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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you asked your partner…

42 replies

Malteaser101 · 22/10/2023 10:28

if they met someone else that they liked and liked the look of, and they liked them back - would they leave you?

and their response was erm… I don’t think so

would that be a good enough answer? Or would you expect an instant no because I love you etc?

few issues recently and felt a bit insecure which led to asking the question.

OP posts:
Flamingogirl08 · 22/10/2023 10:28

People who ask silly questions like that are asking for trouble imo.

OhComeOnFFS · 22/10/2023 10:30

But I'd say "I don't think so" to all sorts of questions when I meant a hard "no".

AllAboardTootToot · 22/10/2023 10:30

Why ask a question you don’t want the answer to really unless it’s a Jude law styled Hollywood answer?

Playing with fire.

Meniscus · 22/10/2023 10:31

Why would you ask that?

Brainfogmcfogface · 22/10/2023 10:32

Why would you even ask!

sunshineandshowers40 · 22/10/2023 10:32

It was a ridiculous question; their answer seems fine to me.

HRTQueen · 22/10/2023 10:32

I would probably answer yes as it’s a ridiculous question then follow up with I shall go out looking tonight but for now you will do

work on your own insecurities if he isn’t helping (and they doesn’t mean that he is constantly reassuring you I meant in that he puts you down/knocks your confidence)

HRTQueen · 22/10/2023 10:34

sorry didn’t finish post

if he is putting you down move on

pictoosh · 22/10/2023 10:34

Stop being so childish. What a silly little girl question to ask an adult.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 22/10/2023 10:34

Why would you torture yourself like that? If someone asked me questions like that it would really put me off them. I hate those sort of games.

youcandanceifyouwanna · 22/10/2023 10:34

I wouldn't want to be with someone I didn't trust, or with someone who didn't trust me. It sounds like you need to have a serious honest talk about the future.

macandcheeses · 22/10/2023 10:35

Flamingogirl08 · 22/10/2023 10:28

People who ask silly questions like that are asking for trouble imo.

This.

Meniscus · 22/10/2023 10:35

I’d be tempted to gasp, point at a random passer-by, cry ‘THERE HE IS, THE MAN OF MY DREAMS! LET ME JUST CHECK QUICKLY WHETHER HE’S SINGLE AND LIKES THE LOOK OF ME, THEN I’ll START PACKING!’

Then chase after the by now slightly alarmed passer-by.

Ask a silly question…

category12 · 22/10/2023 10:43

Don't ask such weird hypothetical questions.

If you need reassurance about how he feels about you, ask for it directly.

Try to self-soothe. Think about the way he acts with you, think about the way he speaks to you, think about how he makes you feel about yourself. If that's not reassuring and makes you feel worse, you have an issue in the relationship.

But silly hypotheticals are never going to help.

CurlewKate · 22/10/2023 10:45

He would probably assume I'd taken leave of my senses.....

Redwinestillfine · 22/10/2023 10:46

Why are you insecure about this? Something mqde.you ask the question seriously but I bet it's much more to do with how you see yourself than how your DH sees you. Maybe delve into that. If I asked a question like that my DH would 100% say 'probably' or 'definitely' because the question is ridiculous (and I 100% would not believe him because we are solid and there would be no doubt in mind that he was joking).

MyCircumference · 22/10/2023 10:47

agree, dont even ask

CacenCaws · 22/10/2023 10:48

Ffs grow up

Simonjt · 22/10/2023 10:49

Surely you’re asking for trouble. Plus most people don’t answer seriously, mine knows I’d happily run away with Troye Sivan or Nikita Kuzmin, he also knows its a joke.

ohdelay · 22/10/2023 10:50

Very weird question. Mix of fishing for a fight and manipulation. There is no answer he could give that would satisfy you and you've probs annoyed him just asking.

LeonBlack · 22/10/2023 10:51

If I asked my husband this question, his reply would be ‘are you 12?’

DRS1970 · 22/10/2023 10:53

If you are not prepared for an honest answer, don't ask the question is my motto. In his defence, men are not always the best at expressing how they feel. But on the plus side, he didn't say yes either.

oksothisisusnow · 22/10/2023 10:56

Hmm. No it wouldn't be an answer I liked or wanted to hear, but then I wouldn't ask, because if I felt insecure enough to put the question to him, I don't think any answer would really be good enough to convince me of their intentions.

Work on making the relationship, or yourself more secure, don't hound him for answers that'll make you feel better.

It's either a symptom of being insecure in yourself, or your relationship.

TBH- I've been with DH for 13 years, I'm not as young, or pretty as I was. My hairs falling out, I'm currently fatter than I was, the light has gone from my eyes a bit- I'm bone tired from having an 18 month old and being almost 6 months into another pregnancy. I'm hormonal, and I imagine MOST people look prettier than me at the moment but I'm not insecure in my relationship because I know that he would be absolutely stupid to leave me, our family and everything we've built together over the past 13 years for even the most beautiful woman in the world... and don't get me wrong, he's stupid, but not monumentally so!

LisaD1 · 22/10/2023 11:04

If my husband asked me such a stupid question I’d probably reply with yes.

you need to work on your insecurities.

Aquestioningmind · 22/10/2023 11:22

Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to!

And definitely don’t ask stupid questions like that when your relationship is on the rocks. It was a goady question - if he said no you’d probably have accused him of lying and he was obviously never going to say ‘yes of could I would leave you.’

Lose/Lose either way. Adults don’t ask silly questions like that.

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