people who defended their reactions would get heart attacks from the fact that I have busy friends who use a reaction to a message (the shocked face and the middle finger are great favorites) and then STILL write a reply as well. DON’T THESE PEOPLE KNOW TIME IS MONEY!! 😂

Erm, anyway… thank you for coming to my TED talk. Please exit through the gift shop.