To think you can 'lose' a talent or ability?

[Tsukiko]

I am an artist who has worked for 30 years with mixed media, from digital to traditional painting. Most of my work has been a mixture of watercolour, acrylic, collage and ink. I have been self employed and managed quite well, and of course a lot of luck came into that! During that time I reached a lot of people through my work and had a decent amount of success (not at all famous of course). It is all I have known and all I have ever wished to do.

In the past 5 years I have seemingly just lost it. Initially I wanted to break away from a style that didn't excite me anymore, but slowly it turned out I stopped altogether. The inspiration and ideas are there, but my ability just seemed to tank.
It might be worth mentioning that my mum and my beloved cat passed away around that time, and there were some domestic stresses too, which I think now might have had something to do with it, but it doesn't help me fix the problem.

I don't know how many artists are on MN, but this is fairly traumatic for me. It is my heart and soul and what I have dedicated my life and study to. What seems to have happened is that whatever I try to do doesn't work (!), no matter how I approach it or what medium I use. It's like my brain just forgot how to do it. Nearly every single thing I have worked on in the past 5 years has failed, which has been new to me and very odd/disturbing. Almost as if my brain has rewired itself wrong. I fear having to change career at middle age and my heart is just not in that.
Luckily I am still earning a moderate passive income from the work I have already created, but this can't go on indefinitely. To not work is unnatural for me.

Is it possible do you think to just up and lose an ability? I put brush to paper and it turns to shit every time. It's like I have completely lost any remote ability to work technically or translate my ideas to paper or canvas.
I have had time off, given myself a very relaxed period of years to recuperate and do other things, but it hasn't helped. This isn't an artist's block, it is more like I can't do it technically, even though my passion and ideas are overflowing. I am probably shouting into a void, but i would love to know if anyone has experienced anything like this, and how it panned out. As time goes on I am beginning to lose confidence, so this makes it even worse!

I would think about three different approaches here:

• is there anything physically preventing me from making my art? I echo a pp's suggestion to get your eyes properly checked, there may be other things on the thread that strike a chord with you.

• is there anything mentally preventing me from making my art? Did you get any support our counselling when you lost your mum? Might that be something that is blocking you? Might that be something worth exploring?

And finally, how do I find my joy in my art again? I mean, wouldn't it be brilliant to start all over again at art school? If you were to have your time all over again, would you even have chosen the same medium? Can you explore classes, co-working, skill swapping? Is there a way to just start having fun again?

It's normal for an ability to decline with age. Once you're past about 27, your body is in an increasing decline. You can do your best to slow the decline by being active and eating the right things, but you can't prevent the decay.

I have regular eye checks, so can rule that out, along with most physical causes. I do think it is emotional/psychological, but still not sure how to untangle. I am comfortable with how I have processed the family losses too, so don't feel a need for counselling, but I do feel that this isolated thing needs attention.
Speaking about it here has been a great release, so thank you for making me think and taking the time to share thoughts.

I strongly doubt regarding decline with age, physical health permitting. I have not noticed that in my own circle or outside of it much, give or take life's stresses. My closest friend is 65 and at his absolute peak as a composer, although I have noticed several of my artist friends move to other mediums as they aged - say from painting to textiles, or ceramics to digital.

I have some rather deep concerns about my future and I do think fear is blinding me to some extent, such as the market not being as easy to sell in as it was 10 yrs ago, etc, etc. I have always been a great believer in dedication, and sticking to what comes natural to us, so am clueless as to what I would do if I gave it up.

I honestly think a period of intentionally playing with different forms and mediums might be the best thing for you OP. It might just be that you're at the end of the road with your form, but there are millions of other forms just waiting there to be discovered. Don't block yourself by thinking of the market, just play for a bit.

I don't think you've lost the ability OP, it seems like something more akin to writers block - an anxiety about what you are producing, with the added anxiety on top that it is your income.

I was an artist (painter) but never loved it in the same way you do. It always felt like work rather than some kind of calm oasis. I loved the outcome though, the paintings themselves. I stopped painting professionally a long time ago as it just didn't make me happy overall.

Something that re-jogged my interest recently though was AI. I produced AI pics from my own text prompts, and then used those as a basis for paintings. It somehow took me a step away from the anxiety of producing the work, and it gave me new technical challenges as well. The resulting paintings didn't look much like the AI pictures (thankfully) it was more about finding a fresh direction and feel.

I've heard that "the Artist's way" by Julia Cameron is helpful. It's a 12 week course in a book designed to "unblock" creativity.

That is a great book!

I am really starting to feel more open to this problem now, writing it here has altered something within me. Rather than deriding my ability I am seeing that my trust in myself is what lies at fault, I have lost faith in my own authenticity.
This is hard to explain, and perhaps a bit serious for AIBU, but I will explore this a bit more.
Oooh, I also tried out AI a few months ago, had a lot of fun! I only used a crappy app but created some very surreal cats I can see why it would be a fantastic prompt for ideas. I really dislike the snobbery surrounding digital art, it can be so very freeing.