To think you can 'lose' a talent or ability?

[Tsukiko]

I am an artist who has worked for 30 years with mixed media, from digital to traditional painting. Most of my work has been a mixture of watercolour, acrylic, collage and ink. I have been self employed and managed quite well, and of course a lot of luck came into that! During that time I reached a lot of people through my work and had a decent amount of success (not at all famous of course). It is all I have known and all I have ever wished to do.

In the past 5 years I have seemingly just lost it. Initially I wanted to break away from a style that didn't excite me anymore, but slowly it turned out I stopped altogether. The inspiration and ideas are there, but my ability just seemed to tank.
It might be worth mentioning that my mum and my beloved cat passed away around that time, and there were some domestic stresses too, which I think now might have had something to do with it, but it doesn't help me fix the problem.

I don't know how many artists are on MN, but this is fairly traumatic for me. It is my heart and soul and what I have dedicated my life and study to. What seems to have happened is that whatever I try to do doesn't work (!), no matter how I approach it or what medium I use. It's like my brain just forgot how to do it. Nearly every single thing I have worked on in the past 5 years has failed, which has been new to me and very odd/disturbing. Almost as if my brain has rewired itself wrong. I fear having to change career at middle age and my heart is just not in that.
Luckily I am still earning a moderate passive income from the work I have already created, but this can't go on indefinitely. To not work is unnatural for me.

Is it possible do you think to just up and lose an ability? I put brush to paper and it turns to shit every time. It's like I have completely lost any remote ability to work technically or translate my ideas to paper or canvas.
I have had time off, given myself a very relaxed period of years to recuperate and do other things, but it hasn't helped. This isn't an artist's block, it is more like I can't do it technically, even though my passion and ideas are overflowing. I am probably shouting into a void, but i would love to know if anyone has experienced anything like this, and how it panned out. As time goes on I am beginning to lose confidence, so this makes it even worse!

I used to be quite a talented sketcher, birds and feathers were my specialty.

The one day I had a massive migraine, and completely forgot to hold a pen. Even my handwriting changed. Overnight I lost my talent.

Makes me very sad to think about it.

That sounds really distressing.

I do think it must be psychological though, I can’t see how your technical ability would go, if the ideas are still there.

I can see you might be rusty.

I don’t paint but I do write. I think you probably have to push through this and start creating again. I suspect working with others will help. Is there shared studio space near you? Could you sign up for a course also - I know you are a prof, but to refresh and provide some deadlines for getting stuff out.

@ToBeOrNotToBee Oh goodness, I am sorry to hear that. It's all so mysterious and difficult to pin down isn't it? I hope you have discovered other wonderful things to do in the process.

OP I’m not sure if this will help but I had a similar situation - although with me it wasn’t my ability I lost, but my enthusiasm.

I’m not an artist but I made my career through a similar medium. It’s been my passion since the day I was born and I was/am actually very good at it.

However, about 5 years ago it’s like I just woke up and thought “nope, not interested any more” and that was it! My talent still existed, but I had no interest in it and couldn’t force myself to do anything with it.

So I stopped. Just left it and went off to do other things.

The good news is that my break has helped. I still don’t work in my medium as I used to, it’s more of a part time hobby for me now but I’m definitely working towards becoming more involved again.

So not the same situation as you but similar, I think. And all I can really suggest is giving yourself a break from it completely and see if your ability comes back?

I don’t want to scare you but do you think this was a mini stroke?? It might be worth getting BP checked if you haven’t.

I have thought about this over the years.
It was in school, and have suffered migraines for years.
No BP issues though.

@theduchessofspork No shared studio space here, but I am moving soon so will look into that. It is very disturbing and yes I will be growing more rusty as time goes on. My problem is that whenever i try to push through it, it fails and feels worse.

The only way I can describe it is when I go to create something, my mind now jumps ahead of itself and I get overwhelmed.

Not sure about the possibility of a stroke, it had a trajectory, from me being dissatisfied, to me then stopping for a long period, then doubting my ability when returning. It seems to have spiralled over time as opposed to being overnight. The more I fail and the more i avoid it, the worse it gets.

I seem to have lost the innocence and joy that urged me to get stuck in. Like a loss of trust in myself.

I had this with music rather than art. It was like I'd lost the muscle memory, or the intuition of how to play, and whenever I tried I'd be so dissatisfied that it wasn't up to my previous standard that I felt worse.

I still wanted to do it though so I tried rehabilitation similar to when I bust my knee running. Starting with really simple pieces, and focusing on technique. Building up hand strength and coordination again, drilling scales and basically being the perfect pupil I never was as a child.

It was so hard, because even as my skill increased, it still felt so mechanical, but I've slowly got back to a more natural sound, although it is much different to how I used to be. It's like I've relearnt on a slightly different path.

The only way I can describe it is when I go to create something, my mind now jumps ahead of itself and I get overwhelmed.

This is so similar to how I felt. Perhaps an artistic equivalent to what I did would be to do warm up drawing exercises, or experiment just with a limited palette, or drawing just the negative spaces if you feel your perception is off? Music has a lot more traditional teaching paths that I took as inspiration, but maybe there is an art course that could help?

I'm not saying this is what happened to you OP but my DB was very good at maths while we were growing up, it came very naturally to him and he enjoyed it. He understood concepts etc that were quite advanced at a young age. He cruised to an A* at GCSE and was doing Maths and Further Maths at ALevel.

And then, almost overnight, he couldn't do it anymore. He found it dense and confusing and his maths teacher literally said to him "who has taken away your ability to do maths?" He scraped through his A levels.

At the same time, he had been having regular migraines that turned out to be a benign brain tumor that was causing huge fluid and pressure build up in his brain. This was discovered when he was at uni, when he started losing his peripheral vision, he was operated on and has been fine ever since.

The maths thing came up in discussion with his consultant who did say it was possible that the bit of his brain that dealt with maths had been damaged by the pressure and fluid. No idea if it this was actually the cause but the timing and the speed at which it happened certainly made sense.

@MoltenLasagne Thank you, that is really helpful, it is so confusing isn't it?

You have made me think about how impatient I have become, that I have lost my ability to approach it without criticism. Knowing I ought to be much further along makes me so despondent and impatient yet I am not giving myself the mental room to heal.
I do jump ahead of myself, which is probably fatal to recovery.

I also think that inspiration online can be debilitating, even though I love looking at art.

strokes and a parsite in myhead.before that
i was seamstress,painting sketching.maths tattoos
and a art teacher

it sucks

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself to make something amazing and you've forgotten that art should be fun. You have to let go of perfectionism and just have with your art again, it's better to create something terrible than to create nothing at all.

I've also seen this sort of situation described as your brain being ahead of your talent, everything looks wrong because your brain has improved in skill but your hands haven't caught up to it yet so your brain can see it's wrong but can't quite get the message to your hands on how to make it right.

It reminds me of when children lose their natural enthusiasm to be creative. Directly criticism comes into it, creativity leaves the room. I love naive art for this reason. Perhaps you need to get back to a childlike state and be silly.

Perhaps an art challenge would help? I know inktober is nearly over but you could always follow the prompts anyway. Get a cheap sketchbook and do them in there - no pressure for them to be amazing just getting you back in the habit of creating.

Could it be menopause related? Just wondering about the comment about you losing your patience. I don't work in a creative field, but definitely lost my mojo a bit - I've fared a bit better since I started HRT.

True, my earliest memory of painting (in fact my very first) is a thing of unadulterated joy and freedom! The little cups full of poster paint, the long handled, knackered brush and a blank sheet on the easel...lovely!

I ought to do a tv show called the 'terror of painting' as an antidote to the sheer joy of Bob Ross

And yes, my brain is ahead of my hands, what a pickle to be in. I think is worse when you have experience of being capable, so much harder to go back to basics. I suppose the ego pushes in somewhere here too.

There are medical reasons this can happen, certainly, as PP have mentioned. But it is also happens psychologically often, especially in creative fields. I work in visual arts and come from a family of musicians and it was only as an adult with more experience of the world that I started to realise not everyone went through the ebb and flow that creative jobs entail.

I sometimes find learning about (either from books and videos or by taking a structured class) in a topic that’s adjacent can be really helpful. It takes away the pressure to do what I am already known for and there is no pressure for me to be awesome at it either. I don’t tell anyone in a class what I do for a living really.

But also I think it’s important to remember you are not your art and you are entirely allowed to change course and do something else for a short or long time. You could do something else to pay your bills for a while and if you find you are missing it so much it drives you to distraction, then you know it’s worth the time and effort of finding your way back in. If actually you feel brighter without the pressure of making anything, then you have that answer too.

To answer your original question, yes I certainly think it can be lost but if there’s no medical issue to your brain, eyes, or hands, then it’s probably there waiting to be rediscovered and your creative brain is being really, really annoying.

Who knows!? And i think this can apply to any passion, not just art, it just has to be something that always came naturally to you and became your career.

Working used to be such a relaxation for me, a wonderful little personal universe where time stood still. As I began to work less and less, my income dropped down (seemingly unconnected, but you never know).

I have had a fairly easy meno, and i have made peace with my losses, but it hasn't helped recover my trust in working. I sometimes wonder if feeling like i was on an 'eye candy' treadmill 5 years ago did me harm too, it started to feel more about business than creativity - but such is life!

@CatatonicLadybug Some great insights here, thank you.
I have dabbled with the idea of doing something else for the past 5 years but nothing sticks. I adored my work and the freedom it gave me, even if I was never famous or wealthy. I have loved every moment of it and wouldnt swap it for a different lifestyle, it suits me so much. There are obvious down sides, but we have to compromise.

Last year o got very into yoga, it altered and healed a lot of stuff and it was definitely a new passion, I also really wanted to study the Alexander Technique, but dear god the financial costs are phenomenal! Nothing else really pulls me, and I have no experience in any other field either.

At my age, I either find an alternative that can support me financially very well (without returning to uni) or i get on with my art work. It can pull my head apart sometimes. But yes, the desire and energy is there, I just can't tolerate what happens when I keep failing to nail what Im after. Perhaps my obsession with landscapes is the wrong direction...it could be something that simple, but I don't know yet.

I suggest signing up for a fun based art class. It's easier to create when there is no expectation I find.

Could it be a concentration thing, possibly linked to being online more so more distractions?
I know writers and programmers who need to turn off all online devices and allow themselves to “get bored” before they can be as productive as they used to be.

I think you should get an eye test. Go to a proper ophthalmologist, not just a high street glasses prescriber. You may quite literally be unable to focus as well as you used to.

As we age, our depth perception changes , especially for women. The right glasses can help you with this, too.

It could be a be a form of artists block brought on by stress and grief. My ability to write was badly affected by a bad relationship. I don't know it's recovered but I need to push through.